Oh, The People You'll Meet
by Opengunner
Summary: Join Snake, as he explores Smash mansion and unravels the background of his shady roommate, Lucario. 4th Wall Breaking, Explosions, and many Personalty Clashes, and stupidity in-between, all the things those kids like Now-a-Days. SnakexBox xD T to be safe
1. Explosive Reptile

(Summary: Hello everyone! From the loser who brought you another fic that was never historically significant, comes a tale of how the Smashers at Smash Mansion learned the many unique personalities of their comrades and adversaries. It's told mainly through the crazy antics of everyone's favorite Bad-ass Black-Ops secret agent, Solid Snake, and everyone's favorite Aura, um… Kangaroo? Fox? Jackal thingy, uh yeah we'll just go with Lucario, who unfortunately gets stuck as Snake's roommate.)

(A/N: I'll go with the format of introducing each personality separately, which I will name the chapter an adjective of the personality, followed by a related noun. And give a brief bio of what their story is in the fiction, not their actual canonical story. Then followed by a quote that they would probably say. I'd like feed back on this format in the reviews please.)

Thanks to The Earth Alchemist and Dane Tesston for being good MGS fans, and thanks to Shadow-Rukario-chan34276 for at least giving my story a chance and for being the small amount of people who reviewed my earlier story.

(Disclaimer: I do not own anything here, except the story and my auto-pilot imagination.)

* * *

**Oh, the people you'll meet.**

Explosive Reptile  
Solid Snake

_A clone of the legendary, most bad-ass Black-ops dude ever, Naked Snake. He was once hailed as the hero who'd saved the world, now damned as the villain that would destroy it. Now framed, he lost the authorities by moving to the Alaskan wilderness. He specializes in explosives and handguns, and taking down giant bipedal robots that fire nukes and all sorts of other fantastic bull-crap._

"_Breaking down the fourth wall, one stud at a time."_

* * *

The Alaskan tundra seemed so pristine, tonight. It was the cold, slightly dull mixture of blue and white that almost all forms of snow carry, and though the light in the area lingered, white ice sheets protrude into the darkness, dividing it with a white horizon. All, of a sudden, a barrage of moving creatures moved through the snow relentlessly, with chains attached to them, they formed a perfect grid, and behind them, was a medium-sized sled with a man hooded in several layers of clothes. His breath highlighted in the blistering cold, face unseen, and vision disrupted. It seemed all was in order as he held on to the rubber grips on the back of the sleigh. To the man, it seemed like paradise. No one to tell him what to do, no caring for others, just a man and his sled dogs, husking it out in the wilderness, it was perfect. That is, until a loud ringing sound completely ruined it…

(Aux.)  
Push Select

"What the hell?" the figure snorted, obviously pissed.

(A screen opens, showing the hooded man in a picture with on the right side, and another man on the other side that looked pretty dorky and like he regularly attended Gundum conventions, and he had glasses on that slide down his nose every time he tilts his head in the smallest manner, even when he tilts his head UP.)

"Hey Snake! I go--" The other man started when he was cut of by the hooded man.

"Otacon, I thought I told you to NEVER call me on the CODEC again! Not after last time." Snake yelled.

"Hey, I'm sorry, gosh Snake, How was I supposed to know you were hiding in the girl's bathroom?"

"I wasn't doing what you were thinking, uh.. um… it was totally Meryl's fault!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just listen Snake, you know that game Super Smash Brothers?"

"Uh.. It's that Nintendo thing right?" Snake answered, kind of bored.

"Yes! Well it seems you've been invited to join them in the Brawl tournament."

"Hold on, you want me, a retired Black-Ops Bad-ass, who has possibly gone senile, and deserves to be left alone in the wilderness of Alaska, where idiots can't call him with radios attached to his skulls, to go with a bunch of hooligans and fight?" Snake retorted. "And the fact that I'm in a different Dimension kind of ruins it too, not all the way, but just a little bit."

"But Snake, you could fight alongside the most well-known group of mascots… ever! Including Mario, c'mon, you know you've always wanted to beat up Mario."

Snake chuckled to himself. Then Otacon continued on.

"Can you imagine, Snake? We'll be famous!"

"We already are famous, as a matter of fact, we're WANTED!!, remember the tanker incident?"

"Oh yeah… well then why don't we just join the Super Smash Bros?" Otacon asked.

"My god Otacon, This is SONY, There's absolutely NO way we're getting to the Nintendo universe." '_What the hell does he think this is? An effin' Fan-Fic_?' Snake thought at the same time.

"Well this invitation says that they will have all the explosions, food, and cardboard boxes you could ever want!"

"What was that last one?" Snake propped up.

"Uh… Cardboar--" Otacon restated until he was cut off, by Snake running into the room in which Otacon was currently in, with his sneaking suit on.

"I'll do it!" Snake stated confidently.

The fact that he could run to the United Nations Headquarters from Alaska, get dressed, and disappear off the CODEC, which was implanted into his skull nonetheless, in the time it takes someone to say 'Cardboard' is simply astounding, and aggravating too.

"Snake, How did you-, I mean weren't you just in-"

"What are you talking about?" Snake asked, kind of dumbfounded.

"How the hell did you get here so fast?"

Snake blankly stared around the room.

"Uh…. Plot-hole?"

Otacon was obviously not amused that Snake had some form of teleportation power when it came to offerings of all-you-can-hide-in Cardboard boxes.

Snake decided to continue before some unanswerable questions arose "So how do we get there?"

Otacon took out a flat, small white box, with a large slit in the side and put it on the table

"So what is it?" Snake asked, kind of ticked off that bringing out a box completely failed to answer his question.

"It's the forbidden console Snake, can you feel its strange properties?" Otacon asked, all mystified.

"Atari?"

Otacon picked up a chair and hit Snake over the head with it.

"NO, it's a Nintendo Wii you idiot." Otacon stated.

"Oh, uh, yeah, lets go then." Snake agreed, while rubbing the large bump he had on his head by now.

"What about all of your gear?"

"I always carry it with me." Snake answered, in which Otacon wondered how he was supposed to shower.

Otacon then picked up the invitation card and removed a disc with a crosshair, that intersects in the bottom left corner of the CD, and has 'Super Smash Bros. Brawl' written on it. He slid it into the slit on the side of the box and the slit's opening flashed a neon blue. They waited until the screen loaded, and loaded, and loaded.

"What the hell is it loading?" Snake hissed.

"Apparently the main menu." Otacon answered.

"Oh COME ON, the NES was faster than this…" Snake said, annoyed.

The marvelous machine finally loaded… the game and channel page! Otacon picked up the Wiimote and spent 15 minutes and 32 seconds trying to guide the cursor onto the brawl screen.

"Curses!, as a Sony character, any Nintendo-related thing I touch goes haywire!" Otacon yelled, obviously watching just too many cartoons.

"Hold on." Snake said as he grabbed the Wiimote and chucked it at the window, in which sent the machine so haywire, that the cursor landed perfectly upon center of the brawl screen, and as it hit the window, the Wiimote's start button was pushed, and the screen turned black, to reveal… You guessed it, ANOTHER loading screen!

"So Snake, how did you know that throwing the Wiimote and smashing the window was going to work since we aren't Nintendo characters?" Otacon asked, rather impressed.

"Huh? No, there was a fly on the window and I didn't want my to get my gloves messy." Snake answered, rubbing his precious gloves.

"Moron" Otacon muttered under his breath.

After the most spectacular wait in the history of loading screens, the machine's neon blue quickly and efficiently consumed the entire room.

* * *

Snake rubbed his head, still noticing a bump from the "Chair incident of 2008". Yeah, Snake likes dramatically naming the smallest events 15 minutes after they happened. He had his own storyline and cast, and a record deal for the soundtrack too, but we aren't getting into that. Snake looked up to notice he wasn't in the U.N. headquarters anymore, by looking at the numbers were arranged on the doors and how many doors there were, it was obvious that this was

"… A cheap motel!" Snake answered without a second thought.

Not quite, the doors were all made up of mahogany, and the doorknobs copper in color, with a luscious shine. Otacon was also no longer with him. Snake had a note taped on his chest that said

'Solid Snake, Your room is number 140.85'

"Hey that happens to be the same number as my CODEC frequency!" Snake said excitingly, completely missing the reference.

Snake glanced up to the door he was situated in front of, which said '140.85' on the top tag, and 'Aura Hall' on the bottom tag.

'_It's Metal Gear Solid style Entrance time.' _Snake thought as he began crafting his plan

* * *

All was peaceful in the empty room of 140.85. The room had the quality as if it had just been made, and inspected within the last week, the scent of paint was also intruding inside of the room. And not a creature make a sound, until..

An explosion engulfed the door and kicked it in the room, straight off the hinges, and a man in a gray sneaking suit jumped a considerable distance to land inside the middle of the room. He landed in a crouching runner position as if he was about to fly off the line of in sprint. He stared at the ground for a few seconds, then dramatically lifted his head in the air, and words appeared out of nowhere as he looked at the screen, tilting his head slowly.

**Solid Snake  
**(David Hayter)

It had gone successfully Snake said to himself, until he realized one very important missing detail, nobody was in the room.

"Damn it, that took me 30 minutes to plan out." Snake huffed, disappointed.

Snake then noticed two beds, one had 'Solid Snake' taped on to it, because who ever prepares Snake's stuff, loves tape. The other bed had a marbleized plaque stating 'Lucario' on it. He stared at it until he came to a realization.

"Cool, I've got an Italian roomy!" then Snake paused when he came to another realization. "Oh crap, that means Mario has another brother."

Snake decided to keep his expectations clear by deciding how the guy was when he actually met him.

Snake looked at the very bare clock on the wall, it was only 3 'o clock, but he wasn't sure if it was A.M. or P.M. now. Nevertheless, Snake wasn't tried anyways, I mean he had the energy to run from Alaska to the U.N. Headquarters in under a second. He decided, he would go exploring, and learn this place, in case he ever made a bad spaghetti joke to his Italian roomy and have to duck out inside a ventilation shaft, just like old times.

"Commencing Operation : Walk around this place aimlessly until I get some answers… Go!"

* * *

(A/N: David Hayter is Snake's voice actor, not his real name. I did this because so far, they have always displayed the names of voice actors in the MGS series,

And I can't remember Snake's real frequency from MGS2, and I'm not about to beat half of the game again to find out, so bear with it

Up next to introduce is Snake's victim.. Err Roommate, Lucario!

Read And review please, and tell me how it's doing, It doesn't even have to be critism, I just wanna know if my Humor is funny, a bit too weird, or not aggressive enough, or just plain sucks.)


	2. Medative Aura

_(A/N: Back with another ridiculous story, with completely contrasting characters now. If you're next to your Wii, or have this song on your computer, play it for the first part of the story after I give Lucario's bio, then you can switch after, Cavern Theme from the Metal Gear Solid section.) _

_Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything except the story, and my auto-pilot imagination._

* * *

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_Medative Aura_

_Lucario_

_A Pokemon of which is the species which is sensitive to the energy all living things give off, Aura. This particular Lucario is usually quiet, and serious, and its past remains a mystery. It generally likes to be alone in solitude, and it's often cold towards other people. It is said that Lucarios are usually warm to their friends no matter what, but no one at smash mansion has ever been its friend. It despises the self-centered material and monetary quests of others. This particular Lucario has also augmented its physic abilities, it can communicate via Aura. It is also a master of various types of martial arts._

"_Mind, Body, Sprit."_

* * *

"Commencing Operation: Walk around this place aimlessly until I get some answers… Go!"

Snake said as he got ready to start exploring. He was staring at his bed for a few seconds, because he spaced out. He then heard another violently loud ring come from his ear.

(Aux.)  
Push Select

Unfortunately, our hero couldn't find the select button on the Wiimote.

"Where the hell is it?" Snake yelled in a panic.

He fumbled a few tons of explosives on the ground before finally realizing that it would answer itself anyways.

(A screen shows up, similar to last time, but Snake is now in his sneaking suit. Otacon is on the left again.)

"Hey Snake!" Otacon yelled, overjoyed.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Uh, I don't know, but I was talking to the higher ups here and they gave me a room full of all the anime and the other crap I could ever want."

"Really?" Snake wondered.

"Yeah, they even have this ultra rare Klonoa manga."

"Sounds like you've got it made." Snake said, frustrated.

"Why, what happened to you?"

"Well, I found a note TAPED on to my chest, and then I spent a good half hour planning how to bust into my room and do the coolest entrance Nintendo has ever seen. Then when I get in, there's nobody there, and my name has been TAPED on to my bed." Snake said, even more frustrated.

"What's wrong with tape?" Otacon asked, wishing he hadn't.

"It's my mortal enemy." Snake said, sounding really stupid.

"Oh-ka-ay…. Well then, moving on, have you figured out the controls yet?" Otacon stated, which will now lead to a big segment of breaking the fourth wall.

"The freaking Wiimote doesn't have a SELECT button!"

"What? Snake, how can that be?"

"I don't know, but I don't like it, it scares me." Snake, entering the fetal position and sucking his thumb.

Otacon sat at his desk thinking, and adjusting his gravity defying glasses as he slightly moved his head up. He then remembered that the Wii can also take Gamecube controllers.

"Snake I've got it, plug in the Gamecube controller!"

"Okay!" Snake said as he started rummaging through thousands of things in his pockets. He found a grenade, a C4, a full sized rocket launcher, a tumor, his fishing license, the 76' Oilers, a thirteen year old can of Coke, a Honda Civic, a monkey, the cure for smallpox, treasure, a 15ft pole, a swimming pool, and Tic-Tacs; but nothing important.

"I can't find it!" Snake said, after Otacon heard all the various other things Snake had found.

"Mister Utility belt…" Otacon muttered.

"Oh wait, here it is, it was in my bandanna.. Huh, wonder how it got there?"

"Okay Snake, plug it in."

So Snake broke the fourth wall in a way that can't be described and plugged the controller in. He also grabbed some Kool-aid and a Hotdog from the fridge

"Okay done." Snake said as he finished up his hotdog, and started slurping down his Kool-aid.

"Okay Snake, now hit the X button to crawl." Otacon said, slurping down his Kool-aid, in which he also broke the fourth wall to get. All Metal Gear Solid characters can break the fourth wall.

Snake hit the X button.

"Uh Otacon, I hit the X button but nothing important happened, I just jumped about 6 feet high… WAIT SIX FEET HIGH?" Snake said as he smashed into the ceiling.

"Oh yeah, this is a different universe and console. Uh Snake, try hitting down on the analog stick to crawl."

"Okay!" and sure enough Snake was on the ground, and he noticed a particular floating, twirling package under his bed. '_Could it be?'_ he thought as he reached for the package.

* * *

Item Acquired: Cardboard Box A

A normal run-of-the-mill cardboard box. Select it from the item window and equip it to hide from enemies. Can also be used as a taunt. Trademarked to Solid Snake.

* * *

"My precious!" Snake said has he immediately equipped it and started running around under the box.

He ran out of the room, and ran around the entire mansion while in the box. Let's recall his journey. First, he made it to the kitchen, where he knocked over a pink blob with red shoes and a chef's hat into a burning red pot. Then he ran into the living room where he knocked over a T.V. and pissed off a large ape wearing a tie. Then he made his way into the laundry room and accidentally shoved a woman with a pink dress and a crown on into the washing machine, where it conveniently closed and started. Then he entered the garage and knocked over some heavy power tools on a man in a blue suit with gold accents saying "Falcon Pain!". Then he journeyed back to his room, but… he forgot where it was.

* * *

-- Several Hours Later--

Snake, after finally finding his room and getting fully reacquainted with 'an old friend' and showing the mansion the destructive power of a box, he decided that he was ready to go to sleep, or play his PSP, which ever involved him moving less. He looked at the door, which was closed, 'Huh, I thought I left this open?'. Now Snake, in a blind Box-Fury attack, would never have the incentive or politeness to close a door. Snake took this as suspicious.

He kicked the door in again, whom I feel sorry for has to keep fixing, and busted in saying something about the government and the FBI and the Men in Black.

When the smoke cleared, (Think explosive kicks) He saw a very odd site indeed. A blue kangaroo? No fox!… Oh wait, Jackal, yeah a Jackal, sitting cross-legged, in a meditative stance. Now Snake wished he hadn't pretended to be an FBI agent, for Female Body Inspector (A/N: I just think it's hilarious when I see those shirts.) as one of the jackal's eyes flashed right open and stared into his soul. Quickly Snake touched his CODEC and dialed Otacon. And then he opened the item select window to freeze time so the jackal couldn't attack.

"Otacon, there's a freaking Bi-pedal jackal here. I have no idea what to do!" Snake suddenly panicking.

"Clam down Snake, I look it up, hold on." Otacon assured

"Look at the size of those spikes on its chest and paws! It could rip a tank apart! Otacon, I don't think I'll be leaving here alive." Snake started whacking out,

"Oh, wait Snake, that must be a Lucario, it says here that they aren't very hostile." Otacon said as he pulled up a page on the net.

"That's Lucario? But he doesn't look Italian!" Snake exclaimed.

"Whaa? Where did you get the fact that he was Italian?"

"Hello… -ario sounds like Mario and Wario, and they're both Italian, so Lucario uses -ario too, it's basic reasoning Otacon." Snake explained proudly, because he understood the whole concept.

"Uh Snake, you're the only one in life that ever failed basic reasoning class… consecutively… how old are you?"

"Uh… 'Les Enfantes Terribles' was back in '73, so… uh… 35 years old." Snake calculated.

"Okay you failed that class 30 times in a row…"

"Shut up, at least I attended it 30 years in a row, people love consistency Otacon." Snake retorted.

"Wait, what where we talking about?" Otacon wondered, as he completely lost track.

"Uh… you were talking about giving me 5 bucks for no apparent reason?" Snake reminded.

"Oh, okay, here…. WAIT A MINUTE, don't do that Snake!"

"What ever Otacon, I'm signing off…" Snake said as he signed off.

Otacon just sighed, he was about to hit the 'EXIT' button on his CODEC application when he got a call…

"Holy crap Otacon, there's a freaking Bi-pedal jackal here. I have no idea what to do!"

Snake said all whacked out again.

"Damn it, Snake it won't hurt you, just leave it alone, or better yet, try to be its friend."

"Friend? Have you seen the size of those spikes on its chest and paws! It could rip a tank apart! Otacon, I don't think I'll be leaving here alive." Snake, still fearing for his life.

"Shut up and go to sleep." Otacon demanded, obviously tired with the disaster that was: Solid Snake.

Snake sighed as he closed the CODEC, only to see… A freaking Bi-pedal Jackal standing right in front of him, observing him, with both of its eyes closed. _'Crap, forgot to freeze time with the Item select window.' _Snake started retreating towards his bed, slowly, as if to not upset the creature, but it followed. He neared the edge of his bed when the creature opened its ruby eyes. Snake felt really uneasy just having it look at him, so Snake went into the safest place in the Milky Way galaxy, the Box.

"Noo need to try and harm me, I'm just sleeping? See?" Snake started making ill rational snoring noises which probably would've pissed off the creature even more.

Then Snake could feel his precious, number one, omnipotent safe-spot, which in a million years would still be the number one safe-spot of all time, being lifted up. The jackal was staring right at him. Unbeknownst to Lucario, Snake had a 'Touch the Box and suffer the consequences' policy, in which he sweeped the jackal off its feet and opted to stand up and reach the safety of his box. But as he grab the his precious box, the creature had a smile on its face, and it had gotten into a fighting stance, as if it were provoking Snake to attack him, too bad for Lucario that things clicked a bit slow for Snake, because instead of Lucario using a well placed double team attack, and congratulating the man for being good 'prey' as he had planned, the man ran past him in a Cardboard box towards the door screaming something about 'Extreme mode' and 'Chase scene'. Lucario opted not let it's 'prey' escape, by using ExtemeSpeed to get to the door first, then it turned around, and got on its knee to use a Force Palm.

"_You aren't going anywh_-" Lucario boomed in a deep voice, before being trampled by the 'Box-Fury' attack. But Snake tripped, and landed face first into Lucario's furry chest.

"Get off me you repulsive human!" Lucario commanded as it struggled to get a man who weighed three times what it did, off of it.

"You know, you're a pretty comfy pillow." Snake stated out of nowhere

"Ughh, Are there any intelligent beings left in your species?" Lucario intended to insult, but missed it completely; Snake was lost at the word 'Intelligent'.

Snake decided to put some effort into getting off it when it said 'Dismantle, obliterate, and box.' in the same sentence.

"Why do you continue to torment me so? Why couldn't you leave me in peace?" Lucario started to sound as if it were going to cry.

"Because that's my room too…" Snake replied, and then Lucario looked at Snake's bed.

"You're Solid Snake?" Lucario asked, now a little dumbfounded.

"Uh yeah, who else could I be, the janitor?"

"Speak of the devil" Lucario motioned Snake to look behind him.

There was a man pushing a cart with cleaning supplies around. He was wearing an Olive Drab Military Issue Uniform. He also had a set of goggles on, and an Olive Drab Baseball cap on. He also had a large set of Over-the-Ear Headphones on with a Microphone on the left side. And he had a holster with a weapon in it.

"Oh hey, is that the new guy?" the man asked.

Lucario nodded, then stepped away back into the room, in a bit of a hurry.

"So you're Snake huh? Nice to meet you." The man extended his arm out to shake.

"Yeah, who are you?" Snake asked, as he shook the man's hand

"Me? I'm Opel Gunther, the Janitor." the man said, and then he started slowly tilting his head as words showed up out of no where.

The Janitor  
(Opel Gunther)

"Cool you have that too?" Snake asked, impressed.

"Yeah, you and I are the only ones with that intro." Opel replied

"Okay cool, uh… wanna give me a heads up or something? Like any secret passages through the mansions? I know that the janitor's always know all the cool tricks of the place they work at."

"Uh, master hand is too cheap to put any of that cool stuff." Opel replied, obviously wanting the same thing,

"So, uh… anything creepy running around here like ghosts or something, seeing how this is a cliché mansion and its dark out." Snake hesitantly questioned.

"Uh yeah, as a matter of fact, there's a figure that laughs hysterically late at night outside the mansion gates. I've seen it before, it looked like a uniquely colored Lucario, but I wasn't close enough to tell, or pull out mah Grenade Launcher, because it saw me and used a smoke bomb." Opel informed.

"Uh… wait, you mean there's more than one Lucario?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, legend has it that there's an entire community of them somewhere around here."

Snake shivered, anybody that cold hearted to touch his box while he was inside it making fake sleeping noises couldn't have a nice 'Family Reunion'.

"Oh and one more thing." Opel remembered as he reached for his holster. He brought out a familiar looking pistol with a light and a laser attached to the bottom of it.

"A S.O.C.O.M.? Where did you get that?" Snake delighted as it brought back memories of taking down a base full of inept guards who were the most genetically advanced solders on earth, who could only see 10 feet in front of them. Yeah, good times.

"Masterhand confiscated it from you when you first got here, but I managed to sneak it out of his office, I know that this is a weapon in which no action hero is without, just don't use it in an official match, or you could get into trouble." Opel said as he handed Snake the weapon.

"Uh, was he planning on giving it back?"

"Nope, he was gonna' auction it off on eBay for a penny, then charge 200 dollars for shipping and handling, now if you will excuse me, I've gotta drop some stun grenades into the rooms of some idiot kids who think it's funny to nuke a burrito for 45 minutes on top of a metal plate in the microwave." Opel waved as he walked off.

Snake proceeded to walk into his room, and he noticed that the Lucario was back into its cross-legged, medative position. Snake really didn't feel like getting into another fight with it, so he just placed his box on the bed.

"Okay now boxxie, sleep tight." Snake whispered, as he dropped to the floor and went to sleep.

'_Odd human…_' Lucario thought, after seeing him tuck his box in and sleep on the floor.

* * *

(A/N: School has started for me, now these will come even slower now, Read and review and tell me how I'm doing, good, bad, weird, or plain? It would boost up my moral a bit to write more. Up next: everyone's favorite Racing guy, Captain Falcon.)


	3. Speed Racer

_(A/N: Wow, this has got to be the funnest chapter I ever wrote. It's not as funny as the other chapters, but I feel it COMPLETELY nails Captain Falcon's personality better than anything else I could've wrote. It also has a lot of action, so enjoy. And for those who don't enjoy it, I assure I will never get this intense again, I just wanted Falcon to be shown as he should be, a Race-car guy._

_Edit, Thanks thesecularpsychic, for pointing out my error in Falcon's name_.)

_Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything except the story, and my auto-pilot imagination._

* * *

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_Speed Racer  
Captain Falcon_

_A steadfast car guy who never misses the chance to race someone. He's also a bounty hunter, which explains his presence in the tornament, but he just does that for money when his team is running short on funds, He's not a violent guy ethier, and always showing off, and despite this, everyone still loves him, because he's their "Falcon Awesome!" He drives an F-zero racer for the special races, but he drives an 86' Toyota™ Splinter Trueno® AE86, Naturally Aisperated tuned, for its unique acceleration properties._

"_Why Kill 'em, when I can Race 'em?"_

* * *

Snake grunted as he rolled around in his sheets. Tossing and turning because Master hand was too cheap to buy a decent mattress.

"Stupid maste.. (Snore) …hand and sel… (Snore)…ling mah SO.. (Snore)… COM on eBay."

Then Snake's eyes flashed right open when he realized that his was in another one of his worst Mortal Enemies, the BED.

"Wahh!…." He said as he struggled to get free of the cushiony soft blankets on him, which was definitely not issued to him by Mr. Cheap-o-Depot Masterhand. When Snake had triumphedly and accidentally rolled off the bed, he made a loud thump that could be compared to a cliché piano falling from the top of a building.

"I totally meant to do that!" he assured, as he left an imprint of his face on the floor.

Snake had noticed that for some odd reason, he was in the bed, an enemy since his grade school days when he was Kid Snake with a '12 Color Pack of C4' and "Rocket Launchers, Fun for the whole family' Yeah, good times.

"… I thought I tucked my box in…" Snake said to himself, then realizing that his box was nowhere in site. He looked around frantically as he searched everywhere, the bed, the closet, his bottomless pockets where he kept his 15 back-up boxes, the electrons in his hair, and the fur on Lucario's chest.

"Hey, watch it! What in Arceus' name are you doi-" Lucario warned as Snake pried its muzzle open, to check its canine fangs, which always did look a bit suspicious to Snake, big enough to hide a BOX!

"Where's mah box! I know your part of the government's conspiracy to use the box as blackmail on me to make me pay my taxes, WELL IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!" Snake announced, in his eyes, ready to start a nuclear war to avenge his box

Lucario had tried to do everything to get the angry, not in such a pleasant mood, madman off of it, but it could neither push, nor Aura Pulse the man away, so it appealed to every Human male's one weakness, it puckered up its lips and moved on Snake, whom immediately moved away saying,

"Eww, if you're gonna' do that; go to Raiden, not me." Snake said as he dealt a blow to every fan of Raiden on the MGS boards, all 5 of them. (No offense Raiden fans). Snake didn't want to be called gay, he didn't have a problem with gay people, it's just that after he saw what happened to an 'effeminate' Raiden's Fanbase after MGS2, he swore he would never do that to his fans.

"I do what I have to, to get MORONS off of me." Lucario said as it brushed Snake Residue™ off of it. It then neatly styled the soft fur on its chest back to its original fluffiness. But Snake did notice how unbelievably soft that fur is on its chest is, he had to make sure to write it down in his 'list of addictions' next to Boxes, Explosions, Boxes, Smoking, Boxes, getting shot, and oh, did I mention? Boxes.

"And for your tiny brain to comprehend, I left your box by the door and tucked you in, you ungrateful…" Lucario informed, as he felt rubber gloves tense on his neck

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Snake said as he shook the choking Lucario madly, as MGS theme music started to play from his ear, as he recently added a cool ring tone to the CODEC for an overcharged 15 bucks, but it was better than having the unbelievably annoying standard sound.

(Aux.)

Push Select

(The CODEC opens up, and it's Otacon calling.)

"Snake, drop Lucario Right now!"

"But I don't wanna…" Snake complained.

"Do it now, or I'll end your subscription to BOX for the FOX(hound) magazine." Otacon scolded.

Snake Promptly let go of Lucario, whom was gasping from air, and was now noting, 'No matter how dumb the reptile man is, don't touch his box'. Although Lucario would never admit it, it admired the man for being so brave as to choke it, whom the man knows nothing about the capacity of its powers, because it simply touched a replaceable box, only the most devoted person in the world could do that, Extremist have got nothing on Solid Snake.

"Fine Otacon, but when he comes around destroying your Anime DVD collection by putting the wrong discs in the wrong cases, don't come crying to me."

"It would Never!… would it?" Otacon asked frightfully, fearing for his perfectly ordered Anime DVD Collection that was ordered by its original release date in Japan.

"You don't know who this guy is Otacon, He's the meanest dude on the planet, he tucked my in the BED and touched mah box. That's just eviler than running Metal Gear on the blood of little puppies." Snake warned.

"Uh actually Snake, I found out something out about that particular Lucario that's your roommate, It's actually a --"

"Don't Care, Seeya!" Snake rushed as he signed off the CODEC, possibly missing important information that the Author is probably going to use as the basis for the next chapter.

Snake signed off the CODEC, to see Lucario still trying to shift its windpipe into the proper position. Snake thought it might be a good idea to go get some breakfast before it could retaliate, so he went down to grab some eggs.

When Snake had finally figured out that there was an elevator and it was a much faster and efficient way than falling down four flights of stairs to get to the bottom floor, he gladly took it, too bad he only knew how to work the elevators on Shadow Moses.

"Where the hell is B2?" Snake said as he frantically started jabbing buttons, ending up in various places, 5th floor, then 2nd floor, then 4th floor, then Hell, then back to the 4th floor, and he decided to finally give up when a dude in a Blue Suit with shiny Golden accents on it, and had a red visor and white triangular eyes and a black void around them, boarded the elevator.

"Having trouble with that dude?" The man said.

Snake nodded, then the man stood in front of the panel, and then slowly, slowly, slowly, Could it get any slower? drew back his fist.

"FALCON PUNCH" The man yelled, and this crippled the entire floor select board, except the flashing light that said lobby. The man had to make a bit of a mess, but he always got things done.

"There you go. My name is Captain Douglas Jay Falcon, and yes, my first name is Captain." the man said as he extended his arm out, and sounding like he answered a question which he gets every time he introduces himself.

Now, any normal person would think 'What the hell kind of mother would name their child Captain?' ohh, but not Snake, not Snake at all.

"Whoa, that's the coolest first name EVER; I've always wanted to meet Captain Crunch. Uhh… I'm Solid Snake, and the person who named me (Cough) Hideo Kojima (Cough) is a pervert. (A/N: Not really, I respect the man greatly, but seriously, look at Snake's name.)

"Nice to meet ya dude, you gettin' breakfast?" Captain responded while Snake shook his hand.

"Uh yeah, why?" Snake asked.

"Cause Wario's the breakfast cook today, and the last time he cooked, there were no survivors. Poor Roy, Pichu, and Young Link. I told them it was suicide." Captain Falcon said with a grim face.

"Well then what am I going to stick in the bottomless pit I inherited from my father, Big Boss?" The Badass Naked Snake (who I wanted to put so badly in this story, but he just isn't a Smasher.) Clone asked.

"Uh, lets drive to Taco bell!" the Captain said.

"Sweet, wait . . . isn't it Breakfast?" Snake wondered.

"Come on, I have a can of Pepsi every time I wake up and I'm just fine." the Captain assured.

"Okay cool, so uh, what do you drive? Like a cool spaceship or something?" Snake asked, wanting to do some cool bad-ass stuff he couldn't do in SONY.

"Well, only on weekends." Falcon replied.

"Well then, what are we gonna' be rolling in?"

"Mah 1986 Toyota™ Splinter Trueno®, AE86."

* * *

(Note: Captain will start talking in a language known as "Car", I the author, shall translate this for anyone one here who cannot understand "Car" due to: Being too young, Failing in school, Not playing enough racing games to be considered a Gamer, pretending that Cars are four wheels driven by God's almighty and unquestionable power, and not an Internal Combustion Engine, or Liking Lucario a lot (This person will know exactly who this is aimed at xD) Or maybe you just aren't plain Car guys or gals, I understand.)

* * *

"Seriously?" Snake said, with the Gran Turismo® Logo shining in his eyes.

(Snake asked if he was serious with a Major Racing Game series of SONY's logo flashing in his eyes)

"Yeah, I bought a whole bunch of modifications too, It's gonna rip up the streets." Captain said as he and Snake headed for the garage of the mansion.

(Captain Falcon Acknowledged that he WAS in fact, serious, and that he bought parts that make his car go faster, so he can dominate the streets with his car.)

"Cool, is it Turbo? Or Naturally Aspirated?" Snake asked, now topping Lucario in word of the day counts.

(Snake's asking if the car is fed air through a forced inductor 'Turbo', which gives better acceleration at varying amounts, or if it's fed through normal means 'Naturally Aspirated', which gives a constant acceleration rate.)

"It's N/A; I like the unique acceleration for Touge races." The captain answered as they reached the car.

(He tells Snake it's Naturally Aspirated, which is the latter that I explained. He says he likes the style of constant acceleration for racing in the mountainous regions.)

When Snake looked at it, he was surprised to see an AE86 three-door hatchback in good condition, and still have its original Panda paint job. It had modified Rims which were Light-Black Coated gloss rims, and he added two fog-lights to the front of it too.

(The AE86 is a very boxy looking car, it's known in the United States as the Corolla GTS, it's like a smaller station wagon. A Panda paint job is when the bottom half of the car is painted black, and the upper half is white, and it was almost a standard for these cars. I won't explain what rims are, you should know or you've been living under a rock. And fog lights are small lights installed on the bumper to add more light and give a car character in its looks.)

So Snake and Captain Falcon jumped in the car, and Captain Falcon jammed his key in the ignition, and gave it a twist, and its engine roared to life as its front 'flip' lights popped up. Falcon then slowly but surely edged his right foot to the throttle, and adjusted his left to be on the Clutch pedal. He gave the throttle a jam, and off the Smash Mansion garage's first floor they went.

"So, uh… where's Taco Bell?" Snake asked, not from around this universe and all.

"On the other side of the mountain." Falcon responded.

"Are you kidding? I'm hungry now!" Snake exclaimed.

"I know a short cut!" Falcon said as his eye Clichély twinkled.

Captain Falcon was driving at a slow pace due to the local speed limits, that is, until he took a side-road which trailed off of Smash-Freeway, and started heading up the mountain, at a notably higher speed, but he still wasn't pushing the car to its limits. He casually turned the wheel, taking the mountain roads at a good 60 mph (95 km per hour). Then, a white, with a somewhat red glint, figure appeared a bit up the mountain on the road they were on, but it wasn't on the floor, it appeared to moving a slow pace, hovering above the ground.

"Is that who I think it is, or is this Pepsi really messing me up?" Falcon asked, seeming to no one.

"Uh… you mean that floating thing up there that's defying gravity, and therefore should be shot down due to defying a LAW of science in which isn't supposed to be broken?"

"No wait, I think that's… uh… what was her name?" Falcon wondered as he neared the figure, although he wasn't pushing the car to its limits, he was certainly going faster than the figure.

"Uh, I don't know, I only know you, Otacon, and this really mean jackal dude named Lucario, that touched my box." Snake said as he started to tear and sniff, for the atrocity that the mean jackal had preformed on his box.

Falcon remained silent, until he was within visible identifiable range of the figure. It seemed to be a dragon-like bird with awkward wings on the back of it. It had red undersides, wings, and its back was also red. It also had stubby arms which were also red, and the rest of it was white, with the exception of the red ring on its face. It had green eyes, as it turned around to see what the noise behind it was.

"Latias!" Falcon exclaimed.

"_Falcon_…" the figure pulsed telepathically, in which Snake guessed these two have met before.

"I guess this will be an interesting drive after all" Falcon said as he jammed down the throttle, and started going full blast.

"_You're not getting away this time_" Latias said, playfully.

Falcon put a smirk on his face, and started gaining speed. The first turn was coming up, and immediately Snake noticed that Latias was also increasing its speed. Out of complete nowhere, the Initial D 4th Stage opening theme started playing, Dogfight, by M.O.V.E. (A/N: great song, seriously, try at least to listen to it)

(Back to "Car" Translations.)

Falcon reached the first turn, in which he hit softly pressed the brake pedal with the tip of his right foot, then thumped the clutch with his left, and tapped the Gas pedal with the heel of his right foot for half a second, while still on the brake with the tip of his foot, then he reached for the sequential shifter, and jolted the lever down into the '2nd' gear and released the clutch and brake, and swung the steering wheel left.

(He basically is reaching the point where he needs to turn, so to slow down, he does a technique called 'Heel-to-Toe' shifting, which is overly complex to explain, just know that it must be done in high performance racing to drop to a lower gear when braking.)

The tires started to squeal, as he broke the limits of the tires, and was now slipping with all four wheels. He adjusted the steering wheel, and counter-steered right, then globbed the throttle with full force, sending Snake back in his seat.

(When the car's front wheels slip less than the rear wheels, it's called a drift, and this basically means the tires are at their limits of grip, but the car still has inertia, and will not go in the direction the car is actually pointing. Drivers 'counter-steer' to keep the car sliding in the direction they want it to.)

Latias didn't have to worry about adjusting its speed as she slowly tilt herself left and pivoted around the turn.

The AE86 was behind Latias exiting the turn, as Falcon grunted.

"I missed the apex horribly; I hope she doesn't get too far ahead."

"That's a she? How can you tell?" Snake asked, knowing that Falcon didn't really need a lot of attention to drive this straight section they were on.

"Everyone, except you and that Hedgehog, knows Latias, it's basically a Jet Pokemon, without the actual jet." Falcon replied.

"Cool… but how come she's not in one of those Pokeballs, or what ever?"

"Because the only time she goes in one is right before a match, so that she may assist who ever releases her from her Pokeball." Falcon replied again, completely cool-headed while going well over 100 mph (160 km per hour) on a twisting mountain pass.

"She can fly much faster than that, the only problem is that flying at her top speed isn't a good idea on a mountain road, doesn't matter who you are, this place is always dangerous. And she can turn invisible" Falcon answered without Snake even asking a question.

Falcon caught on to her slipstream, and started catching up madly to Latias, who was being careful of not going too fast as to not crash headfirst into a tree. She noticed Falcon getting closer and opted to block him as he tried to pass. Falcon knew the rules, no bumping anyone, anywhere, even if it was a Pokemon, so he dropped of the throttle as his bumper came within a few inches of Latias's rear.

(Slipstream is when the car in front of another car breaks the wind for the car behind it, it basically works as, one car breaks the wind, and the wind doesn't slow down the other car. And bumping intentionally is deemed as one of the most disrespectful acts in racing.)

Then the next turn came within sight, and Falcon Heel-to-Toe shifted, and threw the wheel right this time. He counter steered as he almost became perpendicular to a speeding Latias. As the turn ended, he gave more angle to the counter steer, and straightened out the car, right behind Latias, and gaining speed.

Latias was starting to sweat as the AE86 came ridiculously close to her, she knew Falcon would never hit her on purpose, but the chance of a mistake was always possible. Before she even knew it, she hadn't realized the next turn, and was a bit late in pivoting herself around the turn to the left. When she noticed the car's engine was getting louder, she looked left to see the AE86 parallel to her, and it wasn't drifting.

"Huh? What's this acceleration?" She unintentionally spoke through telepathy.

Then she noticed Falcon was in the car, smirking, as he was guiding the steering wheel in the direction of the turn. Then she noticed the car's left wheels weren't on the road, but were in the gutter instead.

"Gutter Run!" Falcon yelled, loud enough for Latias to hear it.

The AE86 lifted out of the gutter near the end of the turn and accelerated as its engine cried to keep going at these speeds, and it was in front of Latias. Falcon then noticed that this was a horribly long stretch of road with no turns in it, which Latias could safely use her Sub-Sonic speeds in a quick burst and still have enough time to slow down for the next turn. But before Falcon could give her the idea, she disappeared off the mirror.

"_Where am I Falcon, am I here, or perhaps over here_?" Latias playfully asked telepathically as she giggled.

"Damn, how am I supposed to block something I can't see?" Falcon started to sweat, as his tone was dead serious.

"I've got it!" Snake said, as the author finally decided to make him of some importance and gave him a line.

Snake proceeded to take out a pair of funky looking goggles with a bunch of fancy flashing buttons on them.

"With these Thermal Goggles, which I conveniently 'Borrowed' from the inept guards on Shadow Moses, I can see her, and every other invisible thing in this place." Snake said as he shuffled with them for a bit.

But sure enough, when he turned them on, his entire vision went to a red tint, and he and Falcon were both bright white on the screen, as well as the hood on the car. Snake looked back to see Latias was also bright white too, about to overtake Falcon. Snake knew he had a trump card, as he readied to inform Falcon of Latias position.

"She's to the right, behind you, if you swipe over there now, you'll stop her." Snake announced, as he just broke one of the most aggravating things people have to deal with when fighting Latias, without even realizing it. Snake's goggles worked of the principle of heat given off by all creatures, and therefore refracting light around Latias' feathers wouldn't fool it. Falcon obeyed and swiped in front of her, and though it was something he normally doesn't do, she was using her own tricks.

"_How did you know_?" Latias asked innocently, though maybe a bit bluntly.

Falcon accelerated as he reached the next turn. He swiftly drifted around it and noticed that this was the most awkward, twisting section of the mountain, near the top. Latias started to recede behind from Snake's goggles as she seemed to be slowing down.

"_Well, at least I tried, farewell, until we meet again Falcon_." Latias said as she lifted off of the ground and went into the sky.

"Why did she leave? She almost had us!" Snake questioned, as he was excited to be in a fast moving car moving at dangerous speeds racing a dragon-like Pokemon using invisibility. (A/N: seriously, how often does THAT appear in a fan-fic?)

"She is awfully clumsy, and this section is really dangerous, she almost crashed here before." Falcon replied as he lifted off of the throttle to assume a slower and more stable speed.

"What do you mean 'Before'?"

"Well, I found her up here before, and I challenged her to a race, but it kind of got out of control." Falcon responded, now at a slow 40 mph (65 km per hour).

"Oh, well glad to see she isn't hurt, seems like a nice girl." Snake warmly replied.

"Oh my, yes she is, would never hurt a fly of her own accord, she only attacks when instructed- Wait, what's that?" Falcon was sidetracked when he saw another pair of lights in his rearview mirror.

The lights were getting closer by the second as Falcon neared the edge of the dangerous twisting section. As soon as he got to the end of the section, he noticed that the lights were from a car, and it was coming right for him. It was an orange car, with a black carbon fiber hood, and a bunch of Japanese letters all over it. It resembled what seemed to be a….

"A Nissan™ Skyline® GT-R R34!" Snake exclaimed in fear, of what was truly one of the most awesome cars to ever come out of Japan. Snake could feel his pulse rise, he may not have known what was Latias was, but he sure as hell knew what that was.

"Samurai Goroh, that's my rival!" Falcon exclaimed, and before he could even get the car up to full speed on the downhill, the R34 overtook him and continued on its way.

Falcon promptly let go of the gas as he gave up on the attempt of catching up.

"It's no use; we'll never catch an R34." Falcon said, rather disappointed, but it was true, the AE86 was no match for such a car.

They slowly drove down the mountain, with their heads hung in shame, until a familiar sign came into sight…

"I'm Getting like 5 Taco Supremes!" both of them said simultaneously. As smiles both grew on their faces.

They earned it.

* * *

(A/N: WOW, did anybody actually finish that? If you've still got enough attention span to even be reading this, then you're a real trooper. I salute you for putting up with my 'car' and I assure I will never make you suffer through this again.

If you did like it though, leave a review, and I'll make sure to respond. Up next: Ike, the obvious but lovable Mercenary who points out the obvious just too much….)


	4. Obvious Mercenary

(A/N: This one gets pretty dramatic as it nears the end, then I COMPLETELY destroy it, only to start up the drama at the very end again. It also develops what ever plot I'll probably shoot down anyways. xD

Thanks to everyone who put up with me and my crazy Initial D antics, great to know people will read something that they really don't even care about.

Major thanks to Shadow-Rukario-Kyrill, whom has kept my attention span focused long enough to do this, and not start randomly acting like I know how to play a guitar while listening to some rock songs.

Thanks to StonerPikachu for correcting a very noticeable blunder in the grammar on my part.)

Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything except the story, and my auto-pilot imagination.

* * *

**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**

Obvious Mercenary

Ike

_Ike's a mercenary on a mission, but the only problem is, he has no idea what that mission is. He's rather outspoken and blunt, and has a penchant to point out the obvious. If everyone is COMPLETELY aware of it, you'd better believe Ike's gonna say it. But this shortcoming is hidden under the fact that he is also honest, with fair intentions, and always speaks his mind. There aren't many friends like Ike, certainly a keeper._

"_Oh my god! That's a Giant robot_!"

* * *

Snake and Falcon were returning from their adventure to Taco Bell, in which Snake also has a script, a cast, and a record deal for the soundtrack. Movie's coming to a theater near you soon.

"Hey, thanks Falcon! That was awesome and totally out of Fan-Fiction Protocol!" Snake yelled as Falcon drove away from the mansion gates

"Any time dude, anytime." Falcon yelled back as he waved, then went on into Smashville to run some errands that will not be described because it's totally mundane and I know you're reading this to see some ass kicking. So Falcon blew up a princess' flower garden with a smart bomb as he drove by, due to fan request.

So Snake proceeded to walk into the mansion, and decided that now after eating at Taco Bell, he hadn't had a drink, because he was wolfing down his food like Big Boss, enough supplies to run a small country for a month… gone in one sitting. He ran into the lobby and thrusted down the hallway to the Bar. He looked older than the dude checking for ID, so they let him in after a few 'verbal' threats, which included a hailstorm of grenades, a Box-Fury attack, and a space-chimp named Chuck.

"I'll get a Coca-cola!" he yelled to the bartender.

Everyone proceeded to gasp, simultaneously, as if they had rehearsed it.

"Uh, sorry dude, but Coke has been outlawed in Nintendo since 1987, due to uh… I don't know why exactly, But Pepsi is still around." A dude with a light set of armor, a cape, The Holy Sword of Ragnell, in which Snake didn't exactly know how he knew what that was, and he had Blue hair.

"WHAT! You guys have never had a Coke?" Everyone in the room shook their head.

"WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!?" Snake yelled as he bust out the window conveniently located next to him.

After figuring out that he was on the first floor, and any injury he received during the fall wouldn't be considered heroic, but rather stupid, he picked himself up until he saw the other guy who was talking, randomly bust out of another window that was maybe 5 feet from the window he bust out of.

"Awesome." The man said as he landed, with a smile on his face.

"Why did you do that? Wouldn't Cheap-O-Depot Masterhand get mad at us just randomly breaking his windows?" Snake wondered out loud.

"I've just always wanted to do that, and now I looked heroic doing it. Colon, Uppercase D!" The man announced.

"What's Colon, Uppercase D?" Snake wondered

"It looks like this, :D." The man replied

"You verbally say your Smiley faces?"

"Yeah! Lowercase x, Uppercase D!" The man replied again.

"Cool! I'm Solid Snake, Who are you?" Snake asked he extended his hand to shake the man's hand.

"I'm Ike, the lovable and obvious mercenary!" Ike said as he gladly shook Snake's hand.

"Nice to meet ya Ike." Snake stated.

"Hey dude, you gonna' go partying with us into Smashville tonight?" Ike asked.

"You guys are having a party?" Snake replied

"Yeah!" Ike excitedly said; glad to have some new company.

"Why the HELL was I not informed of this before?" Snake asked pretty angrily.

"Who's your roommate?" Ike wondered.

"This mean jackal dude named Lucario" Snake said as he sniffled, again for his box.

"Uh… Nobody really gets along with Lucario, everyone is afraid to." Ike said rather hesitantly

"Why!?" Snake exclaimed.

"Uh… I've already said enough." Ike started sweating.

"What? How, is it a government secret in which Lucario drives a Metal Gear and I have to stop him with my assortment of Chaff grenades and Stingers, and Game-Overs?

"Uh.. I- Would-n't wor-ry about it if I we-re you." Ike started to stutter.

"Wait, but why?" Snake started to get mad; he wasn't getting any useable info.

"LOOK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!" Ike yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Okay, okay, gawd, fine, be that way." Snake retorted.

"So, uh, still wanna go to that party?" Ike asked, completely changing his tone and subject.

"Hell yeah!" Snake said, also changing his tone and subject.

"So when's it start?" Snake then wondered out loud.

"Fifteen minutes ago…" Ike replied

"D'oh!" Snake said as he stole something from Homer Simpson.

So Snake and Ike ran, albeit at the slowest pace know to man, because they were the slowest men, known to man. Somehow, they actually managed to get up to the large SUV carrying a boatload of Smashers. Snake whipped out two Cyphers, The floating gun camera, and shoved one to Ike, and they both took off high into the air, and let go of the Cypher at about ten feet to land perfectly upon the SUV. Which was unnecessary, as it hasn't even started moving. After about two minutes, it started on it's way, and down the road to Smashville, with Ike and Snake on top, but they didn't have to worry about the wind knocking them off, they both weighed more than any normal human of their stature could ever hope to attain.

* * *

One boring and non-Captain Falcon drive later.

* * *

"Woah, when did we get to Las Vegas?" Snake asked, now realizing that the SUV had gotten lost several times, and it was now dark out, as the Smashville strip was bathed in Neon lights and Shiny Cars.

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna party like it's 1997." Ike stated, bringing back nostalgic times.

"Whooo-Rahhh!" Snake yelled, pretending he was in the Marines, but he wasn't, the Marines would never trust the faith of the United States in the hands of a guy who can't even make his own Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. So he got Secret-Agent Foxhound instead.

Snake and Ike hopped off the SUV as every other Smasher hopped out of the doors, needless to say, Snake and Ike left craters where they landed. There were a bunch of Smashers Snake had never seen before, A Chimp with a Nintendo hat, an Anthromorphic Kitsune with a laser blaster that wished it was a S.O.C.O.M., a Kid with cat eyes in a green tunic and an arsenal of gear that reminded Snake of his 'Kid Snake' years, a guy in a green tunic that looked a like the kid with cat eyes, an Anthromorphic Bird with another crap-blaster, a Princess in a pink dress with a crown weeping over her Garden, courtesy of Falcon, A giant penguin, a bunch of Puffballs, WAIT A GAINT PENGUIN?

"Holy Crap Ike, look at that Penguin!" Snake whispered to Ike.

"That's King Dee-Dee-Dee, he's a comedian." Ike whispered back.

"Are you sure that's not a penguin?" Snake persisted.

"He's the king of Dreamland, but no one cares, he's funny" Ike replied.

"I'm positively almost CERTAIN, that that's a penguin." Snake kept persisting.

"Whatever, probably is, I didn't make that crazy game up." Ike Retorted.

So Snake and Ike dropped it from there, and went to party in the Casino like it was 1997.

(I don't want to give younger readers ideas, so I'll leave it at that, and I'm too lazy to describe a party, so just go with it, 1997, that's enough description xD.)

Snake and Ike walked out of the casino, now satisfied with the enjoyment of partying like it was 1997. But they noticed a bunch of craters on the ground, ones that looked like they left, and there was no SUV present.

"I could've sworn the SUV was right here. MAN am I wasted!" Ike obviously pointed out.

"Uh, you can't get wasted here Ike, this is Nintendo remember?" Snake said, mad at all the rules this underage gaming console provided him. He couldn't even smoke.

"Damn, this is some strong-ass water then." Ike said as he toppled over, in a drunken smile, that he was good at believing he had.

"Those bungholes left us! Great, now we have to walk!, I HATE walking, almost as much as I hate my Box-Crushing Evil British Brother of Doom, Liquid Snake." Snake pointed out as the author starts thinking of a way to properly introduce said character into this Fic, because he gets ABSOLUTELY no love here on the Smash Boards, while everyone else's villains always make a freaking cameo.

"So uh, we have to walk down the Smash-Freeway back to the mansion." Ike pointed out the obvious. Didn't even have to pretend he was wasted to do that.

"Wait, I'll call Falcon on the CODEC." Snake smirked as he opened up his CODEC, too bad Snake forgot that he doesn't have Falcon's frequency.

"Damn it, well, I guess we're walking." Snake said as he closed the CODEC.

"Hey, Wait. Did you hear that?" Ike whispered as he pointed in the direction of a ruffling bush.

"It's probably just a raccoon or something, Come on, lets go, I'm not getting any younger, as a matter of fact, I'm getting older at 2 times the speed." Snake said as he grabbed Ike by his collar and started walking in the direction down smash mansion.

(Well, this is a boring walking part, where we'll have to enter some generic rock song to move the plot along as they walk, so get you music players ready, then imagine scenes of Snake and Ike walking down a deserted highway at night while you listen to your favorite ROCK song, No RAP or TECHNO allowed, that's later on in the story.)

As they started nearing the gates of Smash Mansion, Ike started to become really nervous, insisting that there was something following them, because he kept hearing ruffling in the trees.

"Look man, there is NOTHING following us, I'll bet you ten bucks we make it inside without a hitch." Snake insisted.

Where they reached the gate, they were about to get their keys out to open it, when they heard something, something bone chilling like a cool breeze in the night.

It was laughter.

"Snake LOOK!" Ike yelled as he manually adjusted Snake's head to be viewing on the top of the gates.

There stood a creature, which resembled Snake's Roommate, Lucario, but it wasn't Blue and Gold and Black like the one he knew. This on had a Copper-color coat, with the Black stripes on his face, and his legs and feet, and everywhere else, not as dark as the other Lucario, and it also as a metallic Black patch of fur, where the Gold on the other Lucario's torso was, and it had no spikes in it's chest or arms. It also had dark, red eyes. The Lucario was smiling at them.

"Snake, that's the Laughing Lucario!" Ike pointed out.

"Uh, you mean like the one Opel mentioned?" Snake, now recalling that conversation with that man.

"Yeah, now… RUN FOR IT!" Ike exclaimed as he started running the length of the mansion gates towards the back. Snake followed. They started running down the right side of the mansion as they took a turn, hoping for some way in, because Mr. Cheap-O-Depot Master hand has locked the gates and opened the Force-field generator to keep intruders out. They kept running the distance as they heard the laughter getting closer, it all felt like a bad dream, but Snake knew it wasn't, Nintendo didn't have the alcohol strong enough to induce THIS. Snake watched, in horror as Ike was hit by a giant orange ball of energy, then he felt something tense around his neck. Before he could yanked what ever it was off of him, it stopped him to a halt, and he could feel himself being brought down to sitting position, he couldn't make much of his captor, only the same copper fur as the Lucario, and it's black feet, which were wrapped his waist, pushing on his stomach, softly but surely. Before he knew it, his head was engulfed in its furry chest, and everything went dark, and he passed out.

* * *

_I felt hazy as I could barely open my eyes; I heard fire blazing around me, something I felt as if I had caused. Then I heard a Faint voice of a very familiar voice, it was British in nature, and it was Bone chilling._

"_Well, well, well, brother, it looks as if you've finally awaken."_

_I opened my eyes, and could barley see, my vision was blurry, and the world around us was set ablaze. I felt the fear of my accomplishment, what had I done?_

"_You may have destroyed Metal Gear, and my ambitions, brother, but we're not getting out of here alive, so we might as well settle it now."_

_I knew that voice all too well, and I knew what he meant. The adrenalin pulsed through my veins as I got up. I blinked my eyes one more time, and my vision became clear. I was ready to do this._

"_LIQUIDDDDD!"_

* * *

"LIQUIDDDDD!" Snake yelled, as he woke up from a dream. He huffed deeply, and looked at his gloves.

"It was only a dream… Shadow Moses…" Snake said, returning to his normal breathing rate, he looked around, and noticed, however, he was not in a dream, but what looked to be a traditional Japanese village, and Ike was still unconscious, although unharmed, next to him

"Where the hell am I? Feudal Japan?" Snake said, as he readied his Rocket Launcher, and prepared to start blowing up some huts to get his answers, being American rocked.

He nudged Ike, and tried to get the man up, but unfortunately, he was a VERY heavy sleeper. So he elbowed him in the stomach. That was accompanied by loud yelling and groaning from said character.

"Ugh, I think I have a hangover." Ike groaned, looking like he had the migraine from hell.

"YOU DIDN'T DRINK ALCOHOL" Snake yelled at the dumbfounded Ike.

Snake and Ike then realized they were surrounded by a multitude of Lucarios, of many different colors, starting at them, with their eyes glowing in the moonlight, with scary intent written on their eyes.

"He did it." Ike said as he pointed to Snake and shook fearfully.

Snake was about to speak, when he heard the same laughter, and a Lucario landed from a tree, the same coppered color one. It slowly approached them, its soft feet making almost no sound on the lose dirt.

Snake got ready, he's faced tougher odds before, but then again, he had a stinger missile launcher and a few chaff grenades last time.

Before Snake could attack, the creature spoke in a language that was VERY foreign to Snake.

"What the hell is it saying?" Snake whispered to Ike.

"I don't know, I can barley understand Math, what do you want me to do with a different language? Aren't you Japanese?" Ike asked Snake

"No, I was made there, but in the game, I am clearly of American origin" Snake replied, being American rocked.

"Can't you talk like 5 different languages?" Ike questioned.

"Hell no, that's Kojima just trying me look good, and my IQ isn't 180, considering I'm the pawn in every game I'm in." A very well educated Snake said.

* * *

_Flashback_

_(In Snake's Japanese class, with Snake as Kid Snake.)_

"_Okay Snake, I want you to come up here and tell us about yourself using what Japanese you learned." The teacher asked, patiently._

_Snake walked up to the front of the room, looking a bit nervous, then began to speak._

"_Hola, Mi llamo Snake, Yo tengo once anos. Me gusta Burritos, y Grenade Launcheros"_

_The teacher proceeded to slap his head. He picked up Spanish in a Japanese class._

* * *

"So what the hell are we gonn-" Snake started when he was interrupted by the Lucario.

"_Silence if you will, I would like to speak to the reptile man in private_." the Lucario said softly.

Snake froze at this; he had been SPECIFICALLY called out. This sent shudder of fear down his spine, one thing Snake couldn't stand was being called out, but since he was outnumbered 2 to 30, with no omnipotent chaff grenades, he guessed he really didn't have a choice but to co-operate.

"_Come with me please_." The Lucario motioned to Snake to a spot behind him with a smile.

"What if I refuse?" Snake fiercely asked.

The Lucario shot Snake a glare that paralyzed him, and he couldn't control his limbs anymore, they were moving of their own accord. He body eagerly walked up to the Lucario, who was still smiling at him, while Snake's will resisted.

"_It is no use resisting, it will only make it harder upon you, please, if you will, please sit over here with me._" As the Lucario sat down behind a tree, crossed legged, and forced Snake's body to do the same. But Snake's body can't go cross-legged, due to the stricture of Snake's sneaking suit. Being American rocked, so he toppled face-first into the Lucario. After this Lucario struggled, having the same problem as Snake's roommate had, trying to get 3 times of its weight off of it, it finally managed to lay Snake in it's lap laying upwards, and opted to not try and move him any further.

"_I've been watching you reptile man, I've seen your odd ways_." the Lucario still softly and calmingly spoke.

"First off, I'm not a 'reptile man', I'm Snake, get the codename right or call me dude." Snake retorted.

"_Okay, Snake-san_." Lucario softly spoke, respectfully.

"It's Not Snake-san, its Solid Snake, or Dude, or Bro." Snake obviously didn't like getting called titles of which he had no idea what they meant.

The Lucario ignored this outburst and kept going.

"_I'm sure you've become quite acquainted with your roommate_." The Lucario, now using its soft paws to brush dirt on Snake's face away, spoke.

"We're not exactly on the best of terms." Snake replied, although if was very creepy to have a creature use hypnosis upon someone, then softly rub its victim as if he is his son, it was pretty calming.

"_Hmm, had an argument over some petty reason?" _it asked, indicating that it was not posing Snake as a threat.

"…touched my box…" Snake said as he started to sniffle. This baffled the Lucario, of how someone could have such deep feelings for an inanimate object that was in no way, shape, or form, holy.

"_Well, do you harbor feelings for her?" _The Lucario asked, while soothing Snake with its soft paws.

"Harbor feelings for her? Of course, I love my box; she's always been there for me." Snake answered.

"_I meant my daughter, Calibra_." the Lucario corrected.

"Daughter? Calibra? SHE?" Snake burst out of nowhere; obviously he had missed something down the line.

"_Yes, she's really been depressed since the tournament started, but she's changed since you've been here_." the Lucario warmly replied.

"Wait, wait, wait, you mean my roommate is a SHE? And you mean she LIKES me?, no, no, no, that's not happening." The Lucario dropped to the floor, anime fashion.

"_Why not, is she too cold towards you? I'm sure I would be able to fix tha-_-" Lucario started, until Snake cut it off

"I'm an APE, she is a CANINE, we do not mix. Our DNA forbids it". Snake said, suddenly an expert in the field of DNA now. Lucario sweat dropped, anime fashion again, in which Snake found impossible to do, he was 'realistic'.

"_But Snake, Lucarios do not only bond to their mates, they bond to their friends very deeply. It does not require a physical relation_."

Snake thought for a second, the closest thing Snake ever had to a friend until Smash was his buddy Otacon, and Mei Ling, but he never really talked to her. Everyone always used Snake, he was their pawn, and he knew it. But did he want something such as Lucario as a friend? Something with the capacity to use hypnosis and other various power Snake didn't feel like trying to understand, upon him? The only reason Snake befriended Ike and Falcon was because the were so obvious in their talents, and they weren't shady at all, they were certainly warm to first time they had met Snake, and that's the foundation of a good friendship, but that Lucario attacked him, that isn't something he really wants to be friends with. Snake hadn't realized it, but the Lucario had been reading his mind like an open book, and started to weep.

"What, what happened?" Snake asked the now crying Lucario.

"_I know what you're thinking, (Sniffle) it's just that if Calibra doesn't make any friends soon, she'll become corrupted for the rest of her life_."

Snake fell speechless, considering the feelings of other isn't something he's used to doing, especially in a place like Shadow Moses, where emotion gets you stepped on by several tons worth of a Metal Gear.

"I'm sorry dude, but those powers you have aren't something I want to subject myself to on a daily basis." Snake coldly said.

"_Silence_!" the Lucario looked fiercely at the man, now with his clam demeanor gone.

"_If I can't convince you that Calibra is worth being friends with, then I shall show you some punishment until you think otherwise_." The Lucario looked into Snake's eyes with sadistic contempt.

"You're gonna' paralyze a man and hit him when he's down?" Snake mocked Lucario.

"_No, I'm more honorable than that, but let me clear your mind; I would like a worthy opponent in a hand-to-hand fight_." Lucario stated angrily, but Snake had enough of not being able to move his limbs, and was sure as hell not going to let a foreign creature 'Clear his mind' so Snake decided to reveal one of his 'Powers'…

Snake froze time with the item select window, then he used his ability to break the fourth wall and plugged his controller into the SECOND SLOT, and he grabbed a can of Coke™ out of the fridge because he was still thirsty. He gulped it down, and ran to use the bathroom. After that, he did his homework, watched the news, blew up several bases and stopped multitudes of Metal Gears, then he re-entered the current story.

"Bring it on, umm… ugly!" Snake said with a horrible lack of comebacks, but now he was free from all control, every good Metal Gear Solid fan knows that mind control fails against Snake.

"_How about a Hands and Feet only fight? Only a fool would trust their life to a weapon."_

Lucario asked as it smiled, the same way the other Lucario had smiled at Snake, he could see the resemblance.

"On what grounds?" Snake asked confidently, the Lucario forgot he was the master of lugging a bunch of useless crap around.

"_On the grounds that the rest of my village doesn't interfere_." Lucario smirked, and Snake had just remembered that he was in a village full of them, and had no back up, or support, or…

"Go get 'em Snake!" Ike yelled, who obviously watched as this unfolded, and decided to burst out at the worst particular time.

Snake then started stripping of the many metric tons worth of gear he had on him.

SOCOM, Nikita missile launcher, Grenade Launcher, Stinger Missile launcher, in which Snake has to remember where he put it the next time he is confronted. His Cyphers, his Claymores, his Rocket Propelled Grenade Rocket Launcher, his thermal Goggles, his Night Vision Goggles, his stealth, his tuxedo, and many more things. But he was NEVER going to take off his Infinite Ammo Bandanna, that he got for saving Meryl. That was his little secret. Nobody in the mansion would ever figure that out.

"So how we doing this? Uh… Nothing below the belt." Snake shifted his glance downward.

"_I would never do such a dishonorable feat in my life_." it calmly stated.

"How can I be so sure of that?" Snake asked, accusingly.

"_Because I know what that pain feels like_." the Lucario admitted

"So you're her father huh?" Snake understood.

"_Exactly_." He answered.

So Snake decided to be the aggressive one because all he wanted was to go home and eat some ill-properly cooked rations. He quickly approached the Lucario, just to have it duck out of the way when he swung his fist and the Lucario quickly upper-cutted him. This didn't stop Snake, whom tried to retaliate with a punch, but he missed again when the Lucario tilted its head to the side, and grabbed his arm, and flipped him over his back. The Lucario started to laugh at Snake, and his failed attempts of hitting him with a strong move, rather than fast and precise jabs. He got up off the floor, and rushed him again, but this time sweeped the floor, and tripped the Lucario. Snake then smirked as if he had already won.

"_Ahh, so you're using your feet now, let's see how you like my foot play_." The Lucario smirked and closed in on Snake, it seemed to Snake that this Lucario had been holding back…

The Lucario used its lighting fast feet to kick Snake several times in the face in under a second, then proceeded to nail Snake's abdomen with the back of his heel. Snake couldn't keep up with the barrage of kicks coming from the Lucario. He was feeling really woozy, and then he felt something tense around his neck. The Lucario had wrapped its legs and feet around Snake's neck, and then brought him to the ground; the Lucario's paw reached the ground, and successfully Flipped Snake over him. Snake had hit the ground pretty hard; But the Lucario didn't release its grip on snake, and kept its legs and feet around his neck. Snake was starting to pass-out again, until the Lucario messed up big time…

"_Did you really think you stood a chance against me? You're far too clumsy Snake-San, You'll need to do better than run around in that pathetic excuse for a symbol you call a box._" the copper Lucario laughed at Snake.

He messed up, big time. It was documented that this was the most fatal error ever preformed by a Lucario to date.

About the time he said Box, Snake had lost it. Snake lifted himself off the ground, and the poor victim we all knew as Lucario, and violently yanked him off of him. Before the Lucario could get up, Snake bulldozed him headfirst, then Snake punched him once, twice, then swung his legs around faster than any school for martial arts could teach someone. Then he kneed the Lucario in the head a few times, and SLUGGED the Lucario with all of his might. Lucario stumbled back, now bleeding from many places on his face, another blow like that and he was going to get knocked out, but just as he was gaining his composure. Snake grabbed his right arm, and left shoulder, and then Lucario saw something he wished he'd never would've seen, the fire in Snakes eyes, as Snake slammed him to the ground, the earth shook around them.

"Don't EVER DIS the box!" Snake said as he was now in his chain-smoking pose, with out the smoke, because it was Nintendo. Performing Big Boss moves sure did require a lot of pissing Snake off to do, but they were always effective. Snake stood there, and glanced at the Lucario, who was lucky not to have his heart stop.

Then Snake noticed all the other Lucarios had now completely ignored Ike and were closing in on Snake. Snake ran over his huge pile of crap he had to strip off, and then he froze time with the Item Select Window, and found a trusty Grenade that was always put some fun into a party, the Stun Grenade.

He pulled the pin and anxiously threw it right in front of him, as all the Lucario started running towards him. Right before they reached him. A Blinding Light, a Deafening sound later, everyone, even Snake and Ike, were unconscious on the floor.

Snake was used to getting hit by Stun grenades. Sometimes on his missions, he would just 'accidentally' miss an edge a bit and it would bounce back, and knock him out for several hours at a time.

Needless to say, Snake was the first one up, from all of his 'practice'. He nudged Ike, whom let out a scream because he didn't want to go back to school. Bad idea, at a bad time, Ike. All the Lucarios promptly woke up, and Snake and Ike were back to square one, but the copper Lucario was still soundly asleep. As the Lucarios approached them, Snake could've swore he heard the sound of a weak electric engine closing in.

Then out of nowhere, Captain Falcon busted in to the middle of the circle in a… yup, you guessed it, a GOLF CART.

"Get in dudes!" he yelled, as he started doing burnouts with the cart. Only Captain Falcon can do burnouts with Golf carts, it's his trademark.

Then an epic chase scene of epic proportions starts now. As Falcon jams the Gas pedal, he nearly takes out like 4 Lucarios, which is pretty good, considering they were in trees.

He slams down the pedal and continues on his 20mph rev-limit, to out-run the Lucarios in a test of Strength, Speed, and Endurance…

Definitely something the golf cart was NOT designed for. So… they were screaming like little girls the entire time as Aura Spheres were whizzing past them.

"Snake! Get back there and give us some cover fire!" Falcon said, as Snake dropped the 40mm grenades into his grenade launcher.

"Wait, Snake, you can't harm those Lucarios!" Ike said, as he interrupted Snake's Bad-Assness™

"Oh yeah, why the hell not?" Snake asked, pissed that someone, of all times, would have an excuse to NOT hurt something with his grenade launcher.

"Because they're an endangered species!" Ike said, pretty much ignorant of the situation at hand.

"And your about to be if you don't shut the hell up." Snake threatened.

Snake then got an idea, which might sway his friend into his way of thinking.

"Here! Use this Ike!" Snake said as he handed Ike the grenade launcher

A smile crept up on Ike's face. As he hung out the rear seat, held his left hand to the pole of the Cart's roof, and then wielded the grenade launcher with his right. Mayhem ensued.

"Take this you Canine bastards!" Ike yelled at the top of his lungs, it's a chase scene; he can do what ever he wants.

He started firing down the trees that the Lucarios were using to pursue them. Basically, if a Lucario's foot could land on it, it was getting blown up. He fired all six shots in one go, to notice he was out of ammo, so he held the launcher behind him, and motioned Snake to reload for him. Snake unlocked the cylinder, and shoved the spent grenades out. He then took a large speed loader, and shoved all six grenades in at once. He closed the cylinder, and gave Ike the thumbs up. Round two…

"So you thought it was over? Well guess what!" Ike yelled manically as he started firing off grenades at the Lucarios indiscriminately.

Snake, Falcon, and Ike could visibly see the front gates of Smash Mansion approaching, and a figure standing in front of them. It was a Lucario, but it wasn't one of the pursuers, it was the familiar Blue and Gold one, standing directly in the path of a crazy golf cart going 20 mph.

Falcon slammed on the brakes right in front of her, he didn't want to harm the Pokemon, even though he probably should've have. As he neared a halt right in front of her, the Aura behind her intensified. All the pursuing Lucarios used this chance to surround them yet again, but they remained still, not attacking.

"What the hell are you doing Lucario? Get out of the way!" Falcon yelled, frantically trying to get her to move.

"_Begone, the 'reptile man' and I have a score to settle_." Calibra said vengefully, as all the other Lucarios bowed out of respect, then headed back towards their community.

"Damn it, stop calling me that. Mah name is SNAKE!" Snake said, as he noticed Captain Falcon and Ike were getting of the cart and walking past her.

"Where the hell are you guys going?" Snake yelled, obviously didn't liked getting ditched by his closest friends so far.

"I can't move, something is controlling me!" Ike yelled, while unable to turn his head, as his body was forced into the mansion grounds.

"So, you're capable of hypnosis too, huh?" Snake eyed down Calibra, who had a cold expression on her face.

"_I'm capable of many abilities you can't even being to understand. Now prepare yourself 'Snake', I shall not make this painless_." Calibra said as it smiled, just like her father, and got into her unique fighting stance.

'_Damn, I thought I was home-free_.' Snake thought, he wasn't having the party filled night he would've hoped. Stupid Ike, always having bright ideas, even though Snake just met him. He readied his SOCOM in his hand, and took one last breath.

This was already a long night.

* * *

(A/N: Wow, that got pretty dramatic (for me anyway, I fail in anything having to do with suspense.)

This one was the longest thing I've ever wrote, 6000 words for one chapter in a humor? I never would've thought I could do it.

Thanks to all the reviewers, who've kept me going in writing this, and putting up for my crazy antics as I make Snake look like the biggest jack-ass in the world. You're words are of a great appreciation.

Up next, Zelda, the Therapist.)


	5. Magical Therapist

_(A/N: It's been forever since an update, if you got this via alert, you should be probably reread that last chapter to get caught up again._

_Zelda comes in kind of late… Sorry if you're a Zelda fan, but I need this fighting scene first…_

_Thanks to all you awesome reviewers, I read and respond accordingly to what ever point out.) _

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything except the story, and my auto-pilot imagination.**

* * *

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_ Magical Therapist  
Zelda_

_Zelda always did have the passion and ability to be a Therapist, so sure enough, that's what she went for. She is the mental Doctor in the Smash Bro's mansion, With Dr. Mario being the physical one. She has racked up some hefty experience, because so many Brawlers here have so many different mental issues, because they're all nut jobs, but the question is, can she deal with somebody like Snake, who thinks blowing things up can be justified with "I felt like it"? _

"_Who are you trying to convince, me or you?_

* * *

Lucario "Calibra" versus Solid Snake

Arena: Smash Mansion Courtyard (Night)

Music: Encounter (Metal gear Solid)

* * *

Snake took a breath, and readied his S.O.C.O.M.

"_So reptile man, how would you like me to harm you? Your body or pathetic sprit?" _Calibra stated threateningly

"Uh… what was the first one?" Snake asked

"_Your body_" She responded

"Okay let's go with that, I can just buy a new one off of Ebay™" Snake answered.

"_Baka_." Lucario thought softly

"Loser!" Snake yelled.

Just then, Calibra faded from Snake's sight, but Snake had tons of boss fights under his belt, so he simply rolled in the opposite direction because every generic boss in history does this stupid trick, but to Snake's surprise, he didn't see the Lucario pop out of nowhere and try to hit him in the back. Snake ran for cover behind a fountain, which was stupid because Calibra hadn't even fired anything at him yet. Snake decided to equip his Thermal Goggles, which nothing can hide from Thermal Goggles, because Snake bribed the developers of his game to make his equipment kick ass.

"Where the hell is she?" Snake started looking around bewildered, he was starting to think he won.

"_Oh… Reptile man, I'm up here_" Snake turned to see her standing just above the fountain he was hiding under. Snake didn't hesitate, Snake pointed his S.O.C.O.M. at her and thrusted the trigger…

But nothing happened. Snake looked at his gun,

'_Was it jammed? No, I haven't even fired yet. Is it broken? No, I haven't dropped it yet._'

Snake thought to himself. Snake just then realized that he forgot to bring ammo with him, for a clone of the world's greatest solder, he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

Snake fumbled with his Sneaking suit to see if he had left a single bullet in one of those bottomless pits. He accidentally dropped his wallet, and as he bent over to pick it up.

"_Now you shall see the power of the Aura!_" Snake heard as he reached for his wallet while a very loud sound and bright light ran parallel to his body.

"…The hell was that?" Snake asked as he came up and didn't see the source of the sound or light. Calibra facial expression turned from a smirk to horror when she realized what had just happened.

"_You dodged it? But that's impossible_!" She said angrily.

"Dodged what?" Snake wondered.

Calibra was getting frustrated, the strongest Aura attack, wasted by a buffoon who couldn't even keep his wallet secure enough so it can be stolen when he's playing at the arcade

Calibra then calmed down, and used the move 'Taunt', which in the Pokemon world, forces the opponent to attack. As she stood in her Crane stance, She wagged her finger mockingly at him, but the she realized Snake has used his signature move.

'Cardboard Box A' This is a move in which shields Snake from every status infliction known to man and Pokemon alike, it even makes him obvious to 'Taunt' and Snake has infinite Power-Points to use the move, because he's just bad-ass like that.

"I'm too sexy for my box." Snake whispered, hoping Calibra didn't see him go in it, but too bad he was in the middle of a flat area with no other boxes and his box just happened to have written on it: 'Yo fool, 'dis is Snake's box, now leave be-fo' I 'Gattz you wit mah Gunz!". Snake was such a poser.

Calibra scuttled towards him at lighting speeds and readied her Force Palm as she closed in for the kill, until she saw Snake stand up and tossed the box ever so slowly in her direction, and it managed to hit her, and it did a MASSIVE…

"1 Percent Damage! Yeah I'm just awesome like that!" Snake was pretty much sure he had won the fight, because usually the bosses he faced always flattened him, laced him with bullet holes, and kick him off of cliffs before he even hit them once. But he was still a poser. He also had a movie in planning and a record deal for the soundtrack sung by the 'The Boxes'. In select theaters this Friday

"_You're pretty arrogant for such a childish attack_." Calibra responded, now having a WHOPPING 1 percent damage. This didn't bother Snake, he'd been called other big, meaningless words before, what made hers different?

"Oh yeah? Well um…uh… You're still ugly!" Snake said triumphantly, he didn't have a big arsenal of comebacks, because he can't afford cable and can't watch stand-up comedy, what a poser.

Calibra decided to cut straight to the chase and flung a very large aura sphere at him, that made the aura spheres her villagers threw look like kid's meals. Snake dodged it by standing PERFECTLY still, because Calibra may have been a very well trained individual in hand-to-hand combat and various martial arts in which she mastered the art of kicking her feet lightning fast, but she know nothing of marksmanship.

"Man, you aim like that idiot Vulcan Raven in a tank, I mean the Tank freaking LOCKS ON and he still missed me with the damn thing." Snake said as he recalled some memories of him fighting an M1 tank with nothing but hope in his heart, and toilet paper, which he stole and the guards at Shadow Moses had a BIG problem with that.

"_SILENCE! I do not need you to identify the flaws of my skills_."

"Loser!" Snake replied.

"_Baka!_" Calibra insulted.

Before Snake could come up with an ill-crafted comeback which would have involved a wood-chipper, Calibra appeared right in his face, and she kicked him in his face with her feet even faster than her father's kicks. Snake was being pummeled yet again, and it went on for a good time, until she got her foot jammed in his mouth, and she was lucky to not have her foot bitten off, Snake is related to Big Boss after all, and a Lucario does taste a lot better than a poison mushroom any day of the week.

"_Let go of my foot you repulsive human_!" Calibra said, struggling to dislodge her foot.

"Muummmphhh!" Snake muffled, her foot still jammed in his mouth.

Finally, Snake ripped her foot out of his mouth.

"Disgusting!" Snake almost puked, he however, was still not Big Boss, Calibra was lucky, Big Boss would've have eaten her right then and there. Snake isn't too fond of bad tasting food, like his dad was, because his dad had eaten Russian Rations, and that tastes worst than dirt, I'm not kidding, only the 'Greatest Solder Who Ever Lived' could survive eating one of those.

"What the hell kind of taste was that?" Snake said, stripping the molecules from the taste buds on his mouth one by one.

"_Well, I do run miles on different types of dirt each day_." Calibra couldn't help but giggle at Snake's misfortune, but her giggle fit was abruptly ended when she got nailed in the head by a grenade traveling at a very high velocity. She frantically tried to get out of its blast radius but she was too slow and it blew her into the mansion walls. Then as she struggled to get back up, she saw a blurry image of a slow moving bullet that had fire and smoke coming out of it, which seemed preposterous, until she realized it was actually a… FREAKING MISSILE. The missile hit her and collapsed the mansion walls on top of her, and she was stuck under the rubble, with only her head and arms sticking out. She tried to shake the rubble off of her, but to no avail. She noticed Snake walking her way, with a smirk on his face.

"Now…. It's time to finish you off!" Snake said threateningly, as he reached into his back pockets. Calibra thought for sure that it was the bitter end…

"…With useless Questions!" Snake said as he pretty much destroyed any and all anxiety that Calibra had, and took out flash cards.

"What came first, the chicken or the egg? " Snake asked.

"_I…Uhhh…I don_-" Calibra stuttered as she was interrupted.

"Why does Captain Falcon's car get crappy gas mileage?" Snake interrupted.

"_I…um…I'm not very cer_-" Calibra stuttered once more.

"Why does the author keep breaking the fourth wall in the middle of this story?" Snake asked again.

"_I… I don't KNOW_!" Calibra said as she slipped from consciousness.

Snake with a smirk on his face; put a card into her hand that subtlety stated:

'YOU HAVE JUST BEEN PWNED BAH SOLID SNAKE AND DA BOX! :P'

Snake was still such a poser.

As Snake was walking away from the wreckage, he was confronted by an Elf looking woman with long ears that looked like she had just woken up. Snake was pretty sure that this was normal appearance and could NOT POSSIBLY involve the very loud chain of explosions he had just set off. What was even more amazing was that she was the ONLY other Smasher to hear this commotion going on, just to say that all the other 30 Smashers (not including Falcon and Ike because they were hypnotized) were completely deaf.

"What in the King's name of Youtube™ Poop is going on here?" The woman asked.

"Nothing, Mah Boi." Snake replied.

"I'm a girl." the woman answered.

"Dinner." Snake replied.

"Please, don't start this". The woman retorted.

"That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario!" Snake ignored.

"Oh no, stop!" the woman begged.

"This is a Volcano!" Snake randomly blurted out again.

"NO!!" the woman screamed.

"It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAANND" Snake yelled loud enough to wake the mansion up two times over. He can't afford cable but he has the best internet in Nintendo for watching Youtube™ Poops. He can watch an hour and a half worth of Youtube™ poops in 30 minutes.

Then it was awkward for a while, until Snake realized he was a bit drowsy, and his back was itching pretty badly. He reached to scratch his back when he felt several sticks lodged into it. He pulled one out and examined it, it was a Dart shot through a pipe that tribal people often used, and it was laced with sedatives strong enough to bring down an entire anime convention with one drop. It had a picture of a Lucario smiling on it, and then Snake realized he had been hit several DOZEN times. It was pretty obvious he acquired it from the whole 'Golf Cart' scene, because he swore he was being hit, he just wasn't sure by what.

'_Well if they hadn't stopped me, maybe they aren't that stron_-' Snake thought before cap-siding and went dead asleep on the floor.

* * *

"_Colonel! That ninja, that was Grey fox!" I yelled into the CODEC._

"_That's impossible Snake; you yourself killed him, in Zanzibar land!" Was the response I got._

* * *

_This was it, I could just fire the stinger, and kill Liquid, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't pull the trigger_

"_Were not tools of the government…or anyone else…. fighting was the only thing…. I was good at… but at least I always fought… for what I believed in." The ninja being crushed by the tip of Metal Gear Rex was struggling to finish. _

_There was no way I could kill Liquid without killing Grey Fox. I didn't want to be responsible for his death a second time. No, I've already killed too many friends, but in one shot, and it would all be over. _

"_Farewell Snake." The cyborg ninja said as his final words before being crushed by Metal Gear REX._

"_FOOOOXXXXX!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, before realizing I had let one of the few people I ever trusted in my life, just die, in front of me. But I heard that familiar British voice again, a voice I had come to loathe in this place._

"_Foolish man, where ever death is entreated, the battle is decided." the pilot of the Metal Gear said as he clamped REX's claws on the hard steel floor. That voice…. That voice will pay dearly…_

"_LIQUIDDDDDDDDD!"_

* * *

"LIQUIDDDDDDDD!" Snake screamed as he rose up. He looked at his gloves, to check if it was really happening.

"What the hell, why of all times am I remembering this?" Snake asked himself pretty loudly, it was only then was he aware of his surroundings. He looked around; it was a well furnished room, with a lot of wood accents and shine bright enough to rival the Author's Bigger Brother's chrome rims.

Snake also noticed the shocked faces of the elf chick he met last night, the EVIL Calibra, and he also noticed the Copper-colored Lucario he had slammed into the floor last night was there too, Snake wanted to edge away from them, they both knew hypnosis and Snake was too lazy to break the fourth wall and plug the controller into Port Two as a safety.

'_Maybe if close my eyes, they'll go away, I mean it worked for Scooby Doo_.' Snake said as he covered his eyes like an idiot and started making those snoring noises again, which everyone probably hated but him.

"Enough, now Snake, let's try to be civil here." The elf girl asked.

"How do you know my name? Are you working for the Russians? Answer me!" Snake yelled out as he banged his fist on the table like any generic Private-Eye investigator.

"You had a note taped on you back that said 'Solid Snake" The elf woman calmly replied.

"Did you say taped?" Snake asked as he tried to gain his composure.

"Yes." The elf woman replied

"May I see the note?" Snake asked, with a crazy look on his face.

"Okay, I guess…" She answered as she held the up note, she was a little confused until she saw snake throw a grenade at it with the look of pure vengeance.

"What the hell are you doing!?" The elf woman asked as she dropped the note and tried to frantically escape from the grenade's blast radius. Needless to say, Snake left a nice, large hole in the elf woman's room, which he probably wasn't going to pay for anyways.

"Tape is my mortal enemy!" Snake said sounding pretty stupid again.

"What are you talking about?" The woman asked.

"Read a few chapters back." Snake retorted.

"What do you think this is, some kind of Fan-Fic?" The woman mocked.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it is." Snake informed.

"Now, stop being unethical and clam down." The woman asked of Snake.

"You aren't my mother!" Snake burst out of nowhere and banged his fist on the table again.

"Enough!" Calibra commanded, obviously getting a migraine from the disaster that is: Solid Snake, and there weren't any headache pills around anymore because the damn electric rat kept eating them all. This earned her a surprised look from the Elf woman and Snake. Snake then realized that Calibra was staring right into his soul.

"Oh crap they spotted me!" Snake burst out of nowhere.

Then out of nowhere, the mellow music changed the Encounter Music for Metal gear Solid again as TEN THOUSAND Genome Guards came into the small room and started spamming stupid phrases such as "What was that noise?" and "Must be my imagination.". These guys had to be wasted 24/7 for their imagination to be that bad. Snake has successfully avoided being spotted by holding up a conveniently placed sign that said 'He went that way'.

"Wow, what a conveniently helpful statue!" all Ten Thousand Genome Guards said at once as they all shuffled out of the room in which the sign pointed, but the problem was that the sign was pointed towards a window and this was the fourth floor of the mansion, needless to say, a lot of men lost their lives today.

"Sorry about that. What were you saying?" Snake blurted out after the last Genome Guard left the room.

"_I'm just going to ignore that_." Calibra replied.

"As I was saying, my name is Zelda and I'm the therapist at smash mansion." The elf woman introduced.

"So? I have a degree in blowing stuff up because I feel like it." Snake said, because he felt like it.

"Snake, we think you and Calibra need to talk." Zelda said.

"_Like I would ever talk to such an ignoramus_" Calibra responded as she turned her head a way in an insulted gesture.

"Like I'd talk to such a smart-ass." Snake responded pretty bluntly.

"Snake, relationship difficulties sometimes come from a trouble childhood. How was your childhood?" Zelda asked, on therapist protocol.

"My- my childhood?" Snake stuttered.

* * *

(A/N: Ohhh a minor cliffhanger! (Hate me)

Some of Snake's childhood will be revealed in the next chapter, along with a new character from brawl and then one other one I have to throw in….

I'm really sorry for the long update, but school steals my life away…

Thanks to Shadow-Rukario for letting me jump a lot of our "Conversations" (Arguments) into this Fan-Fic, and from what I'm told, Baka means idiot in Japanese, and so we'll just go with that.

And if you wondering, every time Snake gets knocked out, he'll have flashbacks to Shadow Moses, might give you a little extra background for those of you who can't play the game due to its rating.

Reviews would probably boost my morale to write the next chapter faster, but I'm not sure if my humor is just now getting weird.)


	6. Nurturing Aura

(A/N: Well, I'm back and this time, I'm throwing in Calibra's Dad as the introduced character, even though he was mentioned and seen throughout the story, now it's time to hear his story.

Thanks to all the awesome reviewers who keep me going, you guys rock!

I'm trying to make it a good piece of literature while making it funny too, I've seen it where some people completely neglect to describe stuff and just start doing random punch lines…

I assure you, my jokes are random, but at least they have some effect on the story.

Thanks to (or Blame) Shadow-Rukario for giving me some ideas.)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story and my Auto-Pilot Imagination.

* * *

**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**

Nurturing Aura

Copper (Calibra's Father)

_Copper was the name given to this particular Lucario because of the color his unique fur. He's an oddball, seeing as he has no steel spikes and has metallic black fur on his chest. He also does not have the Steel Type as one of his attributes, effectively meaning he is only a Fighting Type Pokemon. Seeing as how he has no steel on his body, he is naturally the weakest Lucario in his clan, and although he has trained vigorously to master special martial arts in which no normal Lucario could ever hope to comprehend, it didn't make up for his lack of strength when fighting Snake, whom easily overpowered him. But he is still the leader of his clan, simply because he is also the kindest, and most intelligent of his clan, and can often settle a turf-war with words and no violence. He is Calibra's father, but he isn't very attached to her, because she neglected to care about him, and though it left his fatherhood and heart broken, he still feels obligated to take care of her, even if it's from the shadows. Also, at times, he can have a very jolly attitude and is often called 'The Laughing Lucario'_

"_I shall always be there, watching, protecting, and repaying my debt, Calibra"

* * *

  
_

"My- my childhood?" Snake stuttered

"Yes, tell us about it Zelda." reassured

"Well, it all started in 1973, during the Les Enfantes Terribles. The U.S. Government wanted to expand on one of it's best assets, the Legendary Solider, Big Boss, by producing clones who would be genetically identical to him, but the cloning technology of the day was inferior and as a cost, the Clones would deteriorate when they reached the age of the subject who was cloned." Snake informed. There was no way in hell that he could actually have known this just by going through his life, he had to be reading about himself on Wikipedia™ .

"Go on." Zelda pressed.

"Well…" Snake started as they enter into a flashback.

* * *

"_Thanks for the ride dad!" I shouted at the very large Bi-pedal Tank that dad calls a 'Metal Gear', what ever that means._

"_What ever." He coldly replied, obviously he didn't sound to enthusiastic about going to work today. Which when I come to think of it, where the hell does he work anyways?_

_Well I started on my way, this was the first day of 5__th__ grade, and I was determined to be the coolest kid on the block. I had all the cool-kid stuff, a Bandanna, rock hard abs, and a Mullet to top it off too. I was assigned to 'Master Miller's' classroom. I followed the various hallways where I saw many different people, including an orange dog in blue shorts and tennis shoes, some kid with spiky blond hair and a sword bigger than him, and a Blue hedgehog with running shoes on._

_I arrived at the classroom number 140.85, and I didn't know why, but I had the feeling that this particular number would be important in the rest of my life, almost like a CODEC frequency of some kind, but people talking through skulls? That's impossible._

_I saw some other kids walk in with an Alien device, known only as a Gameboy™. I've heard that Gameboy's were the coolest and latest thing from another galaxy called Nintendo, but that's just a legend they tell Sony kids to keep them on their toes. I had to remember if Dad can get one of those for me._

_I was about ready to take my seat and place my colorful Hotwheels™ book-bag on the desk when I heard a sudden voice. A voice I know I will grow to loathe off some island off the coast of Alaska due to some freak coincidence that isn't explained until I'm an old man._

"_Well, well, well, brother, it looks like me and you are in the same class this year." The British voice spoke._

"_LIQUIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDD!" I yelled, because it's a tradition to yell everyone's names in my household._

"_SNNNNNNNNAAAAKKKKEEE!! Was the response I got._

_Of course we got everyone's attention, we do have pretty loud voices, but nonetheless, I just didn't give a damn. This was Liquid Snake, My twin brother whom has blonde hair in a different style, and we share the genes of Big Boss, and he has the dominate genes and I have the recessive, but as a joke, Dad told Liquid was inferior because Big boss didn't like his kids being blond, it was just a personal thing that was never explained._

_The day went on basically us competing to kick each other's ass in every other subject._

_Unfortunately, we fail at the exact same subjects, because we were pretty much clones of the same person._

"_Hah! I got a 100 on my math quiz!" I taunted to Liquid_

"_So did I, idiot." He retorted_

"_Oh yeah, well what'd you get on your IQ test?" I asked mockingly_

"_It came back negative…" He replied._

"_Mine too!…" I said excitedly_

_(_These were still the dumbest kids on the block._) _

_Well, the last subject of the day came, and I couldn't figure out if I would love or hate it. _

"_Hand to Hand Combat" Master miller said._

_Of course at this time, I was still arguing with Liquid that I could kick his ass in ping pong any day of the week, until…_

"_Snake, Liquid! Someday my instruction will be important when a Freaking Bi-Pedal Jackal with psychic abilities attacks you and you need to be ready.' Master miller announced, pretty angrily._

"_Psssh, that'll never happen to me." I pushed it off like it was nothing. Seriously? A Bi-pedal Jackal?, that's almost as preposterous as my best friend later in life being an Anime dork named after an actual convention…

* * *

  
_

"And then back in the 80's, I totally had an afro too!" Snake replied, remembering the good times.

"Ohhhh….kay…. So you're a clone?" Zelda said while backing away from Snake.

"Yeah, they cloned me because Big Boss couldn't get laid." Snake replied pretty bluntly.

"O.. kay…, um… let's move on to Calibra." Zelda said as Calibra shot her a cold look. She obviously did not want to talk about her past.

"Well Calibra, we're waiting." Zelda said, not intimidated, as Calibra earned a stare of everyone present.

"_I do not wish to talk about it_" Calibra muttered lowly.

"Stop being such a pansy and say it!" Snake blurted out.

Calibra shot Snake the most cold hearted look on the planet, and proceeded to seize him by the chest and trip him onto the ground, then she softly and coldly sat on top of him and thrusted the spike on her right arm at Snake's throat.

"_May you repeat that_?" She said in the cold tone a huntress uses when teasing it's prey before she finishes it off.

But before she knew it, Snake crunched his knees up, and knocked her off of his chest, then in a struggled frenzy, he managed to thrust his knee pretty hard in her stomach, knocking the wind from her lungs, and he seized her by the throat and drove her straight into the mahogany wall. He then extracted and pointed the Grenade Launcher at her face.

"I said, stop being such a PANSY and say it!" Snake demanded. Snake may have been an idiot logically and mentally, but when you point a sharp object at his throat, 'Big Boss' instinct will kick in, and he will become a maniac with only one goal, being Bad Ass.

Now with Calibra in a position where she could actually see the 40MM explosive shell in the barrel ready to fire, she was a bit more co-operative.

"Fine, please, just let go of me you mutt." Calibra struggled to communicate via telepathy as she was slipping away from consciousness due to the lack of oxygen. Snake let go of her and she struggled to regain her breath, while shifting her windpipe in it's proper direction. Zelda 'guided' Snake back to the couch via an very angry pointing gesture, it took Snake some time to get it, but eventually, he sat on the couch. Calibra struggled to sit down, unfortunately for her, Snake had been 'asked' to sit on the same couch as where she was sitting. She tried to sit as far from Snake as possible, but Zelda didn't really earn to much money, and it was a tiny couch, so she was still physically touching him. She regained her focus and started to talk.

"_Well, I was a once solitary Riolu, but my father wouldn't leave my alone, he insisted that I acquire some acquaintances, even 'Friends', but he fails to see the unjust ways of all beings other than pure beings of Aura, like ourselves. When I finally evolved into a Lucario, I was still not satisfied with the power, I wanted more, so I've trained relentlessly in the mountains honing my skills. Until Father insisted that I join this pathetic excuse for a martial arts tournament." _

"So how was your father like, was he harsh upon you?" Zelda asked.

'_Man… this is soooo boring, it's like watching the freaking news…_' Snake thought to himself, he wasn't a particularly critical thinker.

"_Silence, imbecile, I am going to continue_." Calibra said as she shot Snake another disgusted look

"What the hell? Stop reading my mind, damn it! Before I start thinking in gibberish! And I'll do it too!" Snake yelled, he didn't like being read like a book, because he couldn't even read a book himself, but reading was for dorks, and Snake had convinced himself that he was Bad-ass, therefore reading was completely obsolete.

"_No, Copper, my father was never harsh, even when he should have been. He's too lenient and he never got angry. But he's also a pathetic excuse for a Lucario, not supplementing his powers through meditation, and instead, being kind to all other creatures as he helped others. He's just a pathetic fighter too, I'm glad to say that he wasn't the one to teach me how to engage in a fight. He's also an oddball Lucario, because of his lack of the Steel type and spikes, plus a Copper coat. I'd just wish that he had been a stronger father." _Calibra stated pretty coldly.

Copper hung his head and shame, and proceeded to exit from the room, having brought shame to his entire clan, but he was stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned around to see Snake with a sympathetic look on his face.

"Don't listen to her, Copper, You sound like a great dad, I'd only wish I had you as a father, instead of Big boss. Big Boss was Bad-Ass and all, but he never was around for me, he never taught me how to play catch or watched the baseball games with me, hell, he'd never told me he loved once, Calibra is taking you for granted." Snake assured Copper, who now had a smile on his face after hearing this.

"So, Calibra, he was like a motherly figure to you? How about your mother, how was she?" Zelda continued

"_My mother_?" Calibra asked, surprised

"Yes" Zelda pressed on.

"_Well, she was actually a_…" Calibra started before pausing

"Yes?" Zelda continued.

"_A Lopunny_" Calibra responded reluctantly

"What the hell's a Lopunny?" Snake asked, pretty rudely, but he didn't care, he just wanted to change the subject so he wouldn't hear Calibra's life story that probably wouldn't incorporate explosions anyways.

Otacon burst into the door out of nowhere at such a convenient time with a Laptop computer in his hands.

"I've got your answer right here!" Otacon said as he pointed to the web-page on his computer

"Uh… Otacon, how the hell did you find us and where the hell did you come from?" Snake wondered.

"Uh… I was bored and I hacked into the security system and saw you here." Otacon answered.

"How did you find this room without getting lost though?" Snake asked.

"You know, I'm not exactly sure." Otacon replied.

"Well, how the hell are we going to get back to our rooms then?" Snake asked.

"Ahem, Professor, may I see that laptop?" Zelda asked as she interrupted the conversation

"Oh, uh… sure, sorry, I just got sidetracked… whoa… a REAL breathing Lucario, just like in the Anime. Oh my god! I am not worthy!" Otacon said as he handed Zelda the computer and his Anime Fanboyness was kicking in.

"Shut up and sit down Otacon." Snake demanded.

"So… Lopunnies are like a giant Anthromorphic bunny with huge, unnecessarily long ears?" Snake asked.

"Yes." Otacon replied.

"Well, what's so special about that?" Snake asked.

"Calibra doesn't have a Lucario Mother, that means she has extra attacks that Lucarios are not supposed to possess." Otacon responded.

"Attacks?" Snake asked without thinking.

"Pokemon each have special attacks that set them apart from other Pokemon." Otacon said as he was starting to get frustrated with Snake.

"So?" Snake asked as he put absolutely no thought into it.

"Calibra's moveset is very unique, I tried to warn you earlier, but you hung up on me" Otacon said as his frustration was reaching its peak.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that but the author really needed a plot device." Snake responded.

"What ever, you see this list of moves?" Otacon asked as he pointed to the computer.

"Uh… they all have big words I'm unfamiliar with." Snake assured.

"Look at this, Calibra has a huge moveset, including, Aura Sphere, Aura Storm, Double team, Me First!, Extreme speed, Reversal, Taunt, Force Palm, Psychic, and uh…" Otacon started as he suddenly started to laugh.

"What? What the hell is so funny?" Snake asked bewildered.

"_Human, if you finish that sentence, you shall suffer a very slow and painful death_." Calibra threatened as she cold-heartedly stared at Otacon.

"She has Attraction!" Otacon said before bursting out in a full laugh

"What? Oh you mean like she uses an extreme amount of energy to turn herself into a giant positive ion and strip electrons out of her opponents via electrical attraction, therefore turning them into plasma?" Snake informed, now a sudden expert in the field of chemistry.

"What the…? Snake, has the Author been in a chemistry class lately?" Otacon asked as he was starting to catch on to the author's attempts to make Snake sound smart.

"Uh… maybe… yes…" Snake said, trying to play it off like nothing happened.

"No Snake, it means attraction 'Romantically'" Otacon said

"Uh…" (The Jeopardy theme song starts as the 45 second timer appears as Snake contemplates this.

Dun dan dun don dun da dun da dun, dunt da unt dunt, dunt, dunt dun.)

"I don't get it." Snake stated as he didn't have any idea what the hell Otacon was talking about. Romance was to Snake, what 'Rocket Science' is to you, the reader.

"Snake, have you ever been seduced by a woman before?" Otacon asked.

"Does Meryl count?" Snake asked as he was reminded about the incident with Psycho Mantis on Shadow Moses.

"No." Otacon replied.

"Nope." Snake answered back.

"Oh right, we were the only two losers in Sony that couldn't get laid" Otacon was suddenly reminded.

"Don't forget about Big Boss and all my bros" Snake interjected.

"Yeah them too." Otacon replied.

"What were we talking about?" Snake wondered.

"I don't know" Otacon replied.

"_Ahem, I'd wish to kill you both now, but there are witnesses about. Rest assured, I do not take pride in that particular ability, as if there was a pathetic male ever worth seducing anyways. I only received it because my mother had been taught it_." Calibra said as she started to blush while looking at Snake.

"What hell are you talking about? We're talking about the act of not getting laid, not the postal service." Snake said, completely missing her blush and instead focusing on what the next thing he'll blow up will be.

Well, an awkward silence followed, and Snake was starting to feel tired, it didn't take much to get a guy tired who could run from Alaska to the UN Headquarters in under one second, but that's just Snake.

"Hey, I'm just going conk out here because there is no chance in hell of me finding my room." Snake blurted out of nowhere.

"Please, hold on--" Zelda tried to stop Snake before…

"ZzzZZZZZzzzzz" Snake muttered as he snored quite loudly while drooling. He was a man of basic instinct.

* * *

(A/N: No cliffhanger?

Yes, he just went to sleep, what a let down huh?

That's what you readers get when you urge me not to include cliffhangers.

It could have been so much more epic.

But this sets us up for the next chapter.

Now Uncle…. Um… Gunner… yeah… that sounds cool…. Wants You! To review!. XD.)


	7. Charmed Aura

_(A/N: Whoa, I'm back! :D and this time, I'm giving more plot into my story, but Snake is still the same old jack-ass._

_If you don't like A/N, just skip this, it holds no importance to the story. It's just a reflection._

_You didn't get stuck on a cliffhanger last chapter did you? Well, in reality, you did, I just cleverly covered it up by making it seem like nothing was going to happen after Snake went to sleep_

_This chapter has no action in it, it's just (More) Character development. Next chapter will have a fight scene in it, and there's a poll at the bottom, check it out after you're done reading this._

_I'm actually focusing in on Calibra's family, and giving this story an actual plot of some sort. I never actually intended Calibra's family to be a part of the fic, maybe just vaguely mentioned, but it seems to draw heads more than Snake going around and blowing stuff up around smash mansion for seven chapters straight (I know some people still love that, I know what it's like. I'm actually one of those people.)_

_Wow, I hate myself more after every chapter I write, I really hate putting in OCs, but if that's the price of having a funny plot, I guess I have to do it. In all truth I'd like to use someone else's OCs instead, because I have to give mine a story and Blah, Blah, Blah, I just want to make people laugh, and that's hard to do when developing a story too._

_Yes, the beginning of this chapter is a flashback from Shadow Moses, used to develop Snake's past for those who haven't played MGS, so don't worry if it doesn't seem like what I normally write._

_Thanks to all the awesome open-minded Reviewers who support me in my tale of making Snake look a Jack-ass. For those of you who noticed that a Lopunny can't give birth to a Lucario, I promise to explain it next chapter, since that has you interested (I really didn't even realize I did that, I was just kind of going by real-life logic, but it is an interesting plot-device nonetheless.)_

_Don't forget about the poll at the bottom.)_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination**_**.**

* * *

  
_

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_Charmed Aura  
Corsa (the Riolu)_

_Corsa is Calibra's little sister, and she's not particularly fond of her older sister. Corsa was raised strictly by her mother. She was cursed with the defensive and charming moves from her mother while Calibra was blessed with all the aggressive and powerful moves. She had always longed for the day to live with her father, the tolerant Copper, and despised Calibra for taking him for granted. As far as she is concerned, she will do anything to sabotage Calibra when her mother isn't around. She has never evolved because her mother has never allowed her to be happy. She hopes for one day to be free from the shackles of fighting and evolve into a Lucario and journey to advocate peace. She mistakes Snake as a friend of Calibra's and abducts him, in an attempt to sabotage Calibra._

"_Calibra will pay for neglecting Copper!"

* * *

  
_

_As I walked in, I noticed an old man tried up to the wall against a pillar in the center to the room. It was President Baker, one of the hostages I had to rescue. As I walked to untie him, he muttered to me not to touch the wire. Then I looked down and saw a huge amount of plastic explosives, C4._

"_Right. Touch that wire and the C4 will blow up along with the old man!" So you're the one the boss keeps talking about?" I heard a voice say, I had no idea where it came from, until I looked around. I spotted an old man with a brown trench coat and an old 1870s Revolver handgun._

"_And who are you?" I asked bluntly, I had no time for nonsense._

"_Special Operations, Fox-hound… Revolver…. Ocelot" He answered, as he twirled his revolver around as if he was in the circus. This wanna-be Russian cowboy from hell was in my way from getting out of this place, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him stop me._

"_I've been waiting for you Snake, now let's see if the man can really live up to the legend." he said. I wasn't concerned, what that man had heard about me was probably all lies anyways. The real Solid Snake was far from all the rumors going around…_

"_This gun, is the best gun ever… Six shots, more than enough to kill anything that moves." The man said, pointing to his ancient gun. This guy must be joking to challenge me to a fight with a six shooter, and I have a 15 round SOCOM 45. on top of that. _

_He put the gun in the holster and pointed at my holster. I knew where he was getting at, he wanted to do this the old school way, so I obliged and holstered my SOCOM. We stared each other down for a few good seconds._

"_DRAW!"

* * *

  
_

Snake rose up pretty fast from his nap breathing heavily.

"What the hell is up with these nightmares from Shadow Moses!?" Snake asked no one in particular.

Snake looked around, expecting to be in the mansion, but to his dismay, he wasn't in the therapist's office anymore. He was once again in a field, but this time full of luscious green grass and a bright blue sky.

"What the…? Did we go into a commercial break? It looks like a laundry detergent commercial!" Snake said as he was smiling, he thought he was having a day off, to do nothing but sleep in his box, followed by being awake in his box, then followed again by sleeping in this box. It's a vicious cycle.

"No, you are in our territory now." A soft voice intruded.

"But I don't wanna go to school." Snake said, not wanting to take a quiz in 'Logic' today. That was his worst subject, and that wasn't even in an established subject in the 5th grade. Yes, if you're wondering, Snake never passed the 5th grade.

"No fool, behind you." The voice remarked.

Snake turned around to see what was basically a scaled down version of Calibra. But this creature wasn't blue like Calibra, but was instead a light shade of pink, and it had even larger, magenta eyes, than Calibra. It was shorter than Calibra and also had no spikes and no patch of fur on its chest, but instead a yellow collar like feature around its neck. And it only had two aura filters, as opposed to Calibra's four. But this didn't strike Snake as odd, his brain was kind of on the 'Permanently Off' position.

"Oh Calibra, phew, I thought I was abducted again." Snake said, relieved.

"I am not that despicable Calibra, and yes, you have been abducted. Let's see if your cold-hearted friend will save you now." The creature affirmed.

Snake looked around to see he was surrounded, yet again, but this time, by the large anthromorphic bunnies with unnecessarily long ears Snake could only identify as 'Lopunnies' from what Snake could barely remember from what happened a few hours ago. Short term memory was for chumps.

"How the hell did you even find me, didn't you get lost in the mansion?" Snake speculated, having remembered getting lost in the mansion for several hours in his box, causing some good old-fashioned havoc.

"I can read aura much like a Lucario; you were such an eyesore in Aura-vision, like finding the color yellow on a blue screen." The creature retorted.

"Wha? I have a Solidton Radar in this damn CODEC and I STILL get lost." Snake declared. Yes, Snake had a bunch of useful crap in that CODEC, he just always forgets he has it. And the Solidton Radar is like a better version of GPS, if you've played Metal Gear Solid 1, you'd know exactly what it is.

"I do not have time for your trivial Human non-sense." The creature growled.

"Hold up, I need to make a call." Snake blurted out of nowhere.

"This area is protected by magic seals; you cannot get human technology to transmit out of here. Poor Snake, not even Calibra can save you now." The creature explained

"To hell I can't." Snake declared, all Bad-ass and all. He started to get frustrated as he called every single frequency and got no answer.

"Okay, maybe I can't, but you just wait, I'll be the one laughing when I hit those seals with a damn cruise missile." Snake replied to no specific question. The idea of writing Japanese language characters on a strip of white paper and it having some unjustified effect was foreign to Snake, he literally thought that there were seals, you know, the animal, sitting at the border of the clearing, eating his signals. Don't question Snake's logic, you won't win.

"Welcome to a land free from the human menace, you should be honored, not many humans have ever lived to see it, and even fewer have survived to tell their stories." The creature threatened.

"Isn't that the Smash-mansion right over there?" Snake countered, pointing at the oh-so-obvious mansion that was still in plain sight. He finally outwitted someone a few thousand times smarter than himself. You have to give him props for that, which took up ALL of Snake's logic capabilities.

"Silence!" The creature shouted, having pretty much being outwitted by a stupid ape man who couldn't even tie his own shoes.

"Pssh… Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'm just going to sleep in my box." Snake declared, ready to start his usual cycle.

"What box? You clueless human, we have stripped you of all your equipment!" The creature exclaimed. But to the creature's dissatisfaction, Snake had already pulled out a box and was hiding in it.

"Where did he get that box? Okay, who was in charge of taking his boxes?" The creature ordered, as it was looking around at the various Lopunnies who were also baffled. Poor creatures, they actually thought they could strip Snake of his box, only a fool would ever think they could accomplish that.

'_Sweet, it's get-away time.' _Snake thought to himself, he was already running under his box hoping nobody was paying attention to him now.

"Not so fast!" The creature boasted as it rushed up to the run-away cardboard box.

Snake was blockaded by the little creature and several Lopunnies, and the creature went into another generic martial arts stance. Snake was starting to think that people were just handing out free karate classes around here, everyone seemed to know it, except him, he never really paid attention to Master Miller during hand-to-hand combat, he was too busying proving the meaning of life to Liquid.

"I am Corsa, Calibra's younger sister, I may be a Riolu, but I must warn you, although she received all of the aggressive attacks from mother, I am still an excellent fighter, even without my charms. I will not allow you to return." Corsa divulged.

"I can step on you…" Snake clarified as he pretty much destroyed what ever dignity Corsa had left.

"I do not need your tasteless human opinion. Now prepare to be punished" Corsa declared, humiliated in front of all the Lopunnies.

"Oh yeah? You and who's army?" Snake hissed, readying his steel plated boots, pretty much ignorant that he was surrounded by multitudes of Lopunnies.

"Corsa, Step aside, this man is my pray." A voiced lashed from behind Snake. Snake turned around to see a Lopunny similar to the other ones, but this one was the tallest, and it had a mean look on its face. It also had the most vivid color of cream on its ears, and it was well groomed, but this didn't matter to Snake. The Lopunny's sleek and sexy curves were no match for the perfectly straight lines of his box. Curved natural lines always were an eyesore for Snake, but straight lines were… so predictable, so uniform, and so defined. Yes, the Author also likes straight lines, but he prefers it on a nice muscle car such as a 69' Chevrolet Camaro. Oh sorry, he forgot you had a story to read.

"I've been waiting for you Snake." The Lopunny mused.

"Wait, wait, wait, you're in that club too? Why the hell didn't I get an invite to the 'Waiting for Snake' Club? What am I? Not special enough to wait for myself? And how were you waiting for me? I was abducted. And just how the hell does everyone know who I am? I've only been here a few days." Snake demanded, he was starting to get mad, he had enough with these run-ins of these strange creatures whom he didn't want to associate himself with. Now Snake was able to tell why nobody had ever wanted to be Calibra's roommate like Ike had said, it would put them through all of this bull crap.

"We are beyond your basic human reasoning." The Lopunny responded.

"Bull crap, where did you hide the script?" Snake retorted, breaking the fourth wall again.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." The Lopunny responded, confused. This poor creature had no knowledge of the fourth wall, all the magic and Martial Arts in the world couldn't save it.

"Sure, next you'll say that you're Calibra's mother and I have to fight you." Snake interjected, pretty much just guessing some random plot device that the author was intending to use.

"Actually…." The Lopunny reiterated.

"Fine, you know what, let's go through the damn boring formal introduction, at least it'll buy me some time to think of a cheap way I can break the fourth wall to beat you." Snake groaned, he hated intros, because they were never as Bad-ass as his or incorporated explosives.

"I am Calibra's Mother and my name is…" The Lopunny started, until it was cut off rudely by Snake.

"Hold on, let me guess, Astra right?" Snake interrupted.

"Yes, but how did you know." Astra confirmed, but baffled at the same time.

"Because the author is using the line-up of Opel, the car company, for names of OCs in a freaking fan fiction. I mean it's so freaking obvious and unoriginal to use car names from a car company that most people reading this fic wouldn't know. I mean look at this, Calibra, Corsa, Astra, Who's next? Vectra? Seriously, don't believe me? Search those cars on the internet, they are there." Snake testified.

(Author's voice: Hey Snake, shut the hell up, before I make you lose.)

"Who said that?" Snake asked, looking around for the source of the disembodied voice.

"Well anyways let's do this." Snake challenged, as he gave up trying to figure out where the voice came from when the Author agreed to give him 5 dollars to continue the story.

"But I have to explain my past." Astra reminded.

"No, monologues are for after the fight." Snake declared.

"But?" Astra whined, wanting to get her story out so that Snake would be intimidated in the following fight.

"Listen, unless you've met Liquid, you have no idea how bad monologues can be." Snake said, desperate to not listen to another monologue that was probably more boring than painting a fence.

Snake got into his old school 'silly American that has no idea how to fight' stance.

"Bring it on!" Snake yelled at the top of his lungs. He was ready for a fight.

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(A/N: I know Riolus can't use Aura-Vision, but for the sake of the story, go with it.)

Well, I know it sure is fun to interject a Jack-ass such as Snake into a family's struggle.

Okay so I left you guys on a cliffhanger (Don't hit me!) But this one is special. In celebration of Election Day in the United States (Where I happen to live, but I know people from different countries is also reading this and I don't want to seem like a close-minded person) I am doing a poll to give you, the awesome readers of this fic, the choice to decide what YOU want to see.

Here's the poll, you can answer it on my profile or if you're too lazy to go to my profile, just include it in your review.

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Who do YOU want to win the Snake vs. Astra fight?

A. Snake (The Jack-ass)

B. Astra (The Lopunny)

C. Snake making a Sandwich in the middle of a fight.

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I'll tally them up when I go to write the next chapter, don't worry, you'll have enough time to vote. And yes I'm serious about that last one… I'll write about it if you choose.

Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review and vote!


	8. Dark Beauty

(A/N:  _Kept ya waiting, huh?_

_Wow, it's been a while huh? Well, I actually have a legitimate excuse this time._

_As many of you aren't aware of, my computer gave up a few weeks ago; I think the motherboard fried or something to do with the electricity. All I know is that my family and I ran the computer into the ground for 4 years (that's right, it was a 2004 Gateway.) and she served us well. (A moment of silence for Uncle Gunner's Old Computer.) _

Well, I've also got good news too. I managed to get my hands on a backup computer that I don't feel like explaining why I even had a backup computer, it's a long story, trust me. It's a 2006 HP… and I don't know how this is possible, but it's actually a bit slower than my old computer… 2 years newer and it performs worse, don't ask how this is possible.

Well now that you know why I haven't updated for a while, you can stop hating me for while. Thanks to all my awesome reviewers who voted and gave their feedback, the voice of the reviewers can make a story better if the ability is used in just the right place. Well, for those who missed the poll, the winner was

C. Snake Makes A Sandwich.

Now on to the story.

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination**_**.**_

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_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_Dark Beauty__  
Astra (The Lopunny)_

Not much is known about Astra, most people do not live to see her face to face, and even less comeback to tell of their stories. She seems like a normal Lopunny, but then again, things are never as they seem. She seems to be well built, and even down right sexy. All that is known is that she is Calibra's mother, and not much is even known about her love life with Copper, seeing how as Snake has never seen them together yet. It is also unknown how she can communicate, seeing as how normal Lopunnies cannot learn telepathy. She remains a mystery to all but her family. Also said to be very strict in her parenting of Corsa.

"_Darkness is Bliss."_

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"AHHHH!" Snake exclaimed, like a madman who's been beaten mercilessly by a very attractive woman about one half of his size.

"_I have not even thrown a punch yet._" Astra declared, bewildered.

"I'm just displaying my pain ahead of time. Everyone's doing it! I read it in a teen magazine." Snake contended, but of course this was a lie, if you were paying any attention at all a few chapters back, you'd know why. Snake can't read, because he's Bad-ass like that. He just looks at all the pretty pictures.

"_Insolent human_." Astra growled.

"Uh… um... ummm… Blonde! Ha, beat that!" Snake remarked.

"_My fur is cream and light brown._" Astra objected.

"Your opinion is wrong! ™" Snake yelled, randomly. Quote trademarked to the Author's friend (You know who you are.)

"_Enough of this stupidity._" Astra ordered.

"Fine, GAWD, I'll just go make my own stupid chat-room." Snake declared.

"_Not before I punish you for what you have done to my family_." Astra demanded, with an angry fire in her crimson eyes.

"He did it." Snake said, as he pointed to the nearest tree. Good going Snake, fool her with the good ol 'the tree did it' maneuver, everyone falls for that.

Of course Astra had, by this point, had enough "Stupid-Jackass" for one day, and she decided to shut Snake up the old fashioned way, by dashing up to him at lighting speed and swiping her furry foot across his face at the speed of sound. That'll shut anybody up… But not Snake.

"Ow, that really hurt, why did you do that?"

Of course Astra was getting frustrated at this point, so she swiped her foot at his face again, but Snake ducked, and Snake retaliated by doing an attack so SINISTER, so EVIL, so FORBIDDEN…

A basic Punch-Punch-Kick combo that blew her away, Metal Gear Solid 2 style.

"_So you are not a stupid as you seem_." Astra proposed.

Snake stared blankly at her for a few seconds

"Perhaps…" Snake responded, he had heard other 'intellectual' people, like the Mail Man, the Pool Cleaner Guy, and the Broom, say it, so he figured if he said it, he'd sound smart too. Don't even ask how he heard a broom say it; those rations can do some crazy stuff to you.

Astra growled an angry look at him, and then proceeded to attack him one again, but this time, she was not going for a single hit, as she kicked Snake in the abdomen, then used her heel to strike his waste, and then smashed the arch of her foot into Snake's face, sending him to the ground. Then she pressed her soft foot on his chest while he was on the ground, and exerted pressure, and then finished it by slamming her other foot's heel into his face.

"Oh, you're going down for that last one" Snake said, aggravated that the Lopunny had left it's paw mark on his trademark Infinite-Ammo Bandana, and kicked him square in the face, but mostly for the paw print. You could punch, kick, abduct, and insult Snake, but don't dare to touch one of his ten-thousand trademarked items, that may cost you your life.

Snake hustled up to get on his feet, then dashed at her, and as he went to kick, she blocked it, or at least she thought she did, when Snake stopped the leg he was kicking with and planted it on the ground and slammed his other knee square in her abdomen, which knocked the air out of her, and then Snake finished it by clamping his fists together and swinging them overhand to deliver a strong and concentrated blow, sending Astra flying.

"Boo Yah! I kicked a karate chick's ass, without explosives this time!" Snake cheered. Yup, he did it without explosives this time, but I feel bad for the last karate chick he fought WITH explosives, I wonder what happened to her-- oh that's right, that was Calibra and she got demolished by more explosives than her own body weight.

"_It seems I have underestimated you._" Astra indignantly injected.

"I don't know what that word means, but it has way too many syllables to be a good word." Snake theorized.

Then, out of nowhere, there was a very loud growling sound, but it wasn't from Astra or Snake, or any of the other Lopunnies watching the fight and doing absolutely nothing, standing like British guards.

"_Where is that coming from_?" Astra queried.

"Awww man, I haven't eaten since taco bell, and that was like yesterday afternoon." Snake interjected. Yes, now Snake is the only person in the world, who thinks about what his next meal will be while he's fighting a sexy anthromorphic bunny with unnecessarily long ears.

"Man I could go for a pizza, or maybe… a Philly cheese-steak sandwich… awww yeah…. Even a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich will do… wait a minute, I can build one, I have the technology… but I don't want to spend a lot of money." Snake blubbered to himself, completely unaware that Astra existed.

As Astra disregarded Snake's hunger, and she preformed an lighting fast move called the 'jump kick' at Snake , one foot outstretched, ready to strike Snake at full speed, when she watched in horror as time suddenly slowed down. She could see Snake bending back, Matrix style, and a lot thoughts poured through her mind as her foot glided over Snake's chin, whom was now bent back down enough to be a limbo champion,

'_How will he retaliate_?' '_What will I crash into if I missed him_?' '_Why is time still slow?_'

But Snake had some completely different thoughts.

'_Man, slowing time down is awesome_,' and '_I wonder what flavor of jelly I should put on my sandwich_,' and '_if the force of inertia exists in this fan-fic, does that mean if she missed me, will she keep going_?

Sure enough, the crashing questions were answered when Astra slammed straight into a conveniently placed tree. Bad Idea: miss an attack that moves at the speed of a rocket.

"Ha! I totally didn't have that planned out! That's why you couldn't read my mind!" Snake exclaimed, completely unaware that reading his mind was like flipping through pages of an empty book anyways.

"_I can't read minds you imbecile_." Astra scoffed, while struggling to get up after hitting that tree. Yup, Snake COULD make a joke about how Astra was so stupid, she got hit by a parked tree, but he didn't, he didn't get the joke himself, he has a 56k processing power plant in that brain.

"Really? I thought every single Pokemon in existence could read minds, everyone one I've met seems to know how." Snake speculated, but that's the precise reason none of these mind-reading Pokemon could beat Snake in a fight, they were wasting their energy actually trying to READ something.

Snake then proceeded to whip out two slices of bread from his back pocket, in which the bread pieces was completely clean, unmoldy, and in it's proper shape. How was this possible? What ever Snake equips into his pockets will be frozen in time due to some unexplained plot-hole in MGS1.

"Ha! Once I complete my sandwich, I'll have full stamina, enabling me to do things like: walk SLIGHTLY faster, roll SLIGHTLY farther, and punch SLIGHTLY harder." Yes, Snake had only one quarter of his stamina bar down (not the same thing as health), and everyone knows, one quarter of stamina doesn't affect SQUAT in an MGS game. But Snake was still convinced that if he had full stamina, he'd be like ten thousand times stronger or something stupid like that.

"_You can not be serious_." Astra snickered.

"Oh but I am, are you feeling the fear of a full stamina bar? Mwhahahaa!" Snake started laughing manically, that's what he gets for hanging around with his brother Liquid when they were kids. But of course, Liquid was much better at being evil, Snake was just that one guy who takes whole bases down at a time, but that's nowhere along the lines as evil as Liquid, Liquid wears a trench coat, that just defines evil and Bad-ass.

Snake's maniacal laughter was promptly ended by another one of Astra's foot moving at a velocity of Mach 1 at his face. Snake flew back and slammed into a tree that was also conveniently placed. And then, the tree cracked in half and crashed on him. Yup, the environment does not like Snake, so it takes every chance it can to hurt him. Of course, being that this fic isn't realistic at all, Snake's slices of bread landed perfectly clean with out any folds or creases or folds, right into Snake's hands, like magic. If you're wondering, Snake bribed me 5 dollars to put that last line in.

"Ahhh, that took like one-eighth of my life bar! Snake moaned, but this was a major exaggeration, because it actually took 1/32 of his life bar, because anyone who can get stepped on by Metal Gear Rex, which is a few dozen TONS, and keep going has got to have a life bar longer than the freaking screen, but Nintendo NERFED him, therefore he's got a small life bar. Snake managed to roll from under the collapsed tree and struggled to his feet. He heard very rapid ruffling in the grass, and glanced up to see Astra about to swipe her foot at him again. He managed to duck in time, and he reached to his front pocket, while Astra had just realized she missed, and he ejected a freaking jar of Grape jelly, made of, you know, glass, and retaliated by hitting Astra with the top of the jar, therefore shattering it and opening it.

"_Where did that come from_?" Astra objected, while stumbling backwards.

"I don't know, I open random pockets and hope I find the right thing, like the last time I opened my pockets, I found a Honda civic." Snake responded.

"_How is that even possible_?" Astra queried, horrified at the idea that a man who leaves craters in the ground from a short drop could be carrying a late-model Honda around with him.

"Read a few chapters back." Snake retorted, breaking the fourth wall once again.

"_What 'chapters' are you talking about_." Astra cried, utterly confused. Poor creature, she'd never know that this is all some crazy fan-fic in which the laws of Pokemon reality no longer apply.

"Scroll up to the top of the page and select the chapter you want to read, it's that easy, and the author bribed me to tell you to scroll to the bottom and leave a comment too!" Snake reiterated. He's lying about that bribe… seriously… why are you looking at me like that?

"_What in Arceus's name are you talking about_?" Astra interjected, unsatisfied by the reality bending answer Snake provided.

"It's beyond your complicated logic." Snake justified. Sometimes, you just have to take a step back and not think about things too hard. That's wisdom for life.

Snake then proceeded to whip out his Survival knife. Now, anybody with a little logic would think 'Well Snake's a hunter; he has to have a blood stained dirty knife'. On the contrary, as he pulled out the blade from the sheath, it produced a bright shine that actually blinded Astra because it was so bright. That's right, Snake has never used that knife once, he's not a blade guy, so his knife stays put, but he decided for this special occasion, it would do its job just fine. He held it Astra threateningly

"This is the knife that shall lead to you DOOM!" Snake indicated, laughing manically again.

"_So you're such a coward that you have to fight little-oh-me with a knife_?" Astra assumed, disappointed that Snake would resort to pulling a knife in a bare fight.

"Fight? Knife? Who the hell uses a knife in a fight? That's stupid. I'm going to use it to spread the jelly on my bread, which will give me stamina, and in turn, lead to your DOOM!" Snake reasoned, destroying what ever hope Astra had of using Snake's knife as an excuse to change into her final form. But she wasn't sure of his abilities with equipment, and decided to play it safe, good thing too, because when Astra does go into her true form, she still isn't safe from a One-hit-kill worth of a missile from Snake's Stinger. Unbeknownst to Snake, Astra was actually stronger than she was showing on surface, but then again, Snake didn't care, he was making a PB&J sandwich in the middle of a fight with her, lest to say he doesn't take her very seriously at all anyways. So Snake did as promised and spread the jelly on the bread while Astra dashed up to him once again, but this time, Snake was going full Matrix on her now. He dodged every kick Astra had in her combo, and then slid his leg to sweep her off of her feet.

"Mr. Anderson." Snake stated, making a blatant movie reference that any person who is cool has seen. If you don't get this reference, please check out of that rock you're living under because Agent Smith is coming for you.

Snake then unequipped the jar of jelly into his Time-Space Continuum defying pockets. He then equipped another jar, but this time full of a substance that when combined with chocolate, makes something called a Reese's. Yup, Peanut Butter, the most essential piece of a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, it's even more important that the bread or the jelly. He dipped in his knife, all epically and triumpehtly. He started to spread the peanut butter on his sandwich when he noticed Astra was going through a transformation, but for what Snake was concerned, transformation meant she was too occupied gaining strength to attack him. Snake always saw him not being attacked as a fatal flaw in an opponent's technique, even though they were gaining strength.

"Almost done, full stamina bar, here I come." Snake said, closing the top on his peanut butter jar and unequipping it.

"Now you shall she what fear is truly like." Astra commanded, now in an evil, dark voice that probably makes children cry. She had transformed into a purely black Lopunny with only red coming from her eyes, and white fur on her ears, her arms, her legs, and her feet. She had an ominous dark glow around her, with hatred in her eyes. She was floating in the air, only from the mass amounts of dark energy around her

"It's over Astra, as soon as I eat this sandwich, I shall become: 'Snake with a full stamina bar'!" Snake speculated. Yeah, 'Snake with a full Stamina bar' is actually a completely different character from the Normal Snake, as he can walk SLIGHTLY faster, roll SLIGHTLY farther, and punch SLIGHTLY harder.

Snake held his glorious sandwich in the air as Astra seemed to be focusing her energy. Snake closed his eyes because it's cliché when the main character gets an object that will turn the tide of the battle. Snake felt the sandwich glorious powers affecting him, until, he felt the sandwich sliding out of his hand. When Snake suddenly realized this, he frantically turned around to see…

"Yo, Sup Snake!" Ike said, as he took a bite of Snake's sandwich.

"Mmm, this is a good PB&J sandwich." Ike said, amazed, he'd never had a Sony PB&J, only the poisonous stuff Nintendo offer's to its stars.

"Ike, what have you done? You've doomed us all!" Snake indicated, realizing he wasn't getting his precious sandwich back.

"Why?" Ike asked, unaware at just how mad Snake was at him.

"Hey uh… Snake, there's a floating Anthromorphic Bunny with unnecessarily long ears behind you, and it looks mad." Ike said as he pointed out the obvious, but that's his trademark, at least he's consistent.

"I can see the Strings!" Snake said as he turned around to see the spectacle. Yup, Snake was convinced that Astra had strings attached to her so she could float. There was always a scientific explanation for everything. Now the only thing he had to figure out about was the dark energy the convulsed around her body, but if there's unexplained questions, then some complicated science will come to save the day. Unfortunately, there is no science for studying dark energy, so Snake was pretty much screwed.

Before Snake could say another word, Astra formed into a muck of dark energy and swallowed both Snake and Ike without a trace into the ground, until the shadows dispersed and nothing was left on the ground.

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(A/N: Whoa, major cliffhanger!

What will become of our favorite Jackass Snake?

Will I kill off my own main character? (That'd be funny as hell, this story would be main characterless.)

Will Astra spare him? (Probably, or maybe her ability can't kill him anyways, who knows what odd things the Dark can do.)

Did Snake actually swallow her while she was swallowing him? (Well if I'm writing this, that is a very possible outcome.)

Do they cease to exist all together and the story ends here? (Wow, you'd guys would kill me wouldn't you? Well I happen like living.)

All is answered in the next, not particularly logical chapter of Dragon Ball Z!!!-- Err--- Oh, The People You'll Meet.

I bet you all thought that Snake would've won huh? Well I have to make him lose sometimes. Yup, I wanted Astra to win initially, but I didn't know if the audience wanted Snake to win instead. Well, with that final poll choice, I never said anything about Snake winning, so it's a win-win situation, Snake made a sandwich and Astra won, albeit in a weird way.

Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review.)


	9. Dark Beauty Part 2

_(A/N: This is a special Chapter, there is no introduced character this time around, this is a continuation of the last chapter._

_Well, if you've been wondering what's going to happen to Snake, wonder no more, your ponderings have been fulfilled with the highest logic of ANY chapter I've written so far. But Snake is still stupid so don't worry._

_I updated rather quickly! (Don't hit me for usually taking my time.)_

_And yes, the beginning before the actual story is a blatant reference to the Family Guy episode. I had to throw it in, it made things 'Dramatic'.

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination**_**.

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_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_Dark Beauty, Part 2._

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On the last exciting episode of Oh, The People You'll meet.

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Otacon: Snake, He's dead!

Snake: No! Falcooooooooooooooon!

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Snake: Damn it Otacon! If that hydrogen bomb goes off, it'll be the end of Western Civilization as we know it!

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Otacon: Astra Plans to use all of the world's dark energy to stop Liquid and Metal gear Rex before he launches the nuke.

Snake: She plans to take Liquid by force? That's crazy!

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Otacon: Snake! Cut the blue wire!

Snake: They're all Blue wires!

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Big Boss: Snake, I am your father!

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Snake: What has science DONE!

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Now back to your scheduled programming

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"Ughhh." Snake groaned. His vision came in slowly, slower than it normally should have because he plays videogames in the darkness of his box. Now kids, seriously, don't do that, that's bad for you eyes, take it from Uncle Gunner.

"Where the hell am I?" Snake questioned. He looked around to see that he was tied to a chair with completely standardized ropes which could be easily breakable with a little hard work. Hard work usually doesn't hurt anybody, but Snake still wasn't going to risk it. Of course, like all the strange things that have been happening; this chair wasn't one of those cheap folding ones you can steal from the local convenience store. No, instead, it was a lavishly polished chair with suede pads.

"Hey, Snake, you up yet?" Snake heard a familiar voice from behind him. Snake managed to twist his neck to see Ike, tied to a tree, also with completely standardized ropes that were easily breakable with a little hard work. Ike wasn't going to risk it either.

"Yeah, but where are we?" Snake queried. That's always the stupidest question though, seriously, if you were both kidnapped, why do you expect the other guy to know where you are at?

"I don't know; the last thing I remember was me stealing some idiot's PB&J sandwich." Ike replied, indicating that Snake was an idiot without even realizing it.

"Ike… YOU SON OF A…" Snake started until he was interrupted.

"ENOUGH!" another familiar voice demanded. Both Ike and Snake turned their attention forward to see the same Lopunny they had been dealing with, but it was back in its normal light-brown and cream form. Although, it did not look as mad this time, it seemed to be a little happy, if that's what you'd call it.

"How was your little nap, nice and sweet?" Astra teased, pretty much directed at Snake. Poor Ike, he wants main character status too.

"Yeah actually, I didn't have any flashbacks to Shadow Moses like I normally do." Snake said, relieved.

"No wonder 'Dream Eater' hurt." The Lopunny whispered to herself.

"What was that?" Snake asked. (Dream Eater is a Pokemon attack, where you attack the opponent's dreams while they're asleep, and some hit points are restored to the user. But, what happens when you eat a nightmare, like the whole Shadow Moses incident? I suppose it goes the other way.)

"Nothing…" Astra commented.

"Well, I'm sorry for the very coarse introduction we have had, but allow me to introduce myself in a lighter mood." Astra beckoned, in a less hostile voice.

"Sure, go ahead, I don't really have anything better to do, being that I'm tied to this chair with potentially easy-to-break ropes." Snake justified. Yes, chairs with cheap ropes have never been one of Snake's specialties, but as he saw it, as long as he wasn't being tortured by that Russian nut-job Ocelot, and not having to repeatedly hit the X button to keep his life up, he didn't care. Plus, the chair was actually pretty comfortable.

"As you know, I am Astra, and I am Calibra's and Corsa's Mother. You may call me the Princess of Dar---" Astra explained before being cut off.

"Why does Snake get a chair?" Ike whined.

"Because he is special." Astra indicated.

"Damn straight!" Snake agreed.

"Wait, what'd you call me?" Snake asked as he thought about it a bit more.

"Do not dwell upon it. As I was explaining, I am the Princess of Darkness, and what you witnessed earlier was me in my true form. I'm sorry to have resorted to that, but you needed to be subdued before the other Smasher could escape and retrieve help." Astra apologized.

"The name's Ike, and I don't need no damn help, I could've taken you on blind." Ike reiterated.

"Well, I'm not the one currently tied to a tree, am I?" Astra retorted.

"… Damn, well you just wait, once I break these Cheap-o-Depot ropes you stole from Master Hand, I'll give you the good ol' one-two." Ike threatened, like he was a boxer or something from the 50s.

"Well, as I was saying." Astra started until she started walking closer to Snake. She took the audacity to sit on his lap, almost like a child, and let her floppy ears rest on Snake's abdomen.

"This is my normal form, with all of my energy and anger pent up. I become an average Lopunny in this form." Astra explained.

"Why would you even bother having a weaker form?" Snake asked. Sure, Snake was in his weaker form most of the time, because 'Snake with a full Stamina Bar' only happens for a few minutes before the damn stamina bar starts dropping again. Stupid Extreme mode in MGS3, made the Author burn through rations faster than he could get them.

"Simple, As the Princess of Darkness, I have a bounty on my head, and I must keep a low profile. If the Lake trio discovers my location, they'll surely relay it to every other legendary." Astra informed.

"Why don't you just buy a giant robot and show them whose boss, like my bro, Liquid did?" Snake commented.

"Chicks Dig Giant Robots." Ike added, referencing the late-and-great Megas XLR. Seriously, watch that show if you ever get the chance.

"It is not as simple as a simple show of brute force." Astra reiterated.

"What world are you from? Last time I checked, what the man in the giant robot says, goes." Snake injected. Yes, that's the truth, the Guy in Giant Robot is ALWAYS right.

"This is much bigger than just world domination; this is the battle of Light versus Dark." Astra responded.

"Yeah, in Nintendo. But at least in my world, it's 'kinda-confused and kidnapped' good guy versus super secret organization where the confused good guy actually turns out to be a bad guy, but in the ends, saves the day." Snake related.

"Is that what happened to you Snake?" Ike asked.

"Yup." Snake confirmed.

"No wonder you weren't very hesitant to come here then." Ike sympathized.

"I'm just in it for the boxes. Hey yeah, I remember now, where are those damn boxes I was promised?" Snake said, referencing something from the 1st chapter of this fic that everyone has probably forgotten by now. That's right, Snake joined Nintendo for Boxes but he only got one.

"Getting back on subject. When I first saw you Snake, I thought you were just a stupid archaic being with no goal in life but to explode other things." Astra recounted.

"Yeah, that pretty much accurately describes me, but you forgot to mention Boxes." Snake justified.

"Snake, I know your potential, you can do things other creatures can only dream of!" Astra implied.

"I can chain smoke!" Snake justified. Yeah, the world fears the day this Jack-ass starts chain smoking, he might get one kill with second hand smoke, but it'll probably be Otacon anyways. Seriously kids, don't smoke, I know I'm writing this really fancy story with seemingly no plot just to hide the fact that Uncle Gunner is just trying to teach you life lessons.

"Well, that too, but Snake, I have a proposition for you." Astra started to propose.

"No, I'm not selling Girl Scout cookies to help your stupid club." Snake hissed. Yeah, Snake hates selling stuff, because he's not really good at it. As far as he's concerned, threatening potential customers with a rocket launcher to their face is the ideal way to 'bargain'.

"No, Snake, I wish for you, to join me, on the dark side, and have the rightful power you deserve."

"What's in it for me?" Snake asked as he had no idea what 'power' she could be talking about. Hell, Snake already managed to scrape up enough money to pay the electricity bill every month, why would he need MORE power? That means his rates will go up too. Snake doesn't like high rates, which means he gets less stupid un-nutritional snack-food. Snake needs his stupid un-nutritional snack-food to survive.

"All the power you could ever want!" Astra tried to reiterate. She has no idea that Snake has no plans what-so-ever to rule the world; he doesn't care, ruling the world takes too much work, and he just wants to watch TV and buy new boxes. Isn't that every man's dream in life?

"By power, you mean Boxes, High-definition cable TV, and a PlayStation 3 right?" Snake questioned. Snake's idea of power now was the amount of sound his stereo system produced and how good the picture and graphics on his TV was. Ruling the world is for suckers, when you could be seeing other stupid people rule it in HIGH-DEFINITION.

"You'll have the world at your finger tips." Astra's final attempt to relate to Snake's evil side.

"It's a yes or no question." Snake demanded; having all of Astra's attempts fail.

"Well then, yes." Astra finally gave up and said yes to appease him. Of course, she has no idea what a 'High Definition TV' or a 'PS3' is, she's from Nintendo after all.

"I'm in!" Snake cheered.

"Hey what about me?" Ike interrupted, he doesn't like being forgotten about.

"Well, do you wish for me to make this man 'Disappear'?" Astra remarked with an evil grin. The author has no idea what she had in store for Ike, but luckily, Good ol' Snake is there to back up his friends.

"Hell no, that's Ike, he and Captain Falcon are the best damn teammates you can get." Snake confirmed.

"Do you think he can be trusted to join us?" Astra contended.

"Hell yeah, I'm just going to strangle him after we're done with this because he took my sandwich." Snake assured. He backs his friends up, only to strangle them for doing something stupider than what he would have done. Great teamwork.

"Hey! I happen to like living." Ike indicated.

"Yeah? Well I happen to like my sandwiches too" Snake retorted.

"Are we done?" Astra asked, the same way your mother used to talk when you were fighting with a sibling over who gets to sit on the right side of the couch. The right side is always the warmest isn't it? The Author and his bro always argued about stupid stuff like that. Good times.

"Yeah I guess." Snake reported, shrugging his shoulders.

"Now, for the first thing I need you to do, is to-" Astra started until being cut off by Snake.

"Be like Dr. Evil and do stupid stuff that includes a midget named Mini-me to take out the good guys?" Snake finished. He watched Austin Powers too many times.

"No, something a little bit more subtle, for now, I want you to nurture Corsa." Astra answered.

"Uh… refresh my memory, wasn't that the guy from That 70's Show?" Snake replied.

"That's my daughter, the little looking version of Calibra that initially spoke to you." Astra declared.

"You mean the one I could step on?" Snake recalled.

"That's not a nice way to put it, but yes." Astra reluctantly confirmed.

"When you say nurture, you mean like, teach her the glory of boxes and why breaking the fourth wall is the solution to all of life's problems?" Snake encouraged.

"Umm…" Astra replied with a confused look on her face. The Princess of Darkness still has no idea that Snake has access to the cheapest ability ever known; he could break the fourth-wall.

"Of course you do, but there's one problem, I'm not good with kids." Snake informed. You don't even want a flash back of this one, because it involves several tons of explosives and a children's hospital. Definitely not going into that one.

"Don't think of her as a child, think of her as a 'Puppy'." Astra encouraged.

"Oh, I love Puppies!" Snake cheered. It was in no way, un-manly to say you love puppies, I mean who doesn't love puppies? The Author loves puppies and still maintains his masculinity. Puppies are just cool like that.

"She is unsatisfied living with me, and she'll never be able to evolve if she isn't happy. I want you to make her happy during the day and help her evolve into a Lucario." Astra requested.

"Happy? Evolve? Run that by me again. It sounded pretty fruity." Snake specified.

"Riolus evolve into Lucarios when they have reached a certain amount of happiness during daylight." Astra explained.

"Ever just try giving her a cookie at noon?" Snake over-simplified.

"No, but you may." Astra assured.

"And here, take this book, it shall tell you what is required to sustain a Riolu." Astra ordered as she handed Snake a book.

"Taking Care of Riolus and the many steps to forming a successful relationship with one as an ideal friend, for dummies! Written by Shadow Rukario." Snake said as he cheated by entering a cheat code while nobody was looking that made him temporally literate.

"Who the hell is 'Shadow Rukario'? Who ever it is, I'm writing that name down in case this book somehow gets me in trouble and I need to SPIKE someone." Snake said to himself, using 'Spike' in its Super Smash Bros. Brawl context.

"So, what now?" Snake wondered.

"I'll call Corsa over here." Astra said as she suddenly melted into the floor like Muck again, and moved off in one direction.

"So Snake, what are we going to do?" Ike huffed. He seemed a bit disappointed.

"What do you mean?" Snake wondered, without giving it any thought.

"We just entered the Dark side; don't they lose, in like, every Pokemon movie or something?" Ike implied.

"That doesn't apply to us Ike, we're not from Pokemon, and I mean like the good guys rarely win in my series, that's why I figure if I join the dark side, I can finally know what it's like to not be on the loser team." Snake justified. It really sucks where in the whole game, you ARE the entire good guy side, as in the case of Snake, he didn't have anyone there backing his ass up in combat unless you count Meryl, who just got him shot anyways. Otacon was just hacking really, not providing combat support.

"Good point, but wouldn't a world purged into darkness be an undesirable place to live?" Ike worried; he might get a more expensive insurance quote on his car insurance if he lives in a world full of darkness and evil, it's hard to drive in the dark. Of course, these guys are offered a chance to enslave the world and they're worried about their car insurance.

"Well that depends, what type of ruler do you think Astra would be?" Snake wondered.

"I don't know, but if she's like the cliché bad guy, she wants the world to look like World War III happened." Ike reinforced.

"She doesn't seem cliché, like how she doesn't say 'fools' or have her own evil laugh, and I don't think she has her own theme song, so she can't be that cliché.' Snake justified. He was about to say something when he saw a shadow rapidly approaching his position. Astra sprang out from the shadow and landed right in front of him, but she didn't leave a crater. She's not Bad-ass enough to do that like Snake and Ike are.

"I'm back, and here is Corsa." Astra indicated, pointing to the small, pink version of a Riolu with magenta eyes. This time, Corsa looked a bit different, outfitted with a giant red bow-tie on her back similar to Jigglypuff's red costume, but she also had a monk's staff made out of gold and had many markings and details on the top of it, that looked like it served the purpose of casting spells. A good idea, don't leave that staff un-attended around any one in smash mansion. Snake would melt it down into a silencer for his SOCOM. Ike would melt it down into a new plate to put on his metal boots. And Captain Falcon would melt it down into a new Brake rotor for his car.

"Don't worry Corsa; I'm sure you'll be happier with Snake than you are with me." Astra encouraged as she pushed Corsa in Snake's direction.

"Yeah kid, when I'm done with you, you'll be able to find Waldo in a room with three people, that's how good you'll be." Snake assured, with a crappy example of greatness, but we all have our different ideas of great don't we? Corsa reluctantly walked over to Snake and stood next to him, but didn't say a word. This made Snake uneasy, how are you supposed to nurture something that doesn't even talk to you?

"Hey Astra, I have one last question before we leave." Snake commented.

"Yes?" Astra went on.

"What the hell happened between you and Copper? Some of the reviewers would like to know." Snake asked as he broke the Fourth-wall after I gave him after a single dollar while no one was looking.

"Reviewers?" Astra asked, bewildered.

"Never mind I said that." Snake assured and played it off as a figment of Astra's imagination. Reviewers? Nah, she's crazy to think Snake said that.

"Well, he was my first friend when I was a Buneary. He was a young, unique Riolu and we were so close. We were both outcasts, it was only natural that he was my first love." Astra reminisced.

"But isn't he kind of weak to be with the 'Princess of Darkness'? I mean he's a nice guy and all, but if you're setting out for world domination, shouldn't you be with an even more powerful being than you?" Snake challenged.

"I was with him because I loved him. At the time, I had no wish to rule this world, we were just both young and happy, and I would still be with him today had the legendaries not figured out my shadow abilities. It was because of the Light side, that I was separated from my love, and I intend to make them pay for it." Astra explained as she started to burn with an unfulfilled anger.

"Why couldn't he just live here with you?" Snake over simplified again. He's still not a critical thinker, but that's why we love him right?

"The other Lucario on the Light side can identify his aura miles away, and if I have a trace of that on me, then the legendaries will discover my location easily." Astra logically explained. Glad to see someone in this fic has some logic beyond making PB&J sandwiches in the middle of a fight.

"Oh, well, I guess that makes a lot of logical sense, but I still think that maybe if you get that giant robot, this could be ended simply…." Snake objected.

"Snake, please don't disappoint me." Astra begged, she had too many problems as it was, she needed Corsa to be nurtured somewhere where she was free from attack by the legendary Pokemon for simply being related to Astra. The Dark in her blood is a curse, but she must learn to fight the Light, it was what was prophesied. Of course, Snake wasn't mentioned in this prophecy because he's from Sony and all of that and the guy who wrote the prophecy didn't predict that a Chain-Smoking, Box Loving, Explosive Maniac worth of a Jackass would come and destroy what ever traces of logic were left in this story. So basically what the prophecy said about the Dark losing to the Light is now out the door because Snake has already been making some serious changes to what the prophecy predicted. Plus, Snake hates prophecies; they never take cloning into account. That's a mild form of prejudice; clones are people with fates too, I think.

"I really hope you don't have high expectations." Snake replied, but at least he wasn't being cocky. He was pretty straight forward: If I mess this up, don't say I didn't tell you so.

"Well how do we get to the mansion?" Snake blubbered.

"That's it over there." Astra specified as she pointed it out.

"So you mean we have to walk?" Snake asked, hoping he would get no for an answer.

"Yes." Astra replied.

"Why couldn't you do that crazy Shadow Muck thing and move us there?" Snake asked. Now, if you can recall, in the beginning of this fic, Snake had the ability to run from one hemisphere to the next in under one second when free boxes are offered. Now Astra's Shadow muck doesn't move anywhere 1/1000th of that speed, but as far as Snake is concerned, as long as it's used for him, not against him, it's cool. Long story short, he'd rather be dropped into a weird shadow and transported rather than moving at a speed that would make the speed of light jealous. Don't question Snake's logic, I told you that you wouldn't win.

"Because that may get me exposed, and I can't take that risk." Astra divulged.

"But I hate walking, it's not like you walk with over 200 pounds of equipment." Snake understated. Snake was carrying a Honda Civic around, which he completely forgot about, along with several heavier objects with him daily. 200 pounds was the weight of a feather to him.

"What makes you think I enjoy carrying that? Even in shadow transportation, it fatigues me greatly. There is no way that was simply 200 pounds, I've absorbed whole villages of Pokemon and even they were not that hard to transport." Astra challenged. She doesn't realize about Snake's time-continuum defying pockets.

"Fine, come on Ike, we have to call Falcon, because I don't feel like walking." Snake instructed.

So Snake broke the ropes tying him to his chair with little effort at all, and Ike didn't rip his ropes, but he did de-root a very large tree and just started walking with it, tied on to his back. Yup, Ike was simply 'borrowing' Astra's tree.

"Just for the record, I could have done that at any time. Now come on Ike, we gotta blow this joint." Snake confirmed. Yup, he basically could have broken the ropes and attacked Astra if he wanted to, but that requires energy and Snake is trying to conserve on that, because Snake read in an "Alternative Fuel" Pamphlet that the world was wasting its precious energy sources. Snake figured that if he wasted less energy doing unnecessary stuff like 'Moving' and 'Thinking', then he'd be saving gasoline.

"Hey, why isn't my CODEC working?" Snake blurted out after trying to call Otacon 12 times on his Codec.

"Those seals I had placed earlier are still in effect." Corsa stated in a hushed, lonely voice.

"Really? Give me my Grenade Launcher, its time to go 'Extreme' seal hunting!" Snake cheered. Snake and Ike High-Fived, Grenade Launchers were cool. As a matter of fact, after the chase scene on the golf cart, Ike bought his own Grenade Launcher. He and Snake were planning to start a Grenade Launcher Club at the mansion for everyone with their own Grenade Launcher to talk and rejoice about the glory of Grenade Launchers. Yeah, the Author put in 'Grenade Launcher' 6 times in that short paragraph.

"What are you talking about?" Corsa asked, in a cold manner.

"Those seals keep eating my signals; I have to get rid of them." Snake declared, as he and Ike High-Fived again, High-Fiving was cool.

"Seals are spells that are written on small leafs of white paper and paced on an object." Corsa explained. The idea of writing spells on a piece of paper was stupid to Snake, the only written message Snake wanted to see on a small leaf of paper would have "One Dollar" on it.

"You mean there are no seals that I can go 'Extreme' Seal hunting on?" Snake said, disappointed, he wouldn't get to use his Grenade Launcher. Maybe next time Snake, maybe next time.

"No, now wait while I disable them." Corsa commanded as she lifted her staff and started chanting. Of course, by this time, Snake's attention span maxed out and moved on to the next topic, which was playing with his ring-tones in his CODEC. After Snake successfully listened to the Metal Gear Solid Game Over theme about three times, he noticed Corsa had finished chanting. But before he did anything, he had to hear that Game Over theme on more time…

"Snake, please cut it out and continue on." Corsa groaned. It was obvious why she was depressed, she was placed with the life form with the lowest intelligence on this planet. She was pretty confident that even making up with Calibra was not as cruel of a punishment as this. Why she had been punished, she did not know. All she knew was that she must stay with this man until she found the meaning of happiness. She was pretty sure this human would die of old age before that happened.

"You don't know how freaking awesome this small theme is!" Snake commented. Corsa gave him a cold look and Snake got the hint to not speak to her. Wow, and Snake thought Psycho-Mantis was anti-social, look at her. He dialed Otacon on his Codec and got a response.

"Hey Otacon, I need Falcon's CODEC frequency." Snake reported.

"I don't think he has one." Otacon replied.

"Well then give me his damn phone number and I'll use the cell phone app on my CODEC." Snake remarked.

"When did I give you a cell phone app on the CODEC?" Otacon contended.

"Right before the beginning of this fic." Snake confirmed.

"Wait; in the beginning of this fic, you were in Alaska, why would you need that app?" Otacon recalled.

"Because, maybe I like to call my Dad every now and then to see how he's doing." Snake responded.

"Didn't you kill Big Boss in Zanzibar Land?" Otacon retorted.

"I can still pretend I'm talking to him, I miss him." Snake mumbled.

"Uh Snake, didn't you hate him?" Otacon remarked.

"Not really hate, we was just too Bad-ass." Snake indicated.

"Wait, what were we originally talking about?" Otacon wondered.

"I have no idea." Snake stated.

"What in the hell were we talking about? No, seriously, this happens every time we talk." Otacon stated.

"Look, anyways I need a ride; can you give me his number?" Snake interjected. This bastard probably read back in the script to see what he originally called Otacon for.

"Yeah sure, it's (Censored for Captain Falcon's safety from Rabid fan-girls.)." Otacon informed as he was censored.

"Okay cool, thanks." Snake concluded. He exited the conversation with Otacon and typed in the number he had received from Otacon and waited for an answer.

"Supz, this is Captain." a voice answered.

"Hey Captain, Ike and I need a ride" Snake indicated, straight to the point.

"Sure, where are you guys at?" Captain Falcon asked.

"In a grassy field next to Smash Mansion." Snake answered.

"I'll be there by the time you hang up." Captain Falcon assured as he hung up.

"What?" Snake said, confused. Snake closed the codec to see Captain Falcon was already there with the car-door already open.

"How the hell did you get here so fast?" Snake accused, bewildered.

"I'm Captain Falcon, do I need an explanation?" Captain Flacon explained.

"Nope. The name 'Captain' says it all already." Ike interjected.

"Okay then, let's roll." Snake suggested.

* * *

(A/N: It's not really a Cliff-hanger, nobody dies, nothing important happens, and I probably just got lazy.

I haven't seen a Lopunny in a Smash Bros Fic yet, and I'd though it'd be a cool idea to play with. You can thank her for what ever logic there was in this chapter, and probably all of the logic in the rest of the chapters. That's right, she's not going away; she's like your shadow. But then again, I can PWN my shadow by holding a light up to it.

Don't worry; the next chapter will include the ride back where we'll explore Corsa's 'fun' personality. Don't worry extremist Riolu fans (I know you're out there, Metal Gear Solid Fans know as much as the government… are you scared yet?); she won't stay cold and mean for long.

Well, I'm pretty much sure NOBODY saw that coming. Me making Snake join the Dark side? I'm tired of the "good" always defeating "evil" in about every single Pokemon movie, or any Nintendo thing for that matter. How about "Good" and "Evil" BOTH lose to a Jack-ass like Snake, awesome Swordsman-turned-Grenade Launcher-Fanatic like Ike, and Nintendo's most Bad-ass Driver, Falcon. Yeah, these three are a trio already.

I can't believe I'm giving this story a plot…

WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?

And I wrote this chapter in Record time for me, one week, that's good considering I usually do it every two or three weeks. But some people wanted an update, and I gave them that update, but since this chapter has no real cliffhanger, I'm sure you guys won't be losing sleep because you don't know what happens to your favorite Jack-ass. Another cool note is that this is the 2nd longest chapter at about 5000 words, behind Chapter 4's 6000. Damn, that's a lot of words for a comedy.

Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review. I'll reply to all of your reviews, unless you don't sign it.)


	10. Freedom

_(A/N: _I'M NOT DEAD! :D

Well, sorry for the unbelievably long delay, but my teachers were piling on projects due the very last day we went to break, so I'm sorry for the major delays.

Consider this as your Holidays gift from Uncle Gunner, but I've decided not to make it Holiday themed because the Holidays have a lot to do with religion, and I do not crack jokes about religion. In addition, saying Christmas is far too inclusive, I do not forget that people of all denominations are reading this.

Thanks to all the awesome reviewers who support me in my quest to make Snake look like the biggest Jackass since Beavis and Butthead.

This chapter also holds no introduced characters, so there is no character introduction here.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination**_**.

* * *

  
**_

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_Freedom

* * *

  
_

Somewhere dark and unknown, the silhouettes of strange creatures are present, and all gathered around a round table. They motion to begin, what looks like, a council.

"We have an urgent and eminent threat." An unidentified creature spoke.

"Astra has gained a new ally, an ally that was never mentioned in the prophecy." Another, smaller creature interjected. It seemed to be floating around.

"We have reason to believe that he is even more dangerous than Astra herself." The original voice explained.

"Who could be more dangerous than Astra?" Another creature spoke; however, this creature was actually identifiable. It was red and white, and shaped like a Jet and a dragon morphed together, with two little stubby arms sticking out. Next to it was a very similar creature, except it was blue and white. Yes, you've probably figured out who it is by now, but since the Author must be very vague in this part, he cannot give it away. It's someone whose has already been introduced into the fic, which should give you an easy hint.

"This man is capable of taking down even the greatest beings, and often monsters several times larger than himself." the original voice answered.

"Especially when it comes to human technology, the humans have not yet invented a weapon that can stop him." The floating creature added.

"We must eliminate him before he eliminates us." The original voice bellowed.

"He is now this world's 1 priority threat." The floating voice interjected.

"His name is 'Solid Snake'" The original voice declared.

* * *

So after Ike said a tearful goodbye to the very large tree he had tied to the back and he had become so close to, our set of villains- err, uh… heroes, entered Captain Falcon's Toyota Sprinter Trueno AE86. Ike got to sit shotgun because Snake had to sit in the back with Corsa, and Corsa tried as hard as she could to gain the most possible space from Snake. She also had no idea what they were riding in, '_a beast that has opening doors_, _Comfortable seats that fit the shape of a human, and this beast actually listens to the human's every demand_?' She had hoped she would never be treated this way if any trainer tried to catch her. The only thing she couldn't understand is Falcon wasn't carrying any Pokeballs to put this beast in. '_Does he let it live outside_?'

"Window goes up! Window goes down!" Snake said with the enthusiasm of a 3rd grader, as he started fiddling with the power windows.

"Snake, that's not exactly easy to fix." Falcon informed.

"Why? It's pretty easy to break." Snake concluded. Yeah, why is it that the hardest things to fix are the easiest things to break, and the hardest thing to break is unbelievably easy to fix?

"Window goes up! Window goes down!" Snake continued, as Falcon was starting to get aggravated.

"Snake, stop it before I hit the ejection button on that seat." Falcon threatened, before realizing that Snake would think that was cool.

"You have ejector seats?" Snake queried.

"Yes." Falcon reluctantly responded.

"COOL! Let me see!" Snake exclaimed as he tried to find the magic red button that would eject him out of the car, Secret Agent style.

"No, now stop trying to eject yourself from the car, I haven't installed the opening roof for it yet and I don't want a face dent on the top of my car." Falcon justified.

"Hey, face dents are the latest thing; I have one next to my bed that I received in the 3rd chapter." Snake replied, referencing his epic fight versus THE BED.

"So, what tunes are we listening to?" Ike asked, gesturing at the Old Skool (this is the proper spelling for 'Old Skool", if you spell school normally, Snake will find you, bust into your room, temporarily install a PS3 and school you in Metal Gear Online) Radio.

All of them, minus Corsa, looked at the Old Skool radio. The tension was slowly rising until…

"GAHHH!!!!" all of them snapped as they went to turn on the radio. Falcon slugged Ike, Ike elbowed Falcon, and Snake just randomly stabbed himself.

"Oh GAWD, I just stabbed myself!" Snake screamed, but Falcon and Ike ignored him and kept fighting over the radio.

"…Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around, and dessert you." The radio spewed, before Falcon changed it abruptly, still fighting with Ike.

"Schooooooooool's…. out…. for… summer! Schooooooooooool's… out… forever! Schooooooooool's been blown to pieces!" The radio spewed as Ike bashed Falcon on his helmet and changed it.

"…Video Killed the Radio Star! Video Killed the Radio Star! (Pictures came and broke your heart.)" The radio sung, and then Falcon Ultimate Knee Attacked Ike, while driving nonetheless.

"I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy." Falcon smiled to some old school music, before Ike smashed him over the head with a baseball bat.

"Can't touch Dis, (Insert catchy rap beat here) Can't touch Dis, STOP! Hammer Time!" the radio cried as Ike changed the station.

"PEANT BUTTER JELLY TIME! Where'ya at! Where'ya at! Peanut Butter Jelly, Peanut Butter Jelly, Peanut Butter Jelly, Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat!" The radio exclaimed after Snake shifted radio station, after finally dislodging the knife from himself.

"Okay, next person to touch the radio gets a FREE Falcon Punch into the nearest star, which is the sun." Falcon threatened, and everyone slowly backed away from the radio.

"So, who's the pink puppy with the monk's staff and the bow?" Falcon asked, wondering what the heck an unexplained Riolu was doing with Ike and Snake, he doubted that they could actually catch a Riolu.

"I don't know." Snake explained as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Snake, you just agreed to baby-sit her LAST chapter…" Ike reminded.

"I don't remember things on a chapter to chapter basis." Snake reiterated.

"How do you remember me and Falcon then?" Ike queried.

"Good character development." Snake replied.

"True. But her name is Corsa." Ike informed.

"Corsa? Hey, isn't that a name from the car company called Ope-." Snake started until being interrupted by another disembodied voice.

(Author: Snake finish that sentence and you'll get a nice air strike on your position.)

"Who said that?" Snake demanded, looking around for the source of the voice.

"So Corsa, tell us about yourself and why you think Snake's perpetual Dumb-ass." Falcon continued.

"Hey! I'm not "Perpetual", what ever that means." Snake declared.

"Well, honestly, I do not wish to be here." Corsa moaned.

"Why not?" Falcon asked.

"Him." Corsa bellowed as she pointed at Snake, who was currently trying to bite his own ear at the moment… uhh… yeah… go for it Snake.

"Ahh, you just gotta get used to Snake, he's a nice guy that means no harm." Falcon assured.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'd slap a stick of C4 on everybody I meet if there weren't any laws prohibiting it." Snake contested.

"He just says that because he's related to Big Boss, and if he acts soft, every MGS fan in the world will disown him, and make Otacon the main character." Falcon speculated. It's true, if Snake ever went soft, the Author would have to 'Old Yeller' Snake and replace him with Otacon, the awkward anime geek soon-to-be-badass.

"NOOO!!!!" Snake over-dramatized.

"Shut up Snake." Falcon said before the Author could. Bastard, he stole my line.

"Make me!" Snake replied.

"Do you really want to remember that time I smashed your head into the seat?" Falcon responded.

"Wait, when? I don't recall--" Snake started until he was interrupted by Falcon slamming on racing car performance quality brakes and having Snake slam his head into the back of Ike's seat. This great scene was brought to you by INERTIA, the property of mass that keeps on giving.

"Okay, I guess I walked right into that one." Snake groaned. He shut up after that.

"Say, Corsa, You wanna see something cool?" Falcon asked while glaring at a conveniently placed ramp coming up ahead.

"Not really." Corsa replied.

"Too Bad!" Falcon declared. Silly Corsa, when Falcon offers to do something cool, just say yes, because it's going to happen anyways. So the Author is sure everyone knows about the 'Do a Barrel Joke' right? Well, it takes no skills to do a barrel roll in an Arwing. However, it takes 'Captain Falcon' driving SKITTELZ (cooler word for skills) to do a barrel roll… in a crappy, possibly stolen, 4-Cylinder car. That's exactly what he did as he guided the right wheel on the ramp as he left the left side of the car off the ramp, effectively sending the car into a counter clockwise barrel roll.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" a voice exclaimed.

When the car effectively landed a double barrel roll, Falcon looked back to see Snake shaking and grasping on to Corsa for dear life.

"You grab a child to save your petty life?" Corsa testified as she tried to peel the mad-man off of her.

"We happen to like living." Ike blurted into the mix.

"Yeah!" Snake agreed, while trying to push it off that grabbing on to a puppy for dear life is what every other manly-man in the world would've done.

"Damn it Falcon, don't do that crap again, save that for the chase scene that may be included a few chapters later." Snake demanded while breaking the fourth wall all over again.

"How do you know about what will happen later?" Falcon queried.

"Otacon broke the forth wall and gave me the script, so I read ahead." Snake explained. Now the Author is frantically looking around his room for the script. So… he can't find it, meaning he's going to have to bust somebody's head. Good thing it's Otacon, he can't defend himself.

"But wait, you can't read?" Falcon interjected.

"Shut up, your opinion is wrong™." Snake declared. Royalties already paid to Pokefreak59. If you have any concerns Pokefreak59, I'll Falcon Punch you at school and then talk about cars for the whole lunch period, just to piss you off.

"That's a fact." Falcon corrected.

"Facts and opinions are the same thing." Snake justified.

"Forget it; talking to you is like asking directions from a brick wall." Falcon surmised.

"Hey I did that before! But I should've taken a left Albuquerque." Ike interjected.

"Well, we're almost there." Falcon stated.

Falcon looked over to the garage entrance to see it was full of traffic, and Falcon doesn't have the patience to wait in traffic, after all, he does drink a Pepsi every morning he wakes up. So instead of waiting for his turn, he drove that AE86 through the front door of the mansion, up the large main staircase, and took a left on the second floor and continued going full acceleration until he busted off of one side of the mansion and landed in the 2nd floor of the parking garage, where he effectively slid into his parking spot. Seriously kids, Uncle Gunner really recommends you DO NOT try this at home, ramming your front door down with a stolen car is a federal offense, I think.

"Well we're here!" Falcon declared.

"LAND!" Corsa gasped as she was so happy to leave the beast and feel solid ground under her paws. She'd never take solid ground for granted again.

"Hey yo, what do we do now?" Snake asked, realizing he already reached the height of his day.

"We could meet the other Smashers." Ike suggested.

"There's more?" Snake asked.

"Why do you think we have a mansion?" Falcon commented.

"Because I need a lot of space to store my explosives." Snake contended.

"… I'm not getting near your room." Falcon said.

"Hey, it's not my fault that that damn Cali- uh… what was her name again? Attacked me yesterday. She was asking for that very large chain of explosives." Snake defended.

"My sister attacked you?" Corsa interrupted, a bit intrigued.

"Yeah, and I finished her off with mind-numbingly dumb questions, thanks to Ike for writing those." Snake stated as he high-fived Ike. High-Fiving was cool er…. If I continue this explanation, we're going to end up at the Grenade Launcher Club explanation again.

"Lower-case x Upper-case D." Ike verbalized. Thought you wouldn't see that again, huh? Well you were wrong.

"I thought you and Calibra were friends" Corsa recounted.

"Who's Calibra?" Snake asked. He's having a 'Snake' moment, it's normal for him to forget who he's talking about DURING the actual conversation.

'_Maybe I've misjudged him; he harbors no friendship towards her. Maybe, I can turn him hostile to her if I can instigate another fight between them."' _Corsa thought to herself.

"Hey Falcon, I have to go and get a 'special weapon' from my room, I'll meet you downstairs." Snake informed.

"You aren't gonna get stuck in the elevator again are you?" Falcon speculated.

"I'll find B2 on that pad… someday." Snake babbled.

"You're taking Corsa right?" Falcon suggested.

"Who's Corsa?" Snake asked. Falcon smacked Snake of course. That's the only way he'll learn names, hitting him.

"Ok, ok, damn man, why are you so violent?" Snake groaned.

"You're the pyro-maniac." Falcon challenged.

"Hey, I'm not a pyro-maniac, I could care less about fire, it's the explosives that I'm worried about." Snake justified.

"Just go and try not to destroy something on the way there." Falcon demanded.

"I won't make any promises." Snake assured as he walked off, and Corsa followed.

* * *

"So, uh… how about them bears?" Snake awkwardly asked while he and Corsa were walking down the corridor to Snake's room.

"What?" Corsa replied, confused.

"Just trying to start a conversation." Snake babbled while shrugging his shoulders.

"Then answer me this, do you and Calibra get along?" Corsa said as she took the initiative to start a meaningful conversation.

"Is she that jackal that touched my box?" Snake asked.

"Yes." Corsa confirmed.

"She must DIE." Snake declared.

"So you and her are not friends?" Corsa mused.

"Who?" Snake asked. Give up all hope, if this guy was ever in charge of saving the world, we'd all be screwed.

'_Maybe Astra was right; he has not been here long enough to forge alliances that could possibly work against us.' _Corsa thought to herself once more.

"Snake, how did you escape her attraction attack? No man, especially not a weak willed human, has ever resisted her in that form." Corsa asked, surprised that Snake wasn't enchanted about Calibra, drooling over the very thought of her like all of the other men who fell victim to Calibra's attraction spell.

"Probably has something to do with Attention Deficit Disorder." Snake informed. Yup, A.D.D. Attraction, that's the basic mathematical formula. Study it, YOU WILL BE QUIZZED ON IT. :D

"I see… So your strategy is that if you do not look at her, her attraction spell will not affect you." Corsa concluded, as she tried to overly think a very simple concept.

"Strategy? I just never notice her. She's not a main character, therefore she gets 10 percent of my attention span, but that's on a good day." Snake informed.

"Uh… okay, I'll just assume that was 'yes' in 'crazy' talk." Corsa remarked. She still has no idea that there's a fourth wall, she's limited to that crappy third wall.

"Well this is it!" Snake announced.

"Snake, this is a restroom." Corsa contended.

"Oh, no wonder, I don't remember my room having so much space NOT devoted to an extensive collection of boxes." Snake speculated.

"Okay here it is!" Snake announced as he read the 140.85 number on the door. He has no idea, but he feels like he knows that number from somewhere. So… Snake slapped a stick of C4 on the door, then he Snake-rolled out of the way as the door was engulfed in an explosion. Snake's a jackass, the poor janitor, Opel Gunther (introduced in the second chapter), now has to fix that too. Snake and Corsa filed into the room, but Snake had to be first, He'd never lose to a pink puppy at anything.

"What is it that you wish for me to do first?" Corsa asked as she bowed respectfully.

"What do you mean?" Snake asked as he picked up his 'special weapon'. It was a Stinger Rocket Launcher, the ultimate can't-miss one-hit-kill weapon. Snake had the feeling he would need it sometime soon. No secret bad-ass agent is complete without some cheap ass rocket launcher that locks on and scores a one hit K.O.

"You do not have any chores around this area that you are going to make me perform?" Corsa objected, confused.

"Chores? What the hell is that?" Snake wondered out-loud.

"Cleaning, scrubbing, and repairing" Corsa informed.

"Uh… your sister keeps this place pretty clean. I'm sure she knows not to mess with my collection of boxes though." Snake reasoned.

"So what is it that I'm supposed to do?" Corsa questioned.

"Uh… go play?" Snake reiterated.

"What do you mean 'play'?" Corsa replied.

"You know, go find friends, hang out, and have some fun." Snake tried to simplify.

"My training consists of top physical training along with deep meditation. I have no time for 'fun'." Corsa objected.

"Wow, you are lonely." Snake theorized. When someone who's been stuck in a hell hole like Shadow Moses, with nobody but his crappy radio support team, and trying to be killed by bunch of evil lunatics led by Liquid Snake, is telling you that you're lonely, that's bad.

"I do not desire to succumb to the values of your society." Corsa retorted.

"Which means that you're so anti-social, that talking to other people is like eating vegetables, it's good for you, but you still hate it." Snake remarked with a pretty good analogy. Wait, what? That wasn't in the script. He's adding in lines, that bastard.

"Then what do you suggest that I should do, seeing as how my mother left me under your authority?" Corsa testified.

"I don't care what you do. I just have 3 rules. Number one is don't eat all of the food in the fridge, if I come to my room with an empty fridge, ether you or your sister is going to have to answer. Number two, don't play with fire near the explosives collection in my closet, it's my job to leave a giant crater in the planet, not yours. And number three, DON'T TOUCH THE BOX, Calibra learned that the hard way." Snake commanded.

"That's all of the restrictions?" Corsa asked, bewildered.

"Yup." Snake affirmed.

"You're not going to whip and lash me for forgetting to make your bed?" Corsa pleaded as she with-drawled from an obvious fear of malicious treatment.

"What? That's just cruel!" Snake yelled. Snake was a jackass, but he wasn't a sadist.

"That's what they used to do to me in my village." Corsa condemned.

"Your village SUCKS… Corsa, this is America, and we don't have that crap here." Snake declared. Snake's a dumbass, this is Nintendo. He left America a long time ago.

"Well, what do you suggest we do now?" Corsa asked.

"I'm going with Falcon and Ike to meet other Smashers who apparently live around here." Snake said.

"May I come?" Corsa gently asked, as to not imply that she was desperate because now that she was free from her mother's control, She had a world of possibilities open to her that had never been there before. It took her sometime to realize it, But Corsa was now as free as Calibra was, whom she'd envied all of these years. But her first act of freedom, was stick close to Snake, because he's the only person closest to a friend Corsa has. She holstered her staff to her back by tightening her bow and then she opted to jump on Snake's right shoulder.

"What ever, just don't make me look bad…" Snake advised as he walked out of the room, with Corsa on his shoulder.

* * *

(A/N: Stupid dog, you make me look bad! Oogaboogabooga! (Courage the Cowardly Dog Style).

Wow, I actually made it to the tenth chapter, My attention span should've blown a fuse a while ago, thanks for the reviewers for maintaining that fuse.

Well, The next chapter they get to meet some other Smashers. Here's a few I already want to include. Link, Wario, and Gannondorf. I already have their personalities figured out, and Link and Gannondorf will have 'unique' personalities, definitely not canonical. Of course, there will be more, but I'll figure out the rest while I'm writing the chapter.

Now stop trying to kill me for updating very slowly. As an awesome person once said, "I happen to like living." (Ike)

Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review. I'll reply to all of your reviews, unless you don't sign it.)


	11. Radical Surfer and The WannaBe Rap Star

(A/N: _STILL NOT DEAD! :D _

_Okay, so I'm back with a new chapter, that isn't AS retarded as the other ones. It actually gets a bit serious when Corsa is talking to Snake, but after that, I return to my pure stupidity and reference jokes._

_Thanks to all of the awesome reviewers who keep me writing this fic, your words keep me going.  
_

_Two introduced characters for this chapter, so I'll have two bios.)_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination**__**.**_

* * *

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_Radical Surfer _

Link

Yeah, that's Link, everybody's favorite heavily armed elf dude of the past. Most people think he's from Hyrule, but he was actually born and raised on the Westside of Los Angeles, California. Santa Monica to be exact. When he's not saving Hyrule from a bunch evil bad guys, like his arch Nemesis, Gannondorf, he's kicking out tunes on guitar and surfing the waves on the beach. He even has distinct speech, always starting with 'Dude' or 'Bro'.

"_Radical bro!"

* * *

_

_Wanna-be Rap star _

Gannondorf

Here's Gannondorf, that big bad mean dude who takes your lunch money. He's a wanna-be Rap Star, he thinks he knows how to rap. Too bad nobody told him that Rapping involved making up your own songs, not singing somebody else's. Despite this, he's still a force to be reckoned with, and he's got a Stereo system loud enough to cook popcorn, if that's even possible. He's also not from Hyrule either, he's from the Eastside of Los Angeles, California. He speaks a lot from the urban culture, but that's not because he's uneducated, he just thinks it's cool. Obviously, he and Link are opposites.

"_Aye Boi, You dissin' me?_"

* * *

So our favorite explosive jackass, along with uh…. A pink Riolu, whom the author has no idea how you feel about, were walking down the corridor.

Snake decided that this would be the perfect time to school Corsa in the school of 'How to be a bad-ass.' Note that the results in this school may vary greatly.

"So Corsa, what's the first thing you do when somebody asks why there is a Pink puppy on my shoulder?" Snake quizzed.

"Be polite and explain how you were given authority over me by my mother." Corsa respectfully responded.

"Wrong! you tell them you were an old war buddy from 'Nam, that's cooler." Snake declared.

"What's 'Nam?" Cora queried.

"Uh… you know, that whole thing that was going down in the Nixon administration." Snake tried explaining..

"Um, who's Nixon?" Corsa innocently asked.

"Whoa, how old are you?" Snake verbalized as he realized that Corsa had been living under a rock for the last few decades

"My sprit has roamed this earth for thousands of years." Corsa contended.

"Sooooooo…. you're like five years old?" Snake responded.

"No, I was incarnated into this body recently but my spirit has been here long before you have." Corsa reiterated.

"Which means?" Snake asked, he was lost at the big word 'incarnated.'

"I'm over a thousands years old." Corsa related as she dumbed it down.

"But you still don't know about the 70s and the 80s." Snake declared.

"What?" Corsa asked, perplexed.

"My point exactly. You're too young to remember 1979!" Snake concluded. Yeah, Snake, she's over a thousand years old, but she certainly wasn't around during 1979... Dumb-ass.

"And your point is?" Corsa defended.

"I had an afro!" Snake divulged.

"I'm sure that you had an excellent life. But if your old days were so good, why did you become a hired killer?" Corsa questioned as she desperately tried to change the subject before Snake could melt her IQ down by a few points by being stupid.

"I never did, I was just kind of dragged into it." Snake responded seriously, as he shrugged his shoulders

"So you were born into your fate as well?" Corsa deduced.

"Are you kidding me? They cloned me for my job, I wasn't just born, I was made." Snake divulged.

"You're a clone? But you have such a free spirit. Most clones that I have defeated do not even show remorse." Corsa contended.

"I was cloned with outdated technology, the super baby method, and they couldn't change emotions back then, all they could do was give the person their genes, then see how things turned out." Snake explained. I TOLD you he was reading about himself on Wikipedia… that bastard, he can't even beat his own game.

"So you're a creation of the obsolete past that serves no purpose anymore?" Corsa concluded.

"Are you calling me old? I've still got another good seven years before my body gives up on me." Snake defended.

"Only seven years? But you are so young!" Corsa exclaimed.

"My cells are aging at an accelerating rate. It's only a matter of time before they give up." Snake affirmed.

"How will you continue your legacy? How will you raise a child in under 7 years when you find a mate? How will you even be able to withstand the pressure to tell your mate that you won't be around to see your golden days?" Corsa speculated.

"I'll never have children, The government never wanted my genes to fall into the wrong hands, so they filtered out my reproductive organs and they inserted terminator genes in my cells to prevent me from being cloned." Snake testified. If you didn't understand a single thing in that last sentence, that means Snake can never get laid. Yeah, it's sad, I know.

"That means you can never find a love of your own?" Corsa mused, completely in disbelief that any being can live that life. In Corsa's species, their life goal is to defend and manipulate the Aura and to reproduce and breed a new generation of Aura manipulators. The concept of mating and reproducing wasn't a taboo in her culture, it was a celebration of life. She was standing face-to-face with her exact opposite, a man created to kill and destroy, with no love, no glory, and no blood legacy.

"I never planned to anyways, once I die, the world will never have to see another Snake." Snake added.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be invading your personal life." Corsa apologized. She realized that she had just met Snake and she was already talking to him about his love life, his origins, and his view on life.

'_He lives such a shallow life, only waiting for his death to end his existence, and knowing he lives only to kill other people, how can he bear that on his shoulders? I have misjudged him, he has it worse than I, he can not even dream, only wait to expire as the world looks down upon him for being the product of a forbidden science.' _Corsa thought to herself as she nestled her fur against Snake's face. She was glad to have finally met somebody who's life is worse than hers.

"Nah, don't worry about it, I've already done my job, these last seven years, I'm going to have to myself, to do all the things I've ever wanted to do." Snake interjected, as he surmised that Corsa rubbing her fur on him was only a puppy's instinct.

"What are your dreams?" Corsa asked Snake to specify, she knew that she was invading his privacy, but she was a curious being, she couldn't help it. They were approaching Falcon and Ike at the bottom of the stairs.

"To meet Kurt Cobain." Snake declared, this was responded to by Corsa with a perplexed look on her face. This is a Musical reference to the 90s, if you don't know who he is, you're just about the right age to be reading this fic., and you're like Corsa, too innocent. If you do know who he is, I salute you!

"Uh… Snake, Kurt Cobain has been dead for a very long time." Falcon countered.

"You're kidding?" Snake asked in disbelief.

Captain Falcon shook his head.

"This life isn't worth living!" Snake exclaimed.

"Get over it Snake, are you ready to meet some Smashers?" Falcon asked.

"Is Kurt Cobain a Smasher?" Snake persisted.

"NO!" Falcon argued.

"Then I don't wanna meet no damn Smashers." Snake declared. Yeah, I realize that sentence has a double negative in it, that's just how Snake talks, blame the Author, not me… wait… uh… that tree is the Author! Now excuse me as I break this lamp over your head and run like hell.

"Snake, get over it." Falcon demanded.

"Fine." Snake complied. They were walking down the corridor, when Snake spotted a medium sized elf with blonde hair, wearing a green tunic, equipped with a shield in front of him, and equipped with a Master Sword in his sheath. Snake couldn't figure out how he keeps knowing the name of the weapons before he meets the person, like how he knew about Ike's Holy Sword of Ragnell before he even talked to him.

"Snake, this is Link." Falcon introduced.

"Whoa, I heard about you, aren't you from Hyrule?" Snake recalled.

"Nah, bro, I'm from California." Link corrected.

"Whoa, a surfer dude." Snake blurted out.

"Narley bro, I can also kick out some tunes on my guitar." Link affirmed.

"Holy crap, I've met the Beach Boys as a single person." Snake concluded.

"Dude, I love the Beach Boys." Link related. When you think of Link, think 'Surfin' U.S.A.' I don't expect younger readers to know that song, but it'd be cool if you did.

"How about Kurt Cobain?" Snake injected.

"Dude! He's awesome. But kind of a sad story though." Link commented.

"Yeah, I was just told he died a while ago, you know what happened?" Snake asked.

"Yeah, but it's a long story, just Wikipedia it." Link advised.

"Cool." Snake confirmed.

"Dude, have you checked out that new Guitar Hero game?" Link questioned.

"Nah, but I wanted to." Snake remarked as he shrugged his shoulders.

"They have Ozzy Osborne in it!" Link boasted.

"COOL. Let's play it NOW!" Snake blasted.

"Awesome!" Link agreed.

"But, I don't even know what a Guitar is." Corsa injected.

"You don't know what a guitar is?" Snake asked.

"No." Corsa answered.

"You need to enroll, in The School Of Rock And Roll!" Snake advised.

"Rolling rocks? What does that have to do with anything?" Corsa responded.

"Just check out the game." Snake emphasized

"Dudes, we need that TV over there, but that Wanna-be Rap poser Gannondorf is watching some show about the size of the rims on a truck. How are we gonna get it?" Link articulated.

"I've got an idea, follow my lead." Snake declared, as he started to sing in a Barber Shop corset fashion.

"Is this the real life? Is this just Fantasy? Caught in a land slide, though escape from reality, open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeeeeeeeeeee…" The entire group, minus Corsa sang.

"Aye Boi, I don't need no damn Bohemian Rhapsody while I'm watching Pimp My Lawnmower." Gannondorf remarked.

"Whoa, wait, this is Pimp My Lawnmower? I love this show, Can we watch?" Falcon interjected.

"Sure, just don't take up my Gangsta space, fool." Gannondorf admonished, while the entire group sat on the couch and just started watching it. Snake and Falcon were thinking about installing a V8 in a lawnmower. Ike wanted to mount a Grenade Launcher on a lawnmower. Link and Gannondorf were more worried about the sound system they'd put on the lawnmower. Corsa was in disbelief that pushing a pedal can make something move. Yeah, what a group of personalities.

"And that kids, is why you shouldn't play a video game while in the bathtub, or you could get that 'dead body' smell all over you dad's lawn mower and he has to work hard cleaning it and removing the evidence…" The television advised as the show ended.

"I still think he could have put 44 inch rims on that lawnmower." Falcon theorized.

"Yeah, whatever Boi, so what here you fo'? Fools." Gannondorf asked.

"Bro, can we like, borrow this T.V.?" Link questioned.

"Hell nah, I still got several hours of 'dem music videos I gotta watch." Gannondorf declined.

"Bro, we wanna play Guitar hero." Link objected.

"Guitar hero? It's all 'bout Rockband fool." Gannondorf contended.

"Wait, I thought you only listen to rap." Link hypothesized.

"Nah boi, I listen to all types of music." Gannondorf commented.

"But your speech?" Falcon reminded.

"I was rasied kickin' it on the Eastsiiiddddddddddddddddeeeee… of Los Angeles. But I ain't no fool." Gannondorf declared.

"Damn bros, I don't think we'll be able to play guitar hero today." Link concluded.

"Huddle!" Falcon commanded, as everyone, minus Corsa again, huddled into a circle, football style.

"Okay, here's the plan, Link, snap me the ball and I'll pass it to Snake. Snake, run down the right side of the field and start heading towards the middle. Got it?" Falcon proposed.

"Got it.!" Everyone broadcasted.

"Blue, twenty-two, HUT!" Falcon yelled as Link snapped him the ball. Falcon skipped backwards as he saw Snake run next to the TV. With one fast swing, Falcon threw the ball so fast, it caught on fire mid-flight, it is Captain Falcon after all. Everyone's faces turned into horror as Snake missed the ball and the ball slammed into and broke the TV.

"Oh crap, we broke the TV. Cheap-o-Depot Masterhand will have our heads if he finds out about this." Ike whined.

"Why, it's only like a 20 inch TV?" Snake replied.

"If it cost anything over 100 bucks, Master Hand freaks out." Ike justified.

"Hey, where is that guy anyways? I've never seen him." Snake recalled.

"He's around…" Ike responded.

* * *

**At the store**

"Well I could buy this safe Cooking pan made of metal for five dollars." Masterhand said to himself.

"Or… This cooking pan made of plastic laced with gasoline traces that can possibly endanger the life of the person using it… BUT it's only TWO Dollars. Yeah I'll go with this." Masterhand concluded.

"Safe replacement cooking pan, check." Masterhand indicated as he checked off a list of things to get.

* * *

"Why do I get the feeling that something really dangerous is going to happen at dinner tonight?" Falcon predicted.

"Idunnuhhh" Snake blubbered as he shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" Falcon asked.

"Idunnuhhh" Snake blubbered again.

"Huh?" Falcon asked again for Snake's weird word choice.

"I said IDUNNUHH!!!" Snake restated.

"He means yes!" Ike explained.

"Uhh… Aren't we supposed to run?" Ike remembered.

"CHEEZE IT!" Snake commanded as everyone, minus Corsa AGAIN, started running, but Corsa was fast on her paws, she didn't have a hard time catching up.

"… Fools… well, now I have an excuse to use this 90 inch TV hidden in the roof, With EXTREME Bass." Gannondorf muttered as the giant TV screen came down from the roof. Gannondorf changed the channel to the rap music video station and the TV's sound system blew out all of the windows in the mansion, it was so much bass that you couldn't even hear it. That's how you know you've got a good Bass amp, when you can't hear it.

"Why are we running?" Corsa asked, as she caught up to Snake.

"Because it's better than taking responsibility for our actions." Snake huffed.

"Let's make it to the kitchen! Nobody will suspect we broke the TV if we were 'in' the kitchen." Ike reasoned.

"Didn't we like, all autograph that ball before we threw it?" Link recounted.

"CRAP!" Ike yelled, realizing that they were going to get busted anyways.

"It's too late now, keep moving!" Snake hollered like he was in World War II or something. This is Nintendo, World War II doesn't exist here, unless you played it with water guns.

The Kitchen door was in sight, they were so close to freedom er… uh, the kitchen! If anybody who has just read this is still wondering how Snake and Ike, the slowest people known to human kind, is keeping up with Captain Falcon and a Riolu, then you haven't noticed that this story is a giant loophole in itself.

"We're almost there!" Snake exclaimed as they were reaching the door.

* * *

(A/N: Wow, yet again, I've created a cliffhanger. That's a bad habit of mine.

Okay so now Corsa is a bit more developed character-wise, and she's taking a liking to Snake. You can't say I didn't put contrasting personalities in this fic, Snake is the opposite of Corsa, and Link is the opposite of Gannondorf.

And the sad part is that all of the things about Snake that was mentioned in Corsa's conversation is actually true. Snake is actually a bit canonical in this story. But he's still a jackass

There was a large amount of Musical references in this chapter and the last chapter. Here's a list of them (In order of appearance):

Never Gonna Give You Up- Rick Astley (If you don't get this reference, you've never been to Youtube.)

School's Out For Summer- Alice Cooper (I understand if you don't know this song, it is pretty old.)

Radio Killed The Video Star- The Buggles (This song was popular in the 80s, again, I understand If you've never heard it.)

I Shot The Sheriff- Bob Marley (Everyone has heard this song at one time or another.)

Can't Touch This- MC Hammer (Shame on you if you've never heard of this song.)

Peanut Butter Jelly Time (Who the hell knows who wrote this song, I have no idea.)

Kurt Cobain (Lead singer and guitarist for the band Nirvana.)

Surfin' U.S.A. - Beach boys (Old school American surfer music.)

Ozzy Osborne ( Famous metal lead singer. He's been the Prince of Darkness since 1979.)

Also, I don't care which game you prefer, Rockband or Guitar Hero, I like them both, so get over it.

* * *

So I've got something interesting for all of you reading this fic. I find that the best way to make an audience laugh is to include them in the jokes. So… I'm going to do something special for next chapter. I'll accept 2 Original Characters (Ocs) into my fic for those who are interested. There are rules, so make sure you understand them before submitting an OC.

1. First and foremost, don't submit an OC if you're sensitive to people making fun of them. I don't want to offend anyone, but I need something to work with. Don't worry, I won't be bashing a character left and right, that's not my game.

2. Understand that I may make references as jokes when dealing with somebody else's OCs, so you may be unfamiliar with the joke.

3. The OC MUST be featured in one of your stories. Something that I can physically read. I am sorry, but I won't accept OCs from anonymous reviewers.

4. Give a short bio and physical description if you're interested. It must be short, I don't want a 4000 word essay to read on a single character. I'll contact you if I'm interested, and I'll ask you to give me more detail, but I don't want someone spending two hours writing about their OC if I can't use them.

5. I won't immediately take an OC from the first reviewer, I'll wait a bit until I get a few options to choose from. Just because I don't respond immediately doesn't mean you've been turned down.

6. I'll physically tell you if I will or will not use a character or not, I don't like to leave people hanging.

7. If the chapter does offend you, you can ask me to edit out your OC all together at your request. It's only for one chapter, So they won't reappear in the fic.

And a side note, if I don't receive 2 OC submissions, I'm throwing in Pokefreak59 into this story, just to piss him off xD.

There will actually be 3 OCs, Shadow Rukario has so valiantly submitted her OC, Shuyri. Poor bastard, he's probably not getting out of the next chapter alive.

* * *

Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review (and submit). I'll reply to all of your reviews, unless you don't sign it.)


	12. The Originals Part One

_(A/N: Okay, so I'm really sorry for this being so late, but I've been a bit busy recently and haven't had time to really write the story, so what I did was I cut the chapter into two and this is the first half. This is late enough, but you're gonna have to wait for the second part. _

_Thanks to all of those people who submitted an OC for review, and for those whom I couldn't use, I'm sure you understand my reasons._

_Anyways, where's the first part of my story in which I prove I don't need my own OCs to make fun of things, I can use other people's OCs as a vehicle too. I feel I got 3 out of the 4 personalities pretty accurately, with the exception of Iris. WolfWonders, if you're reading this, you might want to develop you characters a bit more. I had a hard time figuring out her personality, except that she's a bit arrogant and vain._

_Plus, each character gets a cool little bio, even with a direct quote from their story! So don't kill me! And oh yeah, I'll put a song which I feel best fits each character. Chances are the owner of the OCs has never heard these songs. Well if you want to hear them, PM me and I'll be happy to search the web for you for a link or even pull it from my music library and give it to you myself. _

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination**_**. **_**I also do not own Narcissus, Iris, Shuyri, or Terry. These characters belong to Blaze Ocean Dragon, WolfWonders, Shadow Rukario, and Pokefreak59 respectively. No, I'm serious about this; you'd better not skip this disclaimer. You skipped it didn't you? I can see that look on your face, you know what you did.

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**

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**_

_The Originals Part One_

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**Shuyri (the Lucario)**

A Lucario with reddish blue fur, and Red-ish beige fur. He's a bit of a misfit. He had an odd set of parents, one being a female Lucario whom was detached, and nothing is known about currently, and a vicious Weavile for a father. From the far off Alps of Snowpoint, he began traveling at a young age, meeting with Zero, a hybrid of a Mightyena and a Kitsune, and Kuro, an emotionally reserved trainer. During a strange incident with a corrupted TM machine, Shuyri's body transformed into its current state, and granted him shadow abilities. His current quest is to help Zero rescue his parents, but an odd occurrence has happened when they are confronted by an oddball group of Pokemon, including a corrupted Kuro himself. That leads us to wonder, what's he doing hanging around Smash Mansion in this fic anyways?

"_Fine, had some Oreos…."_

First Appearance: _Secrets of the Shadows, Chapter 1: Intro Chap _by **Shadow Rukario**

Author's song choice_: 'Going Through Changes' _by Army of Me

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**Iris (the Lucario)**

Iris certainly isn't new to this fighting thing. She was raised in the Eisa clan, the Lucario Clan over the elemental power of ice. She stayed with the clan for a while before being inducted into smash mansion's ranks. She is also rather vain, temperamental, and a bit arrogant. Not much is known about her at this point, and her clan days are kept to herself. Question is will she really be able to survive the stupidity that is: Solid Snake?

"_Oh joy. My first day at this school and they already think I'm a psycho."_

First Appearance: _Smash High School, Chapter 4: New Arrival _by **WolfWonders **

Author's song choice: '_Wolf Like Me' _by TV on the Radio

* * *

**Narcissus (the Quilava) **

He prefers to be called Narc, and he's a blunt, temperamental, womanizing, and attention span deficient Quilava. He's somewhat of a Johnny Bravo figure, whose main purpose in life is to have offspring with a mate. Too bad things haven't been going his way, because his own clan essentially deemed him unproductive. To get away from them and all the pressures of his past life, he set off to anywhere the winds would take him. He was then captured by Team Rocket and held in captivity for some time. He was set free when a cool headed undercover trainer named Sean with a Kadabara named Tirius had infiltrated the Team Rocket base. To his dismay, the trainer opted to keep him after the whole incident. Since then, he's helped a few others out of their cages, and now has to deal with an even bigger problem, a military program designed to take over the world with its intelligence. He's in way over his head, and it's just beginning. Isn't he supposed to be out making a difference, what the hell is he doing in Smash Mansion?

"_So I didn't produce an heir, so what? For all they know, one of those brats could be mine and they don't even know it… Yah, that's it. It's their fault completely; they just haven't been observant enough. Bastards."_

First Appearance: _Until Dawn, Chapter 2: Of Narcissus _by **Blaze Ocean Dragon**

Author's song choice: '_Tuned to a Different Station' _by Dogs

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**Terry**

The Smash Mansion sad sack, he's much like Ted from Scrubs. He's a generic anime character with generic spiky blue hair and always wears a novelty T-shirt that always changes in different scenes. He carries around a suitcase with some interesting items in it. He also never appeared in any fic, he's more of an inside joke between Pokefreak59 and Opengunner when they're at school. His name is taken from Terry Boguard from King of Fighters, but he's not nearly as cool.

"_Your opinion, yes you, you over there, yeah, you, your opinion is wrong!"_

Author's song choice: _'The Hell That is My Life' _by Zebrahead

* * *

"Keep running!" Snake commanded, recalling back to his days in World War II where he was a member of the British SAS intelligence agency, despite being born in 1973. Snake breaks the fourth-wall so much that he crossed videogames and fought on Britain's side back in Call of Duty 3.

Snake had taken the 'initiative' to ram the kitchen door down, since nobody else in his 'squad' was going to do so. Of course, this door also happened to look like it was made out of some expensive metal and it made a very nice crash when it hit the floor, ringing like a tuning fork that someone keeps striking because their bored and trying to really annoy somebody.

"Uh... that was Ike's fault, he's paying for it." Snake declared, slowly stepping away from the dented door.

"What? That's not fair!" Ike contested.

"Shh! We have company." Snake hushed as he had quietly pointed to a pink marshmallow with red shoes and a chef's hat, standing next to a boiling pot twice the size of the marshmallow itself.

"Bro, that's Kirby, he's not gonna do anything." Link objected in a hushed tone.

"I'm not taking any chances, If I get spotted, I'm gonna have to explain to the police how the box has a taste for human flesh... and slaughtered everyone with Assault Rifle rounds.... AGAIN." Snake whispered, explaining how an inanimate object can somehow devour humans, but only after it has shot them with rounds from an unnamed assault rifle that bears a striking resemblance to the rounds fired by Snake's FAMAS. Yes, that was a Spoiler, to what, I don't really know though. FAMAS for the win.

"Wait, the box has what?" Ike asked as what Snake just said had sunk in.

"Shut up, we gotta sneak past Kirby." Snake declared, trying to get back on topic.

(Generic Metal Gear Solid Sneaking music from the Nuclear Storage Building starts playing in the background, and everybody hears it.)

"Where's that coming from?" Ike wondered out loud, perplexed. But he totally digged the tune. Who doesn't love Generic Sneaking Music from Metal Gear Solid? That's almost like a crime to hate that music.

"I bribed the author to put cool music when ever I go into sneaking mode." Snake answered, as the screen flashed to the Author counting five single dollar bills, like he was rich or something. What are you looking at? This is worth a good Five-Dollar Foot-long at Subway.

"CRAP, I'VE BEEN SPOTTED!" Snake immediately yelled as he noticed Kirby gaze at him. Snake whipped out his M9 Tranquilizer pistol and started shooting tranquilizer round after tranquilizer round into Kirby as fast as he could load the bolt action pistol.

"HIIIII!!!" Kirby taunted, completely oblivious of what Snake was even doing.

* * *

20 Minutes later.

* * *

"Okay, this isn't getting anywhere, I'm just gonna walk away." Snake realized after he wasted more tranquilizer ammo in 20 minutes than Big Boss had wasted on the ENTIRE Snake Eater mission. Snake just walked into a different section of the kitchen, completely ignoring Kirby now. 20 minutes of his life he could have used to be inside his precious box, wasted by a pink marshmallow with apparently poor blood circulation.

"Okay, in order for us to avoid taking responsibility, everybody split up!" Snake randomly yelled to his 'squad'. Link and Falcon ran opposite ways, and Ike burst through the nearest window for added cinematic effect, no other reason at all. Unfortunately for Snake, Corsa was becoming ever so bonded to him already, and was reluctant to leave her only friend. Snake had to cut Corsa a deal to get rid of her, Snake explained that he had to do some 'Grown-up stuff' like eat Cheetos and sit on the couch and watch TV. Snake explained that Corsa was free to meditate until dinner, where she would have to meet him in the cafeteria, and although Corsa didn't want to go off into the vast Smash Mansion alone, she knew that she had to respect Snake's privacy to be an individual, and with that, she was gone. Snake decided to snoop around the large pantry of the Mansion, looking for some stupid un-nutritional snack food to which he could eat without having to worry about paying for it. In-case you didn't notice, stupid un-nutritional snack food is actually expensive, too much for a man who gets paid absolutely NOTHING for saving the world multiple times. Until he heard a sound that is.

"What's that sound?" Snake asked loud enough to blow what ever possible cover he had. Snake turned the corner to see a uniquely colored Lucario stealing Oreos. This Lucario had reddish blue fur, with red chest fur, and very sharp red eyes that glow in the dark. (Think of the red team Lucario, like that.) Of course, Snake had blown his cover not two seconds ago, and this Lucario was staring right into his soul, like all Lucarios seem to do when first meeting Snake.

Snake immediately froze time with the item select window and called Otacon.

"Holy crap Otacon, it's ANOTHER freaking Bi-pedal Jackal." Snake emphasized.

"Snake, you're a freaking Lucario magnet. How is it that a Pokemon, whom happens to be such a rare species that only the best of trainers even dream of possessing one, happens to show up around every corner for you?" Otacon queried, noticing just how lucky Snake gets, any Pokemon Trainer would dream to be in his place. Of course, Pokemon Trainers would do anything to get their hands on a Lucario; Snake would do anything to get rid of them.

"I don't know. It's like Lucarios are born with two natural instincts, to defend their practice of the Aura arts, and TOUCH MY BOX. How is it that a specific species of Pokemon are bred specifically to screw me over?" Snake declared, emphasizing 'touch my box'. Yeah, think about it like that, every Lucario is born with the natural instinct to touch Snake's box at least once in their lifetime. A scary thought huh?

"Well, Snake, do you know who that particular Lucario is?" Otacon added.

"I don't really care anymore. I've met too many people as it is." Snake contended.

"That's Shuyri, Snake. He has command over a range of dark and shadow based attacks that Lucarios aren't even supposed to have." Otacon stated anyways.

"Hey, didn't I beat that guy up in High School?" Snake suddenly recalled.

"Snake, you never made it to High School, you failed the fifth grade, remember?" Otacon reminded.

"Wow, what the hell did I do with my teenage years?" Snake wondered as the story cuts into a flashback. Can you guys notice a pattern here? No matter what Snake and Otacon start talking about, it always ends up somewhere COMPLETELY different.

* * *

Flashback to Snake's Teenage years.

* * *

Snake: Age 13.

"Hey Liquid, check this out! I got that new Pong game everybody is talking about!"

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Snake: Age 15.

"Hey Solidus, check this out! I got that new Space Invaders game everybody is talking about!"

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Snake: Age 17.

"Hey Colonel, check this out! I got that new Mine Sweeper game everybody's talking about!"

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Snake: Age 19.

"Hey Grey Fox, check this out! I got that new Solitaire game everybody's talking about!"

* * *

Snake: Age 30.

"Hey Mei-Ling, check this out! I got that new Super Smash Bros Melee game everybody's talking about."

* * *

Snake: Present day.

"Hey Otacon, check this out! I got that new Super Smash Bros Brawl game everybody's talking about."

"Hey umm.... Snake, are you going to continue the story?" Otacon asked.

"Oh, my bad." Snake responded as the story went back to its current topic at hand.

* * *

"Snake watch out, Shuyri is able to use Shadow force." Otacon advised.

"Uh.... remember how I said I'm not familiar with Pokemon attacks?" Snake reminded.

"It means he can instantly vanish into the shadows and strike you from anywhere." Otacon articulated.

"So? I've got a flare gun. If I spam light all over the place, there won't be any shadows to hide in." Snake surmised as he logged off of his omnipotent codec.

"So, it's you who's been stealing all of the Oreos!" Snake accused, obviously aware of the missing Oreos ordeal.

"Hai! Is there something wrong?" Shuyri innocently responded.

"Yes! You aren't even eating them with milk, that's just WRONG. Oreos MUST be eaten with milk!" Snake retorted, disgusted that anybody would even steep to THAT level, not eating Oreos with milk is a federal offense, at least where Snake comes from.

"And who are you?" Shuyri defended.

"I'm Snake." The man stared at the camera as his Mega-Bad-Ass intro flashed on the screen.

Solid Snake  
(David Hayter)

".... Um.... Alright... You- You say you're Snake?" Shuyri reiterated.

"... Hey! Cool box! May I see it?" Shuyri injected excitedly, while proving Snake's earlier reasoning. Yes, this Lucario already wants to touch Snake's box. This was promptly interrupted when Snake reached into his back pocket and whipped out his Flare gun that he obtained in an obscure way that involves hitting a random sequence of buttons in the 'Cheat Code Entry' section of the game...

"Nobody even THINKS about thinking about touching mah Box, thinking about thinking is illegal, In America!" Snake bellowed along with a threatening glare. Wow, is my country really that bad? We don't even allow thinking about thinking? Now that I think about it... Oh crap, I just broke a federal law... uh... That tree over there is OpenGunner. I'm just an underpaid narrator that most likely hates his job.

"Wait, where'd he go?" Snake blurted out after realizing that the Lucario was no longer standing in front of him. Snake was scanning the immediate area, when he noticed he was no longer holding his flare gun. Snake immediately patted his pockets down, thinking he dropped it, when all of a sudden, he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. He turned around to witness Shuyri mocking him, with Snake's flare gun in hand. Before Shuyri could pull any more dazzling moves, Snake took a step back and ran for the bag of Oreos that Shuyri had just put down.

"Well... I'm out of here." Snake declared as he pulled out the Cypher (the floating gun camera that's his Up-B) from his back pocket. The Cypher lifted Snake slowly and surely towards the ceiling, until he actually hit the ceiling, but Master Hand's cheap roof materials was no match for Snake's one-and-a-half horsepower Cypher. The Cypher, you see, was actually a lawnmower engine put to spin a simple fan stolen off of one of the many ceiling fans in the mansion. Nonetheless, he broke through the roof and just continued drifting away the sky, where ever the wind would take him, as his body faded into the horizon.

"That jackass, he took all of the Oreos! Oh well, he left all of the Oran berries." Shuyri commented, grinning, and not a single soul in sight.

* * *

Meanwhile

* * *

Ike was sprinting as fast as he can, which is uh... how fast you can walk, until he was clear of the kitchen area and the broken window, which he claims no responsibility for... the wind did it. He ended up at the side door of the mansion, and walked outside to notice he was near the very loud air conditioning unit. And next to it was a creature he's never seen before....

Narcissus, or more simply known as Narc, was a rather blunt, and straight forward Quilava. Like you would expect from any fire Pokemon, he has an Attention Deficit Disorder which causes him to have a short attention span, much like the Author of this story, but unlike the Author, he wasn't pumped full of drugs for half his life to become some mellow, dull loser who would later in life, create an illogical fan-fiction about a guy in a tight sneaking suit with an obsession to boxes, blowing things up left and right and making many obscure references to things that nobody even remembers anymore. However, he's also a smooth talking; ill-tempered, womanizing, aggressive Pokemon with his main purpose in life is to produce offspring. He also loves a good fight. We're also going to assume he speaks English, because loopholes are the Author's best friend.

Ike by this point, was getting very hungry, due to the fact the author seldom writes about supporting characters eating because that's boring. Only when Snake is eating, is that interesting because Snake doesn't even chew his food, he shoves it into his face and it magically appears in his stomach. Esophaguses are for losers

"Man I'm hungry; I sure could go for a hot dog right about now. I haven't eaten anything since I jacked that PB&J sandwich from that one dude. Mmmm, it looks so toasty..." Ike drooled, disillusioned and getting a Quilava mixed up for baseball park food.

Ike just sat there staring at what he thought was a smoking-hot grilled hot dog until he started to speak to it, because hunger can do that you, where you think food is a legitimate person, and you try to talk to it to get to know it better.

"I don't smell any fear on ya. You are one tough hot dog, I'll give you that." Ike admired.

Narc was currently in the state of trying to sleep, and he was getting annoyed at the delusional Sword-man.

"Put your dukes up." Ike dictated as he got into his 1950s old school boxer style, flashing his fists around in the good ol' One-Two swing..

* * *

Meanwhile

* * *

So... Snake was just like floating away into the sunset randomly, until he decided to let go of the Cypher because if he went too far, he'd get KOed by Smash Bro's stupid boundaries. Needless to say, he left a Dragon Ball Z sized crater in the ground where he landed. Good thing it was only a forest and there wasn't anything valuable around, only a silly ecosystem. Snake doesn't care about the environment, maybe that's why the tree opted to land on him after Astra kicked him into it. Stupid trees, only looking for clever ways to foil Snake and his attempts to fight dark, shape-shifting bunnies. Snake vowed he would have his revenge on the trees, even if it kills him.

"Wow, I hope they don't link this crater to me." Snake said. Yeah, Snake only landed face first, and left a nice face print at the bottom of the crater, but they'll NEVER guess it was him. Nope, never in a million years.

Snake finally managed to climb out of the blast query sized crater and just started walking back to smash mansion, until he noticed a spec parched on the top of the tree keeping its balance. The sun was in snake's eyes, but he could tell that it was mainly silver, and it appeared to be human shaped. Snake decided to get its attention.

"Hey! Down here!" Snake yelled.

So Snake is still trying to get the creature's attention, which was still trying its hardest to ignore him. But Snake's a persistent man, just like his brother Liquid who REFUSES to die.

"Hey! AYE! A! B! B!" Snake started hollering, like the letter B would get the creature's attention instead of A. Silly Snake, it's all about the letter F, that sounds the meanest and it's also a letter that 'magically appears' on the Author's assignments in English class. To Snake's dismay, the creature still continued to ignore him.

So Snake decided to bring her down, the 'old fashioned way'. Snake pulled out his RPG Rocket launcher and aimed at the base of the tree. Of course, Snake broke the laws of logic by CHARING it, by simply yelling at it. Sit back and observe how Nintendo made it possible to yell at a rocket launcher, and it would somehow have a bigger explosion. Well, nonetheless, if the creature had been asleep this entire time, it wasn't anymore, as it fell down to the earth as fast as the tree fell on Snake... AGAIN. It's probably a bad idea to shoot a tree down with an RPG, especially if the tree lands on you afterwards.

"That human is going to pay for that." The creature said. From what Snake could observe, it was in fact, another Lucario, except this Lucario had bright silver fur and breath-taking deep blue eyes. She was as graceful as... okay; this description is even putting the Author to sleep. She's a sliver Lucario with blue eyes, that's all you need to know, and Otacon was right, Snake is a Lucario magnet.

"Uggh! Stupid tree!" Snake groaned has he shoved the tree off of him.

"What is it that you wanted so bad that you had to interrupt my meditation?" The creature spoke in a definite, but soft feminine voice.

"Yeah, uh... do you know where Smash Mansion is? I think I'm lost." Snake asked.

"We're IN Smash Mansion, this is the garden section you idiot." The creature retorted.

"Really?" Snake queried as he looked behind to discover... Yup, A mansion. "How did I not see that?"

"Well, now that you've awoken me, I think you'd better explain yourself." The creature commanded with a firm voice, or uh... telepathic signal because Lucarios can't afford voice boxes. Only Humans and Parrots are cool enough for those.

"Uh... My name is Jonas. I'm carrying the wheel. Thanks for all you've shown us, but this is how we feel." Snake sung as a random guitar riff started playing from no visible source, bit since this guitar riff kicks ass, nobody questioned why it was there.

Then, out of complete nowhere, a man with spiky blue generic anime character hair with baggy black jeans and in a dark blue novelty T-Shirt that reads 'Hard work never hurt anybody, but I'm still not gonna risk it.' busted into the current situation through the door, S.W.A.T. style and started to sing to said mysterious guitar riff.

"My name is Wakefield. Gotta Box full of your toys. Fresh outta batteries, but they're still making noise!" The man sung. The Silver Lucario closed her eyes and held a paw in front of it.

"Your Aura indicates that you're a jackass" The creature pointed to Snake.

"And your Aura indicates that you're PokeFreak59, but in an OC form of Terry." The Lucario pointed at the man in the novelty T-shirt that said 'I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am.'

"Crap, she foiled our plan! Quick! Into the Invisible Fail-mobile!

"I lost the Invisible Keys!" Terry yelled.

"Check your suitcase!" Snake commanded.

"I can't find them!" Terry maintained as he frantically searched his suitcase.

"Hey, why is there only a Smiley-Face button and a Revolver in your suitcase?" The Lucario remarked after she saw the contents of Terry's suitcase.

"Well, the Smiley-Face button is for when I get sad... and the Revolver is for when I get REALLY sad." Terry emphasized the 'really' part, now wearing a novelty T-shirt that said 'Take my advice. I don't use it anyways.'

"Well then, maybe I should enlighten you of my ways, before beating you to a pulp for interrupting my meditation." The Lucario responded.

"I didn't interrupt your meditation, can I go now?" Terry contended.

"No, I don't like you either." The Lucario reiterated.

"Look what you did, you got us both killed." Terry said to Snake, while wearing a Novelty T-Shirt that said ' I'm right 98 percent of the time. Who cares about the other three percent?'

"I'm Iris, I am of the Eisa Clan, a proud clan which holds command over the element of Ice." Iris introduced.

"Oh Yeah, Well, I'm in the 1337GrenadeLaunchingExplosiveCarGuys Clan. Yeah, Falcon, Ike and I already have our own kick-ass clan on GameBattles." Snake bragged.

"What's your Win-Loss ratio?" Terry asked, wearing a blue novelty T-shirt that said 'Easily Distracted'. This shirt is the Author's personal favorite; it describes the Author perfectly in two words.

"Horrible, now shut up." Snake commanded. Yeah Snake, never winning a single match means you don't brag about having a GameBattles account, you're supposed to be ashamed of that.

"As I was saying" Iris maintained.

"Crap, she's going to go into a monologue." Snake whispered to Terry, who was now desperate to get away.

"There're seven clans of Lucario that inhabit the earth. Ice- Eisa, Fire- Feuer, Air-Aire, Rock- Eirde, Grass- Zole, Water- Vesi, and Electricity- Strom. Our ancient ancestors were able to use these elements directly, but now it only runs deep in our blood. Hey, did you fall asleep on me?" Iris interrupted to the sight of Terry and Snake sleeping.

"Sorry, but hearing the entire history of Lucario clans is only SLIGHTLY more interesting than waiting in line at the DMV." Snake grumbled as he woke up from his two hour long nap, yeah Iris took two hours in 'Snake' time to explain that.

Iris started to get aggravated, and flashed her canine teeth at the idiotic pair. She also charged a very dangerously large Aura Sphere, and proceeded to heave it at Snake and Terry.

"Oh crap! Gunner, Make it miss!" Snake yelled as he hit the select button and froze time and broke the fourth wall.

_Author: Sorry Snake, I can't pull any strings for you here, it's going to hit you._

"What, why the hell not?" Snake demanded an explanation.

_Author: Because Iris is WolfWonder's OC, and as such, I can't bribe her._

"But you're the Author!" Snake maintained.

_Author: So, I can't tell other people's OCs what to do_

"What if they included Opel Gunther in their story, how would you feel?" Snake theorized.

_Author: I don't care if they kill him off, as you can see; I kinda make fun of and destroy my own OCs anyways._

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Snake and Terry yelled as time resumed and they were hit by the freakishly huge Aura Sphere.

* * *

Meanwhile

* * *

Ike and Narc had already engaged in a fight.

A lighting fast Quilava versus loading-screen-slow Ike. Yeah, this is a battle as old as time itself.

Ike started strong with his Grenade Launcher as his primary attack. Ike fired 40 MM grenade after 40 MM grenade. Of course he didn't have much luck as he started to get frustrated, the little creature was practically running circles around him. Ike managed to keep Narc at a distance by using the random Shrapnel released by the Grenade Launcher as a makeshift barrier. Of course, this all went down the drain, when Ike realized he had to reload, and now Narc knew he had the chance to strike, and took it immediately. What Narc didn't expect was that Ike was already a professional in wielding the Grenade Launcher, and before Narc could possibly get close enough to torch Ike, Ike had already unlocked the revolving chamber, dumped out all of the empty shells, and jammed a speed-loader into the six chambers and locked the chamber in place, all in record time. This shenanigan continued for another six Grenade Launcher rounds, until Narc had become fed up with dodging, and used Double team to create two more copies of himself, and rushed Ike. Ike, in a blind panic, couldn't decide which copy he was going to shoot at, and cursed himself for not trying to learn how to duel-wield Grenade Launchers, despite the fact that he could do it, in fact, he swings a two handed sword around with one hand, that means he can easily hold two Grenade Launchers with no problem, the only problem being the reload... Ike's duel-wielding thoughts of the Grenade Launcher were abruptly ended as Narc slammed into him head on. This little Quilava packs a punch, and they both busted through the wall of Smash mansion.

* * *

(A/N: Well, that's only the first part, and yes, I had to cliffhanger you because there was really no other place I could cut the chapter.

So, for the people's whose OCs I included, what did you think? Did I get the OCs right? Do you think I'm missing something? Or think I've missed the OC entirely. Feedback would be appreciated as to aid my in writing the next part of the chapter.

There was one musical reference in this chapter that may have spun your head when you first read it, like 'why did he say that, it made no sense?' Well, it kind of does, if you know the song, it's called '_My Name is Jonas' _by Weezer. If you got that reference, you either paid attention in the 90s or played Guitar Hero 3. Either way, if you recognized it, give yourself a pat on the back.

One last thing, If your looking for a good adventure fic, I'd really recommend Blaze Ocean Dragon's Until Dawn. It was the only adventure fic in which I've read 20 chapters of and actually paid attention to, and something I acually like to see updated. Now if you know me and MY attention span, that's an accomplishment in itself. Just check the review pages for this story, you can find his profile from there. As a matter of fact, you can find all of the Ocs creator's profiles from there.

Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review (and motivate me because I'm busy with school.). I'll reply to all of your reviews, (unless you don't sign it.)


	13. The Originals Part Two

_(A/N: A boost blast from the past. Uncle Gunner has updated the story. _

_So yeah... my bad about taking several months to update... I'm not gonna lie, my motivation has been lacking. I think I might have accidentally killed myself when I accepted the OCs... I was so busy trying to make them in character that my drive to finish started to wane. Well, after this chapter, we will never see them in this story again. _

_Thanks to BlazeOceanDragon, Kingsparky, Shadow-Rukario, and Pokefreak59 for letting me use their characters. I'll be lucky if the 1st two even read this chapter. Also, thanks to House-of-sleep for subliminally reminding me of this story when we were talking on DA._

_Hopefully, after this chapter, my motivation will come again, now that I'll start following the plot once more (YES this story has a plot, it's just hidden in all the references,) and it'll start getting good. _

_And lastly, sorry to all my... now Old Skool readers, who have supported me in writing this fic._

_

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_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination**_**.**_

_**

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**_

_--_

_**Oh, The People You'll Meet.**  
The Originals Part 2_

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_

---

Meanwhile...

Shuyri was enjoying the last bit of Oran berries as he found a seat in the quiet cafeteria. It was far past lunch but too early for dinner.

To his surprise, two walls on opposite sides of the cafeteria both imploded at the same time. From one side came Ike, being smashed in by a bulldozer on steroids, also known as Narc. And from the other came side, came Snake and Terry being mauled by a large Aura Sphere; however, due to the fact that this fiction is rated Teen, nobody died, and there was absolutely NO BLOOD. Boo- hoo, if you want blood, go play Mortal Combat or watch 'Oh, The People You'll Meet: The Movie EXTREME EDITION' coming soon to theaters near you. Rated M for MANLY.

"What the hell? How is it possible that we both landed in the same place despite all of us running in a different direction?" Ike said as Terry snuck out of the current situation by walking away and whistling. Sneaking would be WAY too predictable, nobody would ever expect he was escaping by making it blatantly obvious to where he was at.

"Video game logic, don't question it." Snake answered.

"But," Ike objected.

"Don't question it." Snake interrupted.

"Okay..." Ike responded, only to realize, that he and Snake were, in fact, surrounded by two pissed off jackals, and a little flaming... uh... what the hell is Quilava anyways? The Author never figured that out. (Don't hate me; I'm a loser who names cars, not animals.)

"Wow, we pissed off the whole crew of OCs in one third of a chapter." Snake blurted, earning him even more pissed off looks, and confused ones at the same time. I don't think the OCs realize their in a Fan-Fiction yet. The third wall is for losers.

"I'll figure out a way out of this!" Snake yelled, as he HEROICALLY put his hand on his chin and went into a thinking pose. "Just... give me a minute."

"Uh... Snake, they're closing in." Ike reminded.

"I've got it!" Snake yelled as he shuffled his hand into his front pocket. He brought out a grenade canister that had "WARNING: Do NOT let a child under the age of three devour this grenade." written on it. This label, of course, was approved by the FDA or what ever agency your country has for the regulation of medicine.

"Another flash-bang?" Ike asked, recalling the incident 50 chapters ago that nobody remembers anymore; when Snake knocked himself, and a whole village of Lucarios, out with one flash-bang. Good times.

"No, even more useless! The smoke grenade!" Snake informed, as he dramatically pulled the pin and threw it at the ground next to him.

"And now we play the waiting game..." Snake stated as the smoke barely started to pick up, and choked out of the can.

If you're wondering why Shuryi, Iris, and Narc haven't attacked by now, it's because they can't. You see, they're all from Pokemon; and therefore are ruled by Anime Physics, and everybody knows that Anime characters can never attack in the middle of a dialogue scene. Hey, The Author didn't make the rules; he just bends them or breaks them to his liking.

"Any day now..." Snake said, agitated, looking at his non-existent watch, waiting for the smoke to come out. This is what Snake gets for using a 15 YEAR OLD smoke grenade. Seriously, he picked that grenade up on his first mission to Outer Heaven, back in 1993, even carrying it all the way though Shadow Moses (never using it, that's how useless it is) and NOW he decides to use it. Then out of complete nowhere, the can erupted in a violent explosion, even though smoke grenades don't have any explosive potential within them, and threw smoke everywhere, effectively making everybody cough.

A few seconds went by to reveal that Snake and Ike are still standing in the same place as the smoke clears.

"Oh yeah! That's right, we were supposed run after we throw the smoke grenade, weren't we? Damn, forgot about that." Snake recalled. Of course, all of the OCs by now, have had enough of the disaster that was: Solid Snake.

Now we get to play a fun game, called: '_Guess which character said these lines_.'

"I'll tear Snake apart myself for interrupting my sleep!"

"Give me back my Oreos!"

"Finally, a decent fight around here!"

Okay, there are your quotes. You now have 30 seconds to figure out which character said them, as I turn on the Jeopardy music.

Dun da dun duh da dun da dun... dun da duh dun dun dun da.

I'm not going to give you the answers, if you can't figure it out; then you haven't been paying attention to my horrible attempts to give other people's OCs some characterization, (which I find hard to do.) Now back to your scheduled programming.

"Damn, my first fight at Smash Mansion, I hope I don't get horribly mauled like that one time..." Snake recalled

* * *

(Flash Back to Shadow Moses)

'_Okay, I need that guard's attention.' _Snake thought to himself.

Snake knocked on a wall, thinking that the guard would come around the corner and he would easily be able to choke him out. Of course, Snake THOUGHT he was playing on the Very Easy difficulty. Suddenly, TEN THOUSAND GENEOME GUARDS ran towards the source of the sound. Correction, he accidentally picked European Extreme difficulty. Basically, if you get seen in this difficulty, it just ENDS.

"I hate my job..." Snake started.

--- End flashback ---

* * *

"I still think I've got, like 40 percent of the bullets from that day still in my body," Snake recalled. Because you know, Snake learned percentage in 5th grade and applies it wherever he can, cause he thinks it makes him sound smarter.

"Your first fight? What about when you fought Calibra in front of the mansion?" Ike blurted out.

"Who?" Snake pondered.

"Never mind," Ike declared as Snake pulled out his FAMAS and Ike pulled out his Grenade launcher, with the tension currently rising. Snake, Ike, Shuyri, Narc, Iris, and the Pizza guy entered a staring contest. Wait, forget the pizza guy, I don't pay him enough to be in this fic, maybe some other chapter. Mmm... Pizza Hut.

"Oh crap, here comes Terry." Snake interrupted the tension.

"Hey guys, guys?" Terry started, "You want some Co-Co Cola? Drink it?"

"No." Snake responded.

"Why n-?" Terry asked before being interrupted.

"Cau... cause I'm Fat, I'm on a diet." Snake stuttered" Snake interrupted. Can you really imagine Snake being fat? I hope not

"How about some Bologna. You want some Bologna?" Terry asked.

"No, I don't want no Bologna." Snake retorted. Terry just shrugged his shoulders and started eating his bologna, until he started to cough.

"Hey, shut up, I don't wanna hear that!" Snake demanded in response to Terry's coughing.

"Don't tell him to shut up! He's choking!" Ike pointed out the obvious.

"Oh no! I didn't know he was choking!" Snake addressed the situation, "So what do we do?"

"I don't know, the guy's choking." Ike commented as he shrugged his shoulders. Terry was currently coughing in Ike's face.

"Hey, don't do that in my face." Ike objected. Terry of course continued to cough in Ike's face, because let's face it, a choking dude doesn't really care or hear what you're saying. Nevertheless, Ike pushed him away, into Iris. Iris didn't appreciate this sudden breach of personal space either, and promptly threw him to the ground.

"Get off me you freak, I don't care if you're in trouble or not; you don't touch me that way." Iris reprimanded.

"Uh... RUN!" Snake yelled, taking Terry's coughing as a distraction to escape.

Snake and Ike took off from the cafeteria into the smash Mansion corridors, and they split up. Snake ran right, Ike ran left.

Iris ran after Snake, Shuyri ran after Ike, and Narc's attention span ran out 20 minutes ago, so he was just walking along, looking for chicks, you know, the normal thing to do when you're his age... what ever his age is. Let's follow him for a while since Snake and Ike are in a chase scene and the Author sucks at describing those. Of course, Terry is still choking on the floor. That's right; none of these characters have the decency to help a choking man. But since helping Terry out of his predicament would be horribly boring and repetitive with some stupid stuff like CPR, (Mouth-to-Mouth resuscitation, even though that's for someone who's nearly drowned, not choking on bologna,) we're just gonna skip over to Narc.

Every where Narcissus went, he found females way out of his gauge, and height for that matter. Most of the females around the damn mansion were human, or human shaped to say the least. Princesses, Eskimos, and a robotic chick, and yet, not a single female Pokemon. Well, his luck instantly changed when he walked into the Smash Lounge, needless to say anybody could walk in there, it's not like Smash mansion has any guards or security or anything like that... Cheap-O-Depot Master Hand. He spotted a completely, and strangely, healthy female Pikachu near that robotic chick he had seen earlier.

_'Okay, first plan of action, need to separate the mouse from the robot. Then I'll meet the young lady._' Narc surmised in his head.

Samus and Pikachu were watching TV. First, Narc tried the subtle approach: he tried to find a frequency he could whistle that could disrupt the robots machinery and cause it to spontaneously combust. Needless to say, that was a dumb idea.

_'So... time for Plan B,' _Narc said to himself. Narc waited for the robot to get up to use the bathroom, which actually worked. Don't ask why robots need to use the bathroom, it's IRRELEVANT. 'Why is Plan B always the better one?' Narc said to himself. Notice the HUGE drop in IQ in Narc's transition from his original story to here... it's pretty apparent of the effects. He continued on to approach the female Pikachu.

"Well, hello there lovely," Narc roused.

"HI!!!" the mouse yelled.

"Um, what's a nice girl like you doing here?" Narc asked, trying to regain his composure.

"Just watching MEDIEVAL TORTURE DEVICES on the History channel! Would you like to join me?" The mouse again yelled.

"Uh..." Narc hesitated.

"Why personally, I like Electrical shock torture, it's soo soothing for the one administering it." The mouse let out.

Back away Narcissus; back away and never come back. Well, Narcissus can't read this, but I think he got the message, because right after she said that, he was in the parking lot already. I don't care what you say, he COULD beat Sonic in a race, he just needs a little motivation, like crazy electric mouse girls. Well, he was in the parking lot, when he spotted a man in a blue suit with golden accents and red helmet looking through a pair of binoculars, with a perverted smile on his face as he stares at what ever he is looking at.

"Maybe I can join him in looking at what ever he seems to be... enjoying," Narciuss huffed.

Narcissus walked behind the man, only to startle him.

"Woah little dude, didn't hear you coming," Captain Crunch... er... Falcon babbled.

"What are you looking at?" Narc queried.

"Oh, I know somebody who wants a peek, well if you're that interested, look for yourself," Falcon indicated, dropping the binoculars on the floor. The binoculars just sat there for five seconds, Falcon doing that dumb smile of course, when Narc broke the news.

"I have no thumbs," Narc specified.

"My bad," Falcon said as he held it for Narc.

"She's a beauty isn't she?" Falcon admired.

"I can't see who you're talking about," Narc stipulated.

"Really? You should be starting right at her," Falcon speculated.

"I only see a parking lot with cars," Narc declared.

"She's the big, muscular one," Falcon described.

"Where? I don't see a female at all," Narc hissed

"What are you talking about? She's got a perfectly blue paint job with 2 white stripes," Falcon described.

"Paint job?" Narc asked, confused.

"Yeah, you can't see that beautiful 1969 Camaro Z28?" Falcon testified.

"What?" Narc cried, really confused.

"Yeah, I'm gonna win that car in a pink slip race, just you wait, then I'll have the most beautiful thing in the parking lot," Falcon explained proudly.

"Are you romantically attracted to cars?" Narc dared to ask.

"Who isn't?" Falcon remarked.

"Uh... I think I can hear the stove burning," Narc answered.

_'Gotta get out of here, a bunch of weird people around this mansion.' _Narc thought to himself.

Narc ran into the mansion, into a corridor with six rooms, three on both sides of the walls.

The first door opened and Snake flied out of it and ran to the room opposite the hallway.

Iris also exploded though the same room, but when she went to open the door Snake had just went through, she saw a TRAIN coming at her. She shut the door immediately, heart pounding. Snake then exploded from room parallel to the door she was at and ran immediately into the room opposite that one. As she went to open the door, it exploded opened and she got flattened, old school American cartoon style (think Johnny Bravo,) by a rampaging Ike, Shuyri not too far behind. After finally regaining her composure (and height), she went to open another door, when suddenly, she saw Snake run out of the door furthest away from her. She immediately followed, and all hell just broke lose. Ike and Snake were running into random doors, and Iris and Shuyri gave chase. After about 3 minutes of random doors, Iris finally got the hint, and instead of going though the door Snake went through, she went to the door adjacent to it. As she opened it, she saw a brown dog, a scruffy dude with a green shirt and brown pants, a nerdy chick in an orange sweater, a girl dressed in blue with reddish-orange hair, and a guy with blond hair.

"Like, ZOINKS! Run for it Scoob!" The scruffy dude yelled.

Iris was then flattened by the Mystery Gang. By now, Iris didn't like the American cartoon's style, which she found so much more childish than even kid's anime. After she had one again got back on her hind paws, she looked right to see Shuyri explode from a door with Ike giving chase. Then she just gets randomly trampled.

"Opps, sorry about that." Snake said as he ran into the next room.

* * *

--Long story short--

They ended up in the cafeteria (yes, where they originally started in the first place,) and Iris, Shuyri, and Narc had Snake cornered.

"Hey, guys, are you gonna sit down and eat or what?" They heard a voice from across the room. The entire group's attention turned to Captain Falcon, and the rest of the cafeteria, which was a war zone full of different Smashers, that accurately depicted a battle from World War II. Snake of course, used this as a distraction to break away from the assailants/ass-whoopers. Of course, he's a bulldozer, so any insignificant obstacle on the road would get bulldozed Mr. I'm-late-for-an-asswhooping-and-I'll-never-arrive-while-I'm-at-it. Snake, managed to get across the cafeteria, very noticed, but far away from the crazy OCs.

"Snake?" a soft voice called from behind him.

"YOU WANT SOME TOO!?" Snaked yelled at the top of his lungs as he swung around, rocket launcher in hand, to what he thought was an attacker. Luckily for him, the cafeteria was so loud that his yell just managed to fit right in. To his surprise, it was the pink mini- freaking bi-pedal jackal, the thing Snake can step on. "Oh it's you... uh..."

"Corsa," the riolu answered.

"Right," Snake confirmed.

"So, how are you doing?" Corsa asked with genuine concern.

"Can't talk. Must defend self," Snake blubbered as all the OCs started closing in on him. Apparently, Snake has the most distinctive yell, because these OCs heard it across a WWII Battleground. Snake's first instinct, to grab the pie of some fatman dressed in yellow with blue overalls and chuck it at the sliver jackal.

"Barbarian" Iris scoffed as she wiped the pie of her face. Snake however, wasn't an anime character, and therefore he was allowed to run at full speed away from them. In the middle of a battlefield, three OCs were chasing Snake. Snake, in pure desperation, started throwing what ever he could find at them: a cake, Co-Co Cola, rocks, a soda machine, a guy in a little space suit, Optimus Prime, and finally, some liquor from the bar. The problem was that Snake threw alcohol on Narc, and pretty much ignited the whole cafeteria on fire. Perfect for a 4th of July celebration, IN HELL. Snake managed to lose the OCs in the ensuing confusion and ran back to where he was originally at in the cafeteria. By the time he had found a safe place to be, almost everybody had promptly shuffled out of the cafeteria. Yes, Snake would rather be in a burning building than get an ass-whooping. Snake could see the cafeteria start to deteriorate and pieces of roof falling from the ceiling. Snake formulated the idea that he'd escape out of the nearest wall, instead of right into the path of the OCs. Snake readied his rocket launcher, when he though he heard a voice.

"Help! Please, anybody!" the voice weakly whined. Snake looked across the cafeteria, to see Corsa buried under a part of the collapsed ceiling. Normally, Snake would have left anybody behind, but his adrenalin was pumping now, and that meant he HAD to get the most action out of an experience before it faded. Both heroically and suicidally, Snake sprinted towards the rubble, and instead of pulling her out of it, he head-butted it and cleared the debris, because let's face it, rationality isn't what saves lives. He pulled her out of the wreckage and placed some C4 on a wall, then stepped back and detonated it. Snake ran though the hole in the wall, thinking he was clear of danger, only to notice that he was ON FIRE. Snake's first instinct... he ran across the WHOLE mansion, Corsa still in his arms, and waited in the elevator quietly as elevator music was playing. When he arrived at the top floor, Snake ran towards and jumped into the swimming pool. The fire on Snake extinguished and he was home free. Corsa, being a canine, wasn't too fond of water and opted to get out immediately. As she shook the water out of her fur, she saw an AIRPLANE crash into the pool, Snake still in it. The moral of the story is: you can put out the fire, but the planes WILL GET YOU. You are never safe.

"Snake? Snaaake? SNAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKE!" Corsa cried when the realization of what just happened hit her, odd as it is. Because you know, a plane crashing into a pool on top of a mansion isn't an every day-to-day occurrence in the Pokemon world. What a strange world these Pokemon live in.

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(A/N: For my reappearing act, you've been cliffhanged...

Yeah, I know it makes people hate me, but be glad I found some motivation to write this again.

If you didn't see my LARGE reference to Knox, they you've obviously have never seen his claymations. If you did immediatly notice the reference, then you get a salute from me for watching some of the best Claymation ever.

And if you wanna talk with Uncle Gunner on your down time, you can check me out on DeviantArt, under the name OpenGunner.

Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review. I'll reply to all of your reviews, unless you don't sign it.)


	14. Unstoppable Reptile

Well, if you're reading this, your are either a new reader or a really pissed off veteran.

I'm going to start with: "My Bad."

So... it's only been like 6 months, you guys aren't mad, right, right? Well then again, I kinda cliffhanged you...

Okay, so I grew lazy, I grew bored, and worst of all, I grew up... The fanfiction thing was just a phase of my early teenage hood I guess. Well I guess this is growing up.

But some people favorating this story long after I had stopped writing it and it gave me some hope. I guess I have to thank specfic individuals though.

Thanks to: pokefreak59, for always having some time to proof read these chapters before I submit them. Shadow-Rukario, or what ever her name is now, for putting up with me and decaying communication as I have slowly grown away from the fan fiction community. Thanks to the signed reviewers: Soul Smasher, The Big Boss, Dark Chewbacca, Blaze Ocean Dragon and the rest I can no longer identify, for taking their time to read this dead story. And I wanna give a special thanks to those anonymous reviewers: Tilt, Alkelzero, and Grumpy Old Diamond. They reminded me that this story even existed. I know the chances are slim that they will ever see this, but I still wanna thank them. And I wanna thank Kappanaruto999 on deviantart. He took the time to look at my profile. That's something I probably wouldn't even do.

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Oh The People You'll Meet  
Chapter 14: Unstoppable Reptile

Liquid Snake

_Solid Snake's twin brother. While Solid was in the glory of the world stage, Liquid found himself hiding in the shadows of history, doing wetworks for the SAS. His contempt for Solid Snake grew over the years, believing that Solid Snake had the dominant genes of Big boss, while Liquid was created to be garbage from the day he was born, carrying only the recessive genes. They were reunited at Shadow Moses in Metal Gear Rex's hangar. After thhe events of Shadow Moses, everybody though he had died of FOXDIE, but were they so very wrong. Nothing can stop Liquid Snake._

_"SNAKE! It's not over, not yet!  
_

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I find myself standing in a perfectly white room, with no obstructions and no distractions. I have no idea why I'm here. But damn, somebody needs to give whatever janitor that cleans this floor a raise, not a single speck on the floor.

Otacon stood in front of me, holding a book.

"Otacon, what the hell is going on?" I queried.

"You're having a kinda-sorta near death experience." Otacon answered.

"Uh…" I said as I drooled awkwardly.

"You were hit by a Boeing 747 in a swimming pool." Otacon stated

"So... What's your point?" I asked while giving a confused hand gesture.

"If it was anybody else who would've been hit, it probably would have killed them several times over." Otacon bluntly put it.

"So why am I here? Why are you here?" I asked while looking at my surroundings of pure nothingness. I at least noticed that this area of nothingness at least had an air conditioner. It wasn't hot or cold, that's pretty cool. Where ever I was, somebody at least paid the electric bill.

"Snake, you're unconscious right now." He said.

"That's impossible; I didn't throw a stun grenade recently. Those things are the only things that can knock me out," I retorted, cause I know from experience.

"Snake, you almost died, try to take this experience seriously." He replied.

"YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!" I yelled in defense.

"Snake, you don't have a mom," Otacon stated, "You're a clone."

"What are you tryin' to say?" I asked while snapping my hands like a wannabe ghetto youth. You know those people I'm talking about.

"Your mother is a test tube." Otacon insulted, not hesitating even slightly.

"That's harsh dude." I said as I sniffed.

"Snake, wake up." Otacon stated.

"What?" I asked, bewildered.

"Wake up!" Otacon yelled with a fading volume.

"Snake, Wake up!" I heard faintly as Otacon faded away from sight.

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"Snake wake up!" Snake heard as he slipped back into consciousness. Standing over him was a pink Riolu wearing a red bow on its back.

"Who the hell are you?" Snake demanded to know while pulling his S.O.C.O.M. from its holster and thrusting it into the Riolu's face.

"Snake, it's me, Corsa." The Riolu defended as she stepped back.

"Who?" Snake asked. Corsa stared at him, annoyed.

"What?" Snake said as he lifted an eyebrow and shrugged his shoulders.

"The one you could step on." Corsa replied,

"Oh, yeah! " Snake replied with the enthusiasm of a child.

"So uh… This doesn't like a place with food that I can eat. Where the hell are we?" Snake asked while consulting his stomach before his brain. The stomach has priority over the brain when presented with such a situation.

"In my village," Corsa informed.

"Why the HELL am I in your village?" Snake demanded to know. Because, you know, the word 'village' isn't heavily associated with the concept of 'abundance of food.'

"Because you were severely injured and I needed to heal you," Corsa answered with a fair response.

"So… instead of dragging me to the hospital in Smash Mansion, you dragged me all the way here?" Snake demanded to know. Wait, did Snake just form a coherent argument?

"… uh… yes?" Corsa timidly gave a response.

"And people tell me I'm stupid!" Snake retorted.

Just then, Snake's codec began to ring. What was his ring tone you wonder? The James Bond theme song! Because no black ops agent is complete without his full assortment of cliché theme songs. If he ever gets spotted, it will be because he doesn't know when to put his CODEC on vibrating.

* * *

"SSSNNNNNNNAAAAAAKKKKKKKEEEEEE!" yelled a man on the other side of the codec. This man had the exactly same face as Snake, but had long blond hair and a BRITISH accent.

"Uh… Solid Snake is probably unconscious now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I feel like it, BEEEEEEP" Snake said, trying to be monotone as possible so he can fool the guy calling into thinking that Snake's CODEC comes with a voice mail. Snake is poor, so all his stupid CODEC can do is talk and freeze the very fabric of time; Completely worthless indeed.

"Snake, You're dumber than dirt!" The man cut in to the conversation that Snake and Corsa were having.

"And you're smarter than… uh… ass! Yeah, what now fool?" Snake said, searching for a comeback that is not completely stupid. At least he's trying; you have to give him credit.

"Ugh! I'm gonna to KILL you Snake! If it's the bloody last thing I do!"

" … Who is this anyways?" Snake interjected.

The faint sound of a man smashing his head on a table can be heard through the codec.

"How the hell do you have the old man's dominate genes?"

"I don't know this old man you're talking about, but I can totally whoop his butt." Snake stated confidently.

There was once again the sound of smashing of the man's head on the table; however, this time, it wasn't faint nor did the table survive.

"Do you hear me? I, LIQUID SNAKE, HATE YOU SO MUCH!" The man yelled.

"I don't want any!" Snake yelled while slamming his CODEC on the… uh… well it's not a telephone… how is somebody supposed to slam the CODEC in frustration? Well Snake defied the laws of logic and did it anyways. He was sick and tired of those damn telemarketing girl scouts and their stupid expensive cookies.

* * *

"Who was that?" Corsa asked.

"Some prank caller that looked and sounded like my evil dead twin brother." Snake answered while shrugging his shoulders.

"Um… okay." Corsa responded, wanting to change the subject.

"What were we talking about?" Snake wondered. Whatever mechanic managed Snake's train of thought needs to be fired, it's always going off track.

"My father said he wanted to talk to you." Corsa interjected.

"You have a father? I thought all people kill their parents after they reach a certain age." Snake replied.

"WHAT?" Corsa responded in astonishment.

"Well, I killed my dad, Twice," Snake explained.

"Why?" Corsa asked.

"Because the government promised me some boxes if I did," Snake answered.

"You killed your father over BOXES?" Corsa bellowed.

"It was totally worth it." Snake replied without a hint of remorse.

"I'm not sure if I feel safe around you anymore." Corsa stated as she increase the distance between Snake and her by a few feet, or meters, depending on what country you come from.

"Well, you should see my pal Otacon, everybody he falls in love with ends up dying. The worst part is that he's always there to witness it." Snake boasted. Like your best friend's tragedy is something to boast about.

"Snake, our leader would like to have a word with you." A Lucario proclaimed from behind Snake. Snake turned around, with only one thing in mind.

"Bring me to your leader!" Snake yelled, because it was HIS chance to be the alien this time. He's always wanted to say that.

"Um, okay…" The confused Lucario replied in bewilderment. The Lucario beckoned Snake to come with him. Corsa followed suit. They arrived at the door of an old-Japanese style house.

"State your name and your purpose," said another Lucario standing at the entrance of the house. A few moments later, a copper-colored Lucario with black metallic fur on his chest came out from the entrance.

"Hey Snake, never mind that loser, what's happenin' man?" The copper Lucario said, with a heavy Japanese accent trying to sound American as hard as he can.

"Woah! Your sudden use of informal English has sparked my interest." Snake stated in amazement.

"I totally took and failed a course in English slang!" The Lucario explained.

"Woah, your capacity to fail a class just like me makes you a lot cooler than these the rest of the freaking Bi-pedal jackals." said, excitingly. Finally, somebody he could empathize with in his failed trails to pass the 5th grade.

"Do you want to go grab a burger and some coca-cola" Copper offered, appealing to Snake's North American cultural heritage. The author is from North America and can assure that Americans do in fact, inhale hamburgers and sodas. This has been Uncle Gunner and his guide to 'How we roll, in America." With this knowledge, you should now be able to generalize Americans even better. Results may vary.

"HELL YEAH!" Snake replied, cause he was American. Refer to the last paragraph for more information.

"Copper-sama, if I may ask, what exactly are you doing?" The Lucario standing on sentry duty telepathically communicated to Copper's ears.

"Appealing to his culture, it's the best way to get him to like and trust me." Copper responded.

"But shouldn't you be straightforward and timely in a matter as urgent as this?" The sentry suggested.

"He wouldn't care for what I had to say if he thinks I'm a boring village elder." Copper deduced.

"So how about it Snake?" Copper said as he turned his attention back to Snake.

"Can we get milkshakes too? I heard it brings all dem boys to the yard, and their like: it's better than yours, damn righ-" Snake sang before being cut off.

"Sure!" Copper acknowledged as he interrupted Snake's routine. The horror if Snake actually finished singing that.

* * *

One non-Captain Falcon walk later

"Wow, I didn't know they had T.G.I. Fridays in Nintendo! Doesn't that violate copyright laws?" Snake exclaimed.

"What?" Copper replied, confused by Snake's non-coherent sentence.

"Nevermind," Snake hastily responded. He realized that the other characters' ignorance of the fourth wall was his greatest advantage.

"Wow, food gets made a head of time in Nintendo? That's awesome!" Snake exclaimed as he jumped to conclusions.

"No, all TGI Fridays ever serve are hamburgers, sodas, and milkshakes. They just make it all day." Copper responded.

"So Copper, Obviously you know where I came from. If this is Nintendo, and there are no 'United States' then how do you know some much about my culture?" Snake queried.

"Internet," Copper explained,

"Damn, that seems to be the answer to everything!" Snake recalled

"So, Snake, do you remember Astra?" Copper asked

"Who?" came Snake's usual response.

"The Lopunny you once fought that uses shadows and stuff?" Copper reminded.

"Was that the one where I was making a sandwich?" Snake remembered.

"Um…" Copper could barely reply.

"I'm getting the sudden urge to kill Ike right about know. That dude jacked mah sandwich." Snake declared as he tightened his fist threateningly.

* * *

Elsewhere.

"Now that I think about it, Snake owes me some money, from that time when were we walking down the road and Calibra attacked us… I'm going to mention that the next time I see him." Ike said as he was standing in an entirely non-descript area so the author doesn't have to describe it.

* * *

"Back to the matter on hand, Snake I need you to find Astra quickly and warn her that the Lake Trio are going to attack very soon," Copper said as he refocused the topic.

"One question, why me?" Snake asked.

"I'm not finished yet, As I was sayin-" Copper started.

"My bad," Snake cut in.

"Would you let me talk? As I was sayin-" Copper started once more.

"Alright whatever," Snake cut in once more.

"I'm just going to wait patiently," Copper declared, being frustrated at the reptile man for always choosing to talk while he is talking.

"…" Copper waited for 5 minutes, while Snake was blankly starting into space, thinking about what his next meal is, while you know, he's eating his current hamburger. There was once a survey that reported that "Americans think about their next meal while eating their current one." While that's sort of true, it would have been truer if they mentioned "With the exception of Snake, he thinks about his next meal long before he starts his current one." Yes, if you play close attention to that sentence, it does in fact, create a TIME PARADOX.

"As I was sayin-" Copper finally started once more.

"I'm still hungry," Snake cut him off again. Copper however, did not stop talking this time.

"I need you to find Astra and warn her about the lake trio. They have me under an aura surveillance, but they can't recognize you, so that's why I need you," Copper informed.

"What do I get for valiantly risking my life while trying to accomplish this?" Snake questioned.

"A bag of potato chips," Copper said, knowing he had an ace up his sleeve.

"I'm in!" Snake agreed. Something needs to be explained first. If you've noticed, Snake has been offered really stupid things throughout the story as an incentive to do something. As a matter of fact, that's how this story began; they bribed him into coming to Nintendo with some boxes (that he never got anyways.) It's pretty simple, anything worth of value to one's existence, such as wisdom, love, or immortality, is not a good reward for Snake. If you were a supreme being with the gift of immortality (like a Ninetales,) you'd be out of luck, because everything Snake wants can be cheaply obtained at the nearest dollar store.

"So… where is she?" Snake asked.

"I'm guessing somewhere near or around spear pillar." Copper responded.

"Spear what?" Snake queried.

"Spear Pillar, a heavenly place home to none other to Arceus himself." Copper informed.

"A who-da-what-a?" Snake asked, confused.

"Arceus , the god of Pokémon," Copper again informed.

"Does that mean he can grant me three wishes?" Snake asked. Because, you know, anything magical, Snake thinks is a leprechaun.

"Uh… sure," Copper said, pausing at Snake's sheer stupidity.

"Can I wish for more wishes?" Snake excitedly asked. Only something a jackass would do, wishing for more wishes.

"Snake, it will be a dangerous and arduous journey. You must go now, every second you waste, is a second more that Astra could die!" Copper exclaimed.

"So…" Snake wondered.

"GO! NOW!" Copper exclaimed.

"Alright, alright, I'm going," Snake assured. Sure enough, Snake just randomly walked off in the opposite direction from Spear Pillar.

"_Wait, I forgot to tell him which way_!" Copper thought as he turned around, but Snake was already gone.

* * *

5 Minutes later

"Can't go on… need junk food… cigarettes… boxes… oh sweet boxes; with your straight edges, your safe and rigid corners. Your mathematical practicality. Your usefulness. Oh, woe is me, for I will never again be in the comfort of another cardboard box again," Snake rambled, until collapsing on the floor from the lack of all the things he mentioned.

"Must… call… random people… on… codec…" Snake mumbled. So snake started randomly filtering through his list of saved numbers. He didn't know half of the people but he was going to call anyway.

"Hello, this is Pizza hut, with all of you Pizza needs." The man on the other side of the codec answered.

"I need a large Pepperoni delivered to Solid Snake, You'll know where he is, you can't miss him." Snake ordered. He then hung up before the person on the other end could ask for more information. Snake then called Otacon.

"Snake? Is that you? Where are you?" Otacon answered, worried.

"Where ever you're not at," Snake informed. Technically he was correct. That's a lazy answer the author often gives.

"Snake hold on I'm comin-" Otacon started before being cut off.

"Boring!" Snake yelled as he cut Otacon off. Snake then decided to call another random number in his codec. Well, he tried about 5 different numbers before one finally picked up.

"Hello my good sir, Gannondorf speaking," Gannondorf answered with a clean British accent.

"What the hell happened to your voice?" Snake responded. Snake could've sworn that Gannondorf was a gangsta rapper.

"Yo mama!" Gannondorf responded in his usual gangstafied wanna-be voice.

"What?" Snake wondered out loud about that completely logical comeback Gannondorf gave.

"Aye look brah, I don't need any a-dat from you, ite?" Gannondorf slurred.

"I don't want any!" Snake yelled back.

"Please don't tell anybody else I'm British. Then I'll lose respect as a gangsta rapper," Gannondorf begged.

"Boring!" Snake exclaimed as he hung up. Snake then decided to give 'Master Miller' a call, for old time's sake. Snake had completely forgotten all of the events of Shadow Moses though. It was only one of the most important times of his life.

"Hello Governa!" A man with a face identical to Snake except having blonde hair and a British accent answered.

"Who is this?" Snake asked, finally realizing that he was not talking to Master Miller, but in fact, that weird girl scouts cookie guy.

"SNNNNNAAAAAKKKKEEEE!" the man yelled.

"Yeah?" Snake casually remarked, because he was used to having his name yelled was normal.

"We talked about fifteen minutes ago, Why the hell are you calling me back?" The British man said in an anticlimactic tone.

"I'm bored and I'm dying." Snake informed.

"Who's killing you? I'll kill them! Only I, LIQUID SNAKE am possible of killing you." The self proclaimed 'Liquid Snake' said.

"Boring!" Snake yelled as he cut him off. Snake then proceeded to call Captain Falcon, which probably would have been the best idea, considering that, you know, Captain Falcon owns a car and can pick Snake up. But logic has been absent since in this fic since the last time Otacon spoke so don't worry, your favorite chain smoking, box loving, badass black ops agent hasn't gained the power of reason, he's still the same ol' Snake. Captain Falcon was just the next name on the list.

"Aye! This is Captain Americ- I mean Captain Falcon speaking." Falcon corrected himself. Who knows what Captain Falcon does in his spear time… like killing Nazis and such… the world may never know.

"Hey, do you know where Spear Pillar is?" Snake blurted out.

"Yeah!" Falcon excitedly answered. What was Falcoon so excited about.

"Could we take a ride there? Somebody told me it was a long and arduous journey but I don't feel like dealing with that." Snake asked. Snake isn't this great hero everybody thinks he is. He's a lazy bastard, so the rest of us fan fiction readers and writers can clearly sympathize with him. Snake's human too, but I'm not sure of to what degree.

"Sure, Let's roll." Falcon responded.

"Already?" Snake asked, bewildered.

"I'm standing right beside you." Falcon stated.

"Cool, but… where are we anyways? It feels like I've been walking for days."

"Nah… we're at the main entrance of the Smash Mansion." Falcon corrected.

"Oh… Oh… Well now I feel stupid." Snake said. Let's analyze this sentence for a minute. Snake, who is not exactly to most intelligent of his species, now feels stupid. That means he usually walks around feeling… smart? Does he really blow past the line of stupid that he's too stupid to realize he's stupid?

"So, how about them Bears?" Snake asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

"They're doing awesome. But you've gotta check out this ride I got. It's in the garage…" Falcon replied while walking to the garage. The sun was starting to set. In the immortal words imprinted on one of the screens in Gran Turismo 3, next to an endurance race that lasts about 2 hours, it says "It's going to be the start of a very long night."

* * *

Well...

Yeah...

At least it wasn't a cliffhanger.

But seriously, don't expect me to promise anything in terms of the time frame of the next chapter, because I find that I am very good at letting people down.

But hey, I'm always open to conversation. If you feel that you aren't getting enough of Uncle Gunner's material, don't be afraid to hit that PM button.


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